Talk to her about it. I had to have weird and awkward conversations with my wife before we understood each other’s sex drives
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Totally off subject I do realise, but relevant all the same. Someone once said that trying to teach my husband anything was like “trying to get blood out of a stone”, and I thought that was a mean thing to say about a kind, sweet, enthusiastic man who at least tries to make people happy. 18 years and 12 years of marriage later, I couldn’t agree more. He’s not totally hopeless, but sometimes he’s close 
You are right in what you say though, about women not understanding men. Actually, reminds me of a moment I had with mine the other day, with him rested on my chest instead of me on his. He admitted to me that he feels safe there, and I told him that the only reason I’d never thought to do it before is because women are conditioned to want to find a man to protect them, not to be a protector to him themselves. Some pause for thought right there 
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Hiya ! I complement my wife all the time, she will do the same but it’s a lot less frequent.
I worship the ground she walks on, she means everything to me. I’m the guy that pulls out all the stops to make sure she is happy, and do all the little things that make her happy and smile.
I work night shifts, and so a lot of my time at home is on my own, but I purposely cut my sleep short to meet her on her lunch breaks, I do as much of the household chores as I can (to the point she tells me off for not sleeping enough, even though having the house clean and tidy means a lot to her).
Our talk is always good, we don’t argue at all, yes we can annoy one another, but the most that occurs is a moment of frustration and then we move on, not a raised word even once. We discuss things calmly, always have.
I have never, not even once, ever flirted with another woman since my wife and I first started dating, and I have zero interest in other women. My wife literally has my full and undivided attention, it may sound dumb, but I have a total of zero interest in anyone else, as far as I’m concerned, my wife is the most beautiful woman in existence, and honestly there is nothing and no one that could convince me otherwise xD
I hope this answers some of your questions.
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That sounds really good and positive. I encourage you both to work on your confidence outside of the bedroom and within it, in talking about and initiating sex. If she’s not confident in herself about how sexy she is, that can definitely be a problem. You could try telling her to ask for what she wants sometimes, that can be quite a sexy game for the pair of you that could help her find the confidence to be more direct. Good luck, and I hope you find something that works
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My OH is definitely not as confident in the bedroom as I am. I have been getting her slowly to tell me what she wants and when, which does seem to be helping
Now if only I could get her to clue me in to any of her kinks/fantasys, whenever I ask she just smiles and says ‘no’ (which honestly makes me laugh).
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I can’t say as I blame her, I can still be a little shy around my fantasies as well, given I’ve faced a lot of judgement for them in the past. That’s probably what it comes down to, that she fears you will judge her for them. Kinks & fantasies are very personal things - I only really discovered some of my husband’s kinks by running with my own and discovering that he liked some of them too
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Aye, I’ll admit that makes me a little sad 
I figured that was likely to be the case here as well, it’s just sad that she probably feels she can’t tell me.
I’m not easily shocked (and my wife well knows this) so I would guess overall that what she is thinking is not over the top in any way, shape or form, but more her anxiety of voicing her thoughts. For example, she uses cutesy words for sex etc, so confidence is definitely not her strong suit, which again is also a shame, I would have hoped that I would be the one person she wouldn’t feel that way with
Try not to overthink the cutesy words too much, a mate of mine uses “boomies” for orgasm, climax etc and now it’s force of habit for me I won’t use it all the time but it definitely happens. A case of the cutesies could be awkwardness or it could just be playfulness. Speaking from experience, women are not “supposed” to like sex or have sexy thoughts (it makes us “dirty”), so it may be that she she shames herself for thinking these things and thinks you will shame her too, hence, she tries to avoid it. Try to be patient with her, i’m sure she’ll open up when she’s ready 
In my experience, ‘cutesy’ words in sex are highly counterproductive, and I can understand why it’s an issue.
Many many years ago, my wife used to refer to ‘down below’ because she couldn’t bring herself to name the parts, and I had to also ban the word ‘willy’.
It sounds innocent and even comical, but a common theme on this forum is that it is crucial for people to communicate properly with each other about their sexual relationship. Using the words we used to use in the playground is not very conducive to what is obviously a very adult discussion, and can be a very serious one.
Plus I think using more forthright words creates the atmosphere for being more liberated, open-minded and shameless, which are the keys to great sex.
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I 100% agree.
Personally, I only use “boomies” in an almost comical sense, for example, a lazy Saturday afternoon and hubby asks me what I want to do, I mignt jovially say “make Wolfie (husband’s nickname) go boomies?”. When i’m being serious about sex, well, then i’m not shy.
I suppose when you compare those two examples, then yes, I csn see why one would be much more problematic than the other.
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Haha - @Tenshadesandme - I like “boomies”
Think I just picked up a new word
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So been together 22 years 5 children, and at times it did feel like my partner only wanted to bother with me when he wanted some which really effected me. Made me feel like I was just there and not actually wanted around unless of some assistance if you get what I mean.
I lacked confidence and self esteem along woth be exhausted with having the children, up in the night constantly, working or keeping ontop of the house daily.
Our sex life was generally only there if he initiated as I just felt crap!
Now they are older, I spent time focusing on me and becoming more comfortable with me with likes/dislikes/ weight/image etc. having soooo much more sleep and routine definitely helps pull you out a shit hole!
I initiate a lot now, and up for majority of things and wanting him all the time. We’ve talked… and he’s confused as to why I’m the way I am now and wasn’t all these years.
It’s always been in me but it does take two, and for a female to want sex they need to feel wanted, appreciated, good about them selves. I suffer with anxiety which doesn’t dominate my life but I do have. Times it becomes overwhelming and I struggle with over thinkings and that plays a massive part with what if he thinks this, or what if he doesn’t like it, what if I don’t do it well enough what if he thinks I’m strange…
I got to the point after some marital issues of thinking … what is the worst that can happen… and have that mind set as much as possible, I’ve grown confidence and lost the small amount of weight I wanted too so feel body confident. But a massive thing is him and the way he is with me! ! !
Wanting to spend time with me as me, having a laugh, going for meals, taking me away for us time, sending me naughty messages/pics, making me feel like he’s actually interested in me. With kisses cuddles, movie nights, non sexual intimacy, talking about things… not just come to bed try it on go sleep attitude.
Feeling loved is not just one thing it’s many and woman’s hormones and kids play a lot in the bedroom department!!
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Hiya ! The way it sounds like you are with your OH sounds a lot like my wife and I now.
The last few weeks there has been a lot of changed since I originally posted.
My wife, like you, has anxiety, confidence issues and anxiety. I have done everything in my power to show her how much I love her just the way she is, and been supportive when she has said she wants to do things to change her appearance etc.
It sounds like everything really panned out for you, and this gives me good hope that it will work out for my wife and I, thank you !
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