I love my boyfriend to bits and would try anything to satisfy him, recently being domineered has came into convosation due to some certain websites that popped up on my internet history.
I want to try it out but i dont know where to start. I have tried telling him what to do, which we spoke about, but when it comes to it he takes over my role and tells me what to do. I know he wants to be treated like a slave and whipped, slapped, bitten and teased but how do i get him to plead innocents and drop his bossyness?
I have been quite strict with him in the past, sometimes making him never suggest sex until i force it upon him and this worked until we had a bit of a tiff and forgot all about it.
I love stratching and biting him and he loves it too, but sometimes he turns into a whimp and pussies out. I love seeing what i've done to him, it turns me on being able to see a glimps of his body the morning after and see a slight bit of scratch marks to his back that i caused the night before, i just want him to bow to my every whim a bit more than he does and not back out when im obviously doing something he gets turned on by and enjoys alot.
As for bondage, he is the only man i've ever let tie me up or use dildo's on me, and i love it because i trust him, i love it when he pounds me and smacks my arse, but where should i go from this, he wants to try really really kinky stuff with me, sex machines, whips, everything... i want to too but what do i start off with... bondage kits? tape??? i dont know.
i also love pain too, but too much of it can send me to tears, i love rough sex and he know's it i just think we need to go further than just slaps and giggles and try something more extreme, and i know he'll love it... but what?
the good thing is you are already talking about the subject, that's the first big thing out of the way.
Several ways you could start, tape a novelty idea, starter kits another. As for him turning the domination round and making you the sub, perpahps you might consider restraints for him, something as simple as handcuffs to start and perhaps a gag and blindfold (could just be some material to start with) to stop the orders?
but main thing is at least your both open to the idea. have fun with it
Thanks by the way, im so happy to have gotten a reply, yeah i've tried him to the bed before, but i get over excited and do it too tight sometimes, but it's always been fun, i dont really like the idea of ball gags but is their any others that look a bit more innocent, (im not at all but i like pretty things, that im not ashamed of using and others finding)
Yeah i love that we're open about it, it's usually because i've found something he's looked at on the net and got a shock and became worried about him going astray to find someone else to fulfill his fantasies, but what's a fantasy unless you're able to explore it.. just a fantasy or idea i guess... that's why i feel it's important to share fantasies with your partner, could spice up the relationship, nothing he could ever do or say would be weird to me. Which i find comforting and hopefully he does too.
If you don't like ball gags but still want to try out a gag then I'd recommend a fish hook gag. I have http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=15820 and it's very comfortable, means your partner can still kiss you and push things inside your mouth but also limits speech (much more of a blurred mumble once in) It's very easy to adjust and stays in well.
Otherwise, maybe make him earn contact? Some kind of chastity play where he's tied up and unable to stimulate himself so has to 'behave' to receive any kind of pleasure? Or reverse the idea and force him to pleasure you, tie him up and perhaps sit on his face, using whips or floggers to encourage him to please you?
ah i guess so, but going to see a mistress? would this involve just talking to her, or would i have to take part, this was the problem in the 1st place where i found plentiful websites he'd visited on my computer and i'd thought he was just going to cheat on me or do something that he'd hide from me.
i'll try the manual out and stuff.
I shall have to punish him i guess, im only a little woman so hopefully i can gain some kind of strength to put him in the corner.
I love the idea of making him earn contact though, as if it's a reward rather than a punishment. I wouldnt mind whips but floggers look a bit too violent to me, i'm wanting a pretty kind of gag too if that's even possible...
Hella - wow, that was brill to read, I'm in a sub relationship with an ex - no sex involved as that's the cross over.
He wanted me to be the dom and sometimes I was, yes it is all about control. The look I used to give him if he so much as tried to touch me when I had told him not to. He knew that he would be punished - not necessarily by flogging but by having to perform an act on me. Yeah I know he enjoyed doing it but being told to 'Eat me now and make me come' is all it took. You do feel a bit stupid but if you just get over the nerves and treat them like a school boy it'll click into place. Remember that you need a safe word that isn't related to sex - aubergine or something that will click you out of role. I never once tied him up as all it needed was the threat of punishment
Go for it girl - get a saucy raunchy outfit and say 'DON'T TOUCH TILL I TELL YOU TO'
Now I'm the sub and he's my master, it's awesome. I did ask my OH to get into role but think he's not wanting it as he didn't have a go. But I'll keep trying
Thanks everyone, i'm loving all this advice and don't worry i WILL use it, he's had a cheeky little read from his account and says he likes what he saw, he didnt know i was doing anything on the forums but he likes what i wrote, so hopefully he's in for a suprise when he gets home...
The trust seems to have gone and what once was a good thing, talking about fantasies seems to have started to ruin things.
He still feels it important to hide it from me and message mistresses, but this time it's gone to the next level, asking about age and prices for sessions, does anyone think this'll go futher and he will go behind my back even more, i need to trust him but trust is earnt, and he isn't doing very well by checking his domme dating sites and emailing misstresses 1 day after telling me he'd only look... as they say, look but don't touch... but surely this should extend to look but dont tread on thin ice, or test the waters, or fantasise over other women when the one you report to love has just gone to bed.
I'd recommend literature as a starting point. http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=1648 is great as a first port of call. It sounds like you're au fait with the practical basics but you want to explore the psychological side, which in my opinion is the most important part of the type of BDSM play you're describing.
You could also book in a session with a genuine mistress to gain awareness of practices and how things operate in a D/s professional setting, something you can incorporate into your sexual relationship.
If you're not already using a safe word, the get one involved so you know whether you're getting things right or wrong. It's important as it's the only way to set boundaries. And if he kicks off, dear God punish him. You don't have to lay into the guy or beat him, but sticking him in the corner trussed up with a gag and blindfold on a time out will teach him a lesson easily enough.
The trust seems to have gone and what once was a good thing, talking about fantasies seems to have started to ruin things.
He still feels it important to hide it from me and message mistresses, but this time it's gone to the next level, asking about age and prices for sessions, does anyone think this'll go futher and he will go behind my back even more, i need to trust him but trust is earnt, and he isn't doing very well by checking his domme dating sites and emailing misstresses 1 day after telling me he'd only look... as they say, look but don't touch... but surely this should extend to look but dont tread on thin ice, or test the waters, or fantasise over other women when the one you report to love has just gone to bed.
Could it be that he is contacting mistresses for research purposes, to get ideas and information about how the professionals do it? He may be really into the idea, but not sure how to go about it?
As is said on this forum quite alot, communication is the key! :o)
This is a brilliant thread, so many very informative replies. I wish my OH was dominant in the bedroom :o(
The trust seems to have gone and what once was a good thing, talking about fantasies seems to have started to ruin things.
He still feels it important to hide it from me and message mistresses, but this time it's gone to the next level, asking about age and prices for sessions, does anyone think this'll go futher and he will go behind my back even more, i need to trust him but trust is earnt, and he isn't doing very well by checking his domme dating sites and emailing misstresses 1 day after telling me he'd only look... as they say, look but don't touch... but surely this should extend to look but dont tread on thin ice, or test the waters, or fantasise over other women when the one you report to love has just gone to bed.
Could it be that he is contacting mistresses for research purposes, to get ideas and information about how the professionals do it? He may be really into the idea, but not sure how to go about it?
As is said on this forum quite alot, communication is the key! :o)
This is a brilliant thread, so many very informative replies. I wish my OH was dominant in the bedroom :o(
hmmm i'm not too sure it's for research purposes, he was contacting them before we got together. He doesn't see why he should stop and blames me for asking due to my insecureness...
He is really into the idea, he wants me to get ties, gags and what not so he can't pussy out (like he usually does, the wimp) but because of our financial situation its quite hard, and DIY bondage he wimps out even more at because they seem easily accessable to get out of... also staying round my cousins at the moment with kids around doesnt help much either... but i'll keep trying, and hopefully realise what he's got and what he'll be missing if he keeps things from me anymore, it gets to me that i am 100% open with him but with me he's about 60%...
I'm glad you like the thread and i love the replies too... i'm loving all of you right now xxx
I'm so sorry :( It sounds like you really need to have a proper talk with him soon.
I try to talk but he shuts off and tells me to ask him in the morning, or whenever, but nothing gets done....
i am very open with him and he is open with me to a point, i think he gets embarrassed about it, but theres no need, im not going to judge him for it... apart from being a kinky bitch x