My wife has just stopped sex

Sex Tips & Talk
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About six weeks ago was the last time we had sex.

My wife has been busy with work, but nothing out of the ordinary.

Unusual we would have date nights on a Friday that I would usually organise and we’d be into anything and everything you name it we’ve pretty much done it.

So sex life was really good And it was completely mutual.

She’s been a bit off with me but I put this down to probably perimenopause as she’s late 50s, but I’m a good husband. I don’t spend all my time in the pub. I’m attentive I’m loving I’m loyal and kind et cetera.

She’s been a bit off with me but I put this down to probably perimenopause as she’s late 50s, but I’m a good husband. I don’t spend all my time in the pub. I’m attentive I’m loving I’m loyal and kind et cetera.

Like I say, we haven’t had sex for six weeks which is some might not be that much time but towards us this is the longest amount of time we’ve gone without sex in our 28 years together. And she’s friendly she came up behind me the other day and hug me and gave me a kiss on the neck so I just don’t know what’s going on. I’m a bit of a loss really.

so I just don’t know what’s going on. I’m a bit of a loss really.

Usually she we would speak about about this by now but tell her it seems like the most natural thing in the world anyway any ideas as to what’s going on would be gratefully received thank you.

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2

Sometimes I find it hard to bring things up with my husband and I wait until he asks me if something is wrong and then it all spills out.

What about just saying “I noticed we’ve not been intimate for a while. I just wanted to check in with you - is everything okay? Did you want to talk?”

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I am the same as @Lemony, hubby normally notices if i am not myself and asks if anything is wrong. Normally its i am not feeling well or i am tired. Just ask her if she is ok, as its been going on for a while she could be worried about something that she doesnt want you to worry about.

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Simple answer, but the only way you’ll know is to ask. Just make sure that when you ask, you don’t put pressure on her.

She might be stressed, tired, unhappy, or just not in the mood - you really won’t know until you ask.

You say she’s a bit off with you, have you asked why? Maybe she is waiting for an apology or acknowledgement of something that you are not aware of?

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6 weeks is nothing, try waiting 4 years and counting

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Don’t leave it too late as frustration can easily turn into resentment…but you need to ask her…but not in the bedroom…at a time when you have the time to talk in case it takes longer than anticipated. In a way like @Lemony suggested. Nothing heavy or accusatory.

I have got this T-shirt big time in this and I got that sick of wearing it I put it away. It wasn’t without trying though.

Good luck

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If she’s late 50’s she most likely will be menopausal and this can affect libido. Or maybe she is just stressed from work but really you won’t know unless you ask.

I would suggest asking her about it away from the bedroom though.

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Just be careful when asking her. If you start off by saying we have not had sex or been intimate in a while, she might turn on you by saying you have only noticed because you have not had sex.
Just say i have noticed you have not been yourself lately are you ok, do you need to talk, that way you are not making it about the lack of sex and she will maybe feel more inclined to open up and tell you what the problem is.

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When my wife went through the beginning stages of menopause, she would go from the most loving, affectionate, and sex starved woman, to, Attila the Hun, overnight, with her hormone swings. Give her a little space, and gently bring up the loss of affection when the time seems right, not a day when there have been too many challenges. It will sort out if you are truly compassionate.

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10

As others mentioned, this sounds like low sex drive, which can affect intimacy. You might consider suggesting mutual masturbation to build intimacy or maybe Orgasmic Meditation. The web has information on Orgasmic Meditation.

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11

That’s some solid advice

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12

6 weeks really isn’t that long. My wife is under 50 and going through the menopause. Before she was diagnosed we would often go months without sex which at times caused a bit of friction as I thought she was just off with me. Our sex life has changed massively, we hardly have PIV but we have found new ways to be affectionate together and feel closer than ever. The key thing for me is putting her 1st, 2nd, 3rd and 4th - it’s been a game changer for both of us! Good luck!

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Only way to truly know is ask her… also you might want to edit you post a little as repeated a few paragraphs twice :sweat_smile:

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14

Sorry to repeat myself or anyone else but Talk , Talk , Talk then Talk some more its not easy most of the time having meaningful conversations but its the only way this will be resolved , do not judge and when your partner opens up DONT SPEAK OVER THEM , its a sure fire way for someone to shut down / clam up . Often going for a walk to chat can help as it can provide a relaxing atmosphere , Take care

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15

I feel your pain

I am once since 2012 (no.. that is not a typo)

FML

Stay strong

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16

Thank you all for your kind advice and your time.

I did reach out to my wife and suggested a date night, She didn’t respond straight away, however, When I got home after work, she said oh by the way, yes! So with regard to date Night, But we can’t just dive straight in, it will be nice to have some connection first. I think what she’s referring to is the fact that in the past, we would only have limited time, so it would all be a bit rushed. I guess because of family and kids and work and stuff that goes on in our lives, so I understand what she’s saying and I agree, however it feels a bit peculiar to mention the word connection when she’s not tried connecting at all?

She’s left it Weeks without any mention of how she’s feeling or volunteering anything really.

Granted, I could’ve asked but I was fearful of pressuring her, as in the past when I’ve taken her away for our wedding anniversary and I plan the weekend even though I would’ve loved her to have planned the weekend but she’s not got the time on the space to do , no inclination or capacity. So I ask , What does she want to bring? What are her fantasies? her desires what does she want? And i get no information back., So I’m guessing really at what she might want.

So when we get to our hotel on our anniversary, and things are not to her liking and she kicks off and it’s an absolute disaster, Which clearly upsets me and upsets her.

I remember earlier on in our relationship she mentioned having a threesome and I just raised my Eyebrows, and said well, I’ll leave it to you as it’s your idea. Nothing ever happened however 20 years later she admits to me that she was just telling me what she thought I wanted to hear, My response was I wish you’d just been honest with me. because I didn’t bring the subject up in the first place. She was clearly trying to please, but it’s a hollow promise so what’s the point?

I guess I make all the effort, bath candles, music, champagne weekends away all the romantic stuff I buy the outfits that sex toys I have the inclination I come up with the ideas the suggestions I’ll put out the outfits I’d like her to wear, but sometimes I wish she’d do all that, firstly because it’s nice when somebody else does it for a change and secondly she gets to indulge in her fantasies and she gets to share those with me rather than it always being one-sided.

So we have a date night on Friday, and I’m guessing again?

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Sorry about the bad English. I’ve dictated most of this.

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Maybe keep it simple. Take her out for a meal, send her three suggestions of places to go and ask her to pick one or let you know if she doesn’t like them. If you’re eating in, give her three meal suggestions and ask her to chose. Same for going to see a movie etc. Do most of the work and just ask for a simple decision from her, hopefully that way you’ll get some feedback.

Do you know if she actually wants sex to be part of the date night? If not, don’t assume that it is. To me, date night means a nice meal and/or a movie, a chance to talk, connect and spend time together, it doesn’t necessarily include sex.

If “date night” means “time for sex” to you both, that’s great but make sure you’re both on the same page.

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