Menopause

Sex Tips & Talk
1

Hi, new member from Australia here & I joined as I wanted to debrief with women who are menopausal & the men who are going through menopause with their partners.

I don’t really have anyone I can confide in as my married friends live too far away and my single mates just wouldn’t relate, besides I’m a gentleman and would never tell my mates about my wife’s sexuality.

So here it goes.

I have done a lot of research on this and looking on here as well I see others have experienced it as well, I just wanted to get it off my chest and speak about it.

My wife & I are both approaching 60, we have been together for over 20yrs & up until about 5yrs ago we had sex every almost every day and she was right into it, loved being on top/full blow job/masturbating herself a lot, for example when out for a long drive she would almost always pull her panties down and go for it hammer & tongs.

She also loved a finger in her ass when I was licking her out as well as when sucking me & she was laying across me I’d slip a finger in her bum and she’d cum like crazy!

She also loved the taste of her own juices after making love & always would go straight down on me after I came and I’d go down on her as well then we’d kiss and get a taste of each other’s cum.

And at the beginning of our relationship we had a FFM threesome as well before we got together she was bisexual & having a relationship with another woman while she was married to her ex husband who knew about it.

(I started typing this last night but had to stop & save it on my phone in notes as I was on the train home and I was tempted to have a play​:rofl:)

Basically she was very un-inhibited for the first 15yrs of our relationship and was the ultimate sex machine and we had so many great orgasms together.

So imagine how I felt when a few years ago she started losing interest.

One time we were away in our camper and we had sex, but the sheets got a stain and bit of an odour from a discharge which made her feel very self conscious.

I bought a couple of sex toy’s from LoveHomey last year and she absolutely loved them, we used a small beginners vibrator dildo to begin with then the last time back in January this year when we were away camping in the bush she had the dildo in and a vibrating tongue one on her clit and she couldn’t get enough & we were sitting on camp chairs naked in the warm Summer air watching each other playing and she seemed to not have a care in the world.

Then we tried again at home but she had a few setbacks as she also had a bit of a bloody discharge that marked the sheets, so I put down a towel but it still shook her up a bit and she said she felt dirty, I tried to reassure her but it’s still in her head.

I looked up online and going by her symptoms she has vaginal dystrophy which is the lining weakening and causing bloody discharge.

She actually spoke to her sister who is perimenopausal and she suggested to use a moisturising lube that she uses and she gave her some she’s been using it but she is still hesitant to have sex and instead has been applying it to herself as a moisturiser.

I’ve noticed a distinct lack of affection and I feel her pulling back when both her & I start getting horny when kissing and she suddenly says she’s tired and wants to stop, I feel that she is not wanting to have sex as she’s scared she’ll have another discharge.

I’ve been trying to gently encourage her to see a doctor about getting a prescription cream that may help with the vaginal dystrophy.

Has anyone had success with anything like that?

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2

Hello there,

I really feel the pain for both of you, and I can relate because i’m post menopause myself. I’m 41 and had hysterectomy with ovaries removed at the age of 32 because I’ve got really bad endometriosis and I had five operations for it and I’m waiting for my sixth one because endo is still there causing trouble. So mine is surgical menopause, no ovaries which makes it worse because even in naturally menopausal women, the ovaries are making some amount of oestrogen to help.

Just wondering, is your wife naturally menopausal or has she had hysterectomy? Has she got a cervix? It’s that that makes the lubrication and if that has been removed that will not be good for wetness down there. I’ve got to have mine removed soon as it’s embedded in my bowels and spine and I’m not looking forward to it because I’m expecting it will cause this trouble.

Has your wife considered taking any HRT? I’m on patches as I couldn’t cope with the helter-skelter ofnot being on it. Also, she can get HRT cream to apply on the vagina which would likely help.

Pelvic floor/Kegel exercises are imperative to stop any incontinence, et cetera.

Have she tried a thicker lubricant? The water base ones can dry out quick if cervix isn’t making much.

I can totally understand why it would put her off if she’s getting tearing, I find i blistery easily and have to change my plans when I do get it bad i.e. Clit only or anal to let it rest until it heals. Is there any possibility she can focus more on anal if she has enjoyed that before? As that is not affected by vagina dryness?

I hope that helps, x

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3

Hi, thanks for your reply, so sorry to hear about your situation :cry:

In my wife’s case it’s just naturally menopausal and she hasn’t (so far) suffered from other common symptoms of menopause, unlike her sister who has weight gain/mood swings & hot flushes as well as lack of libido.

Yes a HRT cream is what I’m hoping she can see a doctor for, it’s a case of finding a good female doctor in our area now as the one she’s been seeing is not that good and it’s hard to get bookings as well as being in our old town we lived in.

I will certainly look into a different lube as we have always used a water based one.

Thanks for your advice :folded_hands:

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4

Gday and welcome,

Menopause is very hard for the lady with the huge changes to hormones that can rest the rest of her life..

Has she tried any remedies, supliments to aid her or even spoken to a dr to help?

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5

Yeah, I think HRT is definitely the way to go because the oestrogen will help strengthen up the vagina walls and help to stop the tearing, and help to avoid prolapse as well.

It sounds like a lot of bother to get yourself a good doctor there but it will be worth it when she gets the help in the end. Also like I said, water base lubricants dry out quite quickly so yeah definitely try different lubricants maybe a silicone one? I’ve never tried one before, but I’ve heard they’re very slippery. X

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7

I know of one Silicone based lube that is very good, it’s called “Gun Oil” and yes it is a personal lubricant for humans :face_with_hand_over_mouth:

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8

@BrokenEye Thanks, I’ll see if I can get that & give it a “shot” :water_pistol:

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@Craig1234 I’m still in the process of gently encouraging her to see a doctor, but she’s very embarrassed about things at the moment, her sister may be able to help encourage her, I’ve known her sister longer than I’ve known my wife and we get on very well, she’s asked me for help in the past with a few things (non sexual!) and asked me not to tell her husband so I might just ask her to help her brother in-law get lucky in bed again with her sister :rofl:

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10

Its a hard time … only advise her to get support

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11

Happened to me as well although it was just a bit of blood, no smell. Sex can cause micro tears in the vaginal wall as it becomes thinner during and after the menopause and can make sex painful and feeling sore after sex. I found always use a good quality lube for sex, topping up when needed. Also there are over the counter vaginal lubricants that help thicken the lining. The one I use is Vagisil ProHydrate and it makes a big difference. There is also a red light device which I used called Joy-Lux and that really did work.

The smell you mentioned would worry me and I would see the doctor about that. If it’s a fishy smell it could be a condition called bacterial vaginosis, it’s not an sti and is quite common.

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@Wood-Nymph Thanks, the smell was only once and not really fishy… my ex used to get thrush and other nasties where she had to get prescription creams to fix, but she had poor hygiene & almost always a stale fishy smell​:face_vomiting:

13

Update, we’re back into it!!! Last night after some very passionate kissing then my wife getting me very horny by stroking my bum I started to play with her and she push my hand away from her pussy so I went around the back and my pinkie in her bum and she was off!

I then grabbed the lube I’d bought from Love Honey “Yes Organic Lubricants VM Vaginal Moisturiser” which is supposed to help with menopause and got her off anally, then gently with a finger in her pussy and pinkie in her bum as well went down on her clit with my tounge and she had a huge orgasm!

It was amazing.

Thanks so much for everyone’s advice and understanding

I think anal is the way to go for us now :wink:

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14

Oh that’s great, thanks for the update, and I can totally relate :grinning_face: nice to hear a happy ending! X

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15

So happy you got back I to having some sexual fun. Menopause can be very difficult to navigate for both of you. Talking your way through it and being open to trying different things will certainly help keep you both sexually satisfied. My wife is post menopausal and has been dealing with big changes in her libido . We have had some discussions about it and are making a bit of progress, but, because we never talked about sex in the past, dealing with things are much more difficult. There are a lot of treatments out there to help get through the changes. Embracing lubes and finding a physician willing to help can be very critical to managing things now. You are still pretty young, so working on things now together can give you both at least a couple decades of satisfying sex, that’s a LOT of orgasms, unless you’re only doing it a couple times a year , like some post menopausal couples, which is incredibly sad. Good luck, I wish you all the best.

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16

Bit late to this but I’m so glad the good people of the forum have been able to help, and you for being sensitive, patient and resourceful. Good on ya.

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17

Estrogen cream will almost certainly help with the atrophy. Probably won’t help with drive though, if that is lacking.

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18

Hi, next step is doctor, my wife has found a local female doctor she’s comforting with and is in the process of getting her medical records transferred and will be seeing her for a consultation regarding her menopause in the next few weeks.

I am not (and have never) pressured her, it’s all up to her in her own time, all I want for her is to be happy

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19

The drive is there that’s for sure… when we kiss I feel her getting excited and sucking my tongue into her mouth and she starts moaning and touching me, but it’s been the mental side of things when she worries about leaking on the sheets that’s been holding her back.

Baby steps, but we’re getting there

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