So about a month ago, I noticed a massive spike in my sex drive (it had been rising for about 6 months and I hadn’t noticed), which I believe is related to the exercise I get at my job.
My wife had a serious talk with me and said that sex was the only thing on my mind and my behaviour was inappropriate. I took this on board and have dialled it back 90%.
What is confusing me now, is that even when we are completely alone like a few hours ago tonight, I was happily being a little playful with her, and she again said it was the only thing on my mind. So I stopped. Sat back properly on the couch and left it alone.
A couple of minutes later she was flashing me her boobs which led to a lot of fun xD
After we were done, I have recently become quite touchy feely, and she just seemed to have total disinterest in that and will do almost anything to not engage with me in that time period (playing with her phone, spending lots of time in the bathroom etc).
I’m struggling to understand what’s happening here.
Am I being teased, or did she only initiate because she thought she made me sad/mad (which she didn’t, hurt my feelings a little but not sad or mad for sure).
I’m sure this probably sounds like a really pointless question, but I am genuinely concerned that my wife is using sex as a ‘cheer up’ mechanic rather than something she wants or likes.
It’s not just you, dude, ALL wives are confusing. I love mine to death but her mind is like a bag of cats at times lol!!
The best option here is to have a serious discussion about your feelings with her when you can. One thing guys should NOT do is read into relationship troubles and draw their own conclusions! Talk with her!
Seriously: I have learnt that if you are a man, you need to be prepared to just accept that a woman’s approach to sexual pleasure is usually completely illogical, and no matter how hard you try, you will never even begin to fathom it. Menopause doubles the confusion.
I am not complaining. It’s just how it is. In fact, I am fortunate to be married to a woman who realises that I am one of those guys who wants sex all the time, and although she doesn’t understand that (any more than I understand her sex drive), she mostly accepts it.
A successful sex partnership is all about managing expectations and differences in what we want, when we want it and how we want it - without worrying about why.
As others have said you need to have a conversation with her, away from the bedroom and make sure its not confrontational. No one is to blame. Just make yours and her’s feeling know and compromise. Good luck.
To be fair (especially to my wife), I don’t believe it’s possible for women to understand (most) men’s attitude to sex. We are wired so differently, so you just have to communicate to them, as best as you can, how important sex is, and how fundamental it is to your relationship - and also how much you enjoy it.
As I often say, the key is being as shameless as possible about it. For example, you often hear about men (including on this forum) who want more sex, but when they don’t get it, they go off to secretly masturbate - or even find somebody else.
You have to be completely open, including about fetishes and kinks you want to try. Because as much as they would like to think they are, women are not mindreaders.
Communication is lubrication. You definitely need to have a conversation about it. Make sure the timing of the conversation is appropriate, away from the bedroom and somewhere she will not be stuck or felt cornered and honestly you may not get an answer right away, and make sure your tone is proper. Ask questions and maybe she has something going on that she may or may not want to talk about. Just be open and honest with her. One conversation may not end the confusion but understanding where you stand and what you both need/want and can change.
Well, the conversation was had xD
The OH was awkward as hell about it, but we got there in the end.
She did initially feel bad about snapping at me, but apparently, after she snapped at me and I had stopped touching her, she then realised that she was actually quite turned on xD
It would be hard to make a judgment without being in the situation but as others have said, the only option is to have a discussion with her. Just need to say what you’ve said here essentially.
Does she have a lot on mentally at the moment? Before your sex drive increase, was there any issues?
My wife and I have what most people would probably consider a seriously codependent relationship xD so as a foundation and everything, we are an insanely solid couple the phrase my wife used when we talked was that she ‘doesn’t like herself’. So it was less about me/us and more about that she is unhappy with her image I believe.
I honestly think my wife is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on, and I’ve felt that way from the first moment I saw her to now. So I don’t know how to help her with her personal image issues, I’ve told her I’ll support her in anything she wants to try (not that she needs to in my opinion), and she seemed very happy with that.
I think the only way you’ll find the answer is to ask her as there could be a hinder reasons we all could think up for you but only the ultimate one is what she can give.
As a fellow woman with a high sex drive and a husband who definitely isn’t complaining about my sex drive or my communication skills, mind if I join you?
This for me is actually a sign of an unhealthy relationship - codependency is not something to be proud of, nor is it the makings of a “solid” relationship - interdependency is, where both parties are “solid” and independent in their own right and and can depend on one another in times of need, but codepenency is not. Please don’t brag about being codependent, it’s certainly not something I’d want in my relationship
From your name and your writing style, you also sound like you’re not very confident in yourself? It’s okay to be shy and insecure, it sounds like you desire her but she feels undesirable, and vice versa (we don’t generally agree to enter a relationship with someone we’re not attracted to ). Therapy can help you both with that, whether it’s online, self-help books or in person. Therapy can help you both believe that you are desirable people, as long as you apply yourselves to it.
Do you compliment her often, and vice versa? And just because, not only when you want sex? How do you treat one another? Support one another (with chores etc)? Speak to one another? How are your arguments? Can you discuss problems calmly, or is there lots of yelling and not talking? A big one: do you look at or flirt with other women in her presence? If you’re both looking at and flirting with others without consent, that’s likely to breed insecurity.
Women need to feel safe with and loved by a man in order to desire him. If she doesn’t feel safe and loved, it’s unlikely she’ll feel desire.
When I was 18 , I thought I understood women 100% . Now after 66 years experience I am confident I understand 1% , easy . My sexually inactive wife thinks I am horny 24 hours a day , I disagree . I do not think I am ever horny more than 20 . We have only talked about our sexual desires and needs maybe a couple thousand hours and it probably helped 5% . I wish as an old guy I could be more helpful , but every woman is different and often different than 5 minutes ago . Good luck .
for this thread 
As a woman, I’ve heard the phrase “you only think about sex” for years, are the roles reversed or are there stereotypes? 
). Therapy can help you both with that, whether it’s online, self-help books or in person. Therapy can help you both believe that you are desirable people, as long as you apply yourselves to it.