Does anyone else with AuDHD have difficulties with novelty? ie getting bored really easily with the same positions, same location, same routine .. Once I’ve done something maybe 2 or 3 times it just does nothing for me. Until diagnosis I just assumed it was a problem with me or that I must not really fancy or love my wife.
Now I understand the cause it makes much more sense of this and what I now know to be hypersexuality from an early age. It has made things easier.
Now I can be open about my draws full of sex toys, that used to be hidden in a box under my desk. My need to try something different almost every time.
And then theres the inability to be spontaneous ( my autistic side craves order and planning - the ADHD side is spontaneous so long as its me being spontaneous )
2 Likes
So I’m autistic. I crave order and planning. But planned sex seemed so contrived, and I got bored easily in bed.
Well, when we first got together, my husband was into sex around the house, bent over things, on furniture or the stairs, and I loved the variety. He began fairly early just bending me over things and taking me, and I loved it. That spontaneity I didn’t think I could embrace.
I’m now into free-use with other couples, sex parties with friends, and even simple things like partner swapping for a few days.
With the variety of partners, locations, positions, rooms, furniture, outside etc, even I don’t get bored.
I’m sure you can find your own way. It took a while, but I did, and I’m loving every second of it.
3 Likes
Um, I think I’m the opposite to you. I prefer order and routine so I struggle with sex outside of the ‘usual’. If I attempt sex at a different time or in a different location to normal then I really struggle. But on the other hand, I find planned, routine sex doesn’t get me excited which is a complete contradiction to what I just said! As a result, I have very little sex at the moment. I’m rather burnt out, so hopefully, as I recover from the burnout, my resilience to moving outside my routine should improve and spontaneous sex will become possible again! 
1 Like
I would love that, especially sex parties. The freedom to enjoy that kind of pleasure with and in front of many other people sounds like it would be incredible. But after a long time being married I
a/ really can’t be bothered having to navigate new relationships. I can’t even maintain friendships, which for me is the worst part of the autism.
b/ go through really intense limerance, or have done in the past and I don’t want to ever risk that again.
c/ hate myself physically ( nothing to do with being long term married ). I won’t go to the swimming baths or get stripped off at the beach.
Burnout is awful. I thought I knew what it was until it happened. From the inside I didn’t recognise it at all and just tried to force my way through. Until a year later I could barely get out of bed, had difficulty even talking and became so run down from not eating properly that I ended up in hospital to remove scar tissue due to severe infections. Its been nearly 4 years and I’m not recovered despite therapy.
So yeah, I know how you feel with regards burnout and just what the day to day struggle is like.
As for spontaneous sex, we found that that reduced the longer we were married. Now we want to have a shower immediatly before hand so its difficult to be spontaneous.
What we did do recently was book a local posh hotel for a night and other then eating spent the entire time naked and just doing what we felt like as the mood took us. So we had a long session when we booked in. then after tea, came back and had a shower.
I’d bought a huge water proof dog blanket which was warm, soft and big enough to cover the queen sized bed. Then we covered each other in almond oil and slid all over each other for hours. No rush. No expectations. We just gave ourselves the time, the novelty and the freedom. I’d also taken all our toys but we both agreed there was no expectation and they were there incase we felt the urge to use them.
Best 23hrs of almost continual ‘sex’ for as long as I can remember. Both planned and spontaneous.
1 Like