Hi all, firstly I'd like to say I'm new to bondage and don't know where to start really!? I've got the '50 Shades' beginners kit and would love to have a go. Does anyone have any tips on how to initiate bondage play, especially introducing the other half to it, so he's not overwhelmed by too much at once. I would also love to know the intention of a 'spreader', how one is used and the purpose of it? How does it feel/sensation and is it worth investing in one? Any advice and tips would be most welcome and appreciated. Thanks alot. š
Hi there, I'm quite new to bondage with my partner. I found starting off with arm and leg restraints worked best for us, it was something new and fun and very easy to initiate in the bedroom. You could even tie yourself up before your partner gets home (the restraints I have are very easy to use) so you're there waiting for them when they arrive. This could be a massive turn on for the both you and your partner, and would ease him into is slowly and open his mind to the different things you could do together :).
Thank you for your kind advice and this sounds a good place to start! I have some silk restraints and look forward to using them (my husband doesn't know I've got them). It's going to be exciting to surprise him and take it from there! Any more suggestions from anyone will be very valued! Thanks again. Have a good evening š.
I would recommend talking to your partner before springing BDSM on him. If he is receptive, the best way to not overload him is to try one thing at a time. Start by using restraints but keep the play/sex pretty ānormalā (normal for you) beyond that. The next time, uses restraints and add in a sensation, be it a feather tickler, a pinwheel, an ice cube, impact, pain, whatever. Then build up from there. The purpose of spreader bar is simply to spread the legs. Experiences vary from person to person but the person on the receiving end may enjoy the feeling of having their movement restricted, they may enjoy the vulnerability, they may enjoy the submissiveness of being under their partners control physically, or they may just enjoy the fact their partner has unhindered access to their genitals.
Thanks for your advice, this is great! You have also been so helpful telling me about the 'spreader'. It sounds very exciting and can't wait to try! I love the idea of being restrained and my partner being able to have uninhibited access to my body. I will take on board your advice to build things up slowly and one thing at a time! Thanks you've really helped! š.
When I first suggested BDSM to my OH, I was very nervous as I thought it wouldnāt be for him and it would be shot down straight away so I just brought it up in conversation in general not specifically aimed at us, I think I said something along the lines of āso I was watching this documentary the other day on different fetishes and one was bdsm, at first I thought it wouldnāt be for me but by the end it didnāt look that bad actuallyā and he said something along the lines of āIād love to tie you up and still see if you think the sameā so I said ok then letās do it! He was a little shocked at first I think he thought I was joking but now he loves trying new things with me. Making for a very happy me as Iāve always been into it just not found a partner to experience it with, until now. By just dropping it into general conversation and not bringing it up in a way that directly relates to yourself allows you to try and draw some info out on what his takes on it is then if heās open to it then move onto suggesting you try some new things between yourselves. If heās like no itās not for me I donāt like it etc etc then it gives you time to try and change his mind and know which angle to approach from if you have the basic info on what his feelings are on stuff like this. I hope he comes round to it though I love bondage š and itās a very exciting thing to get into
Bunnybomb2015 wrote:
When I first suggested BDSM to my OH, I was very nervous as I thought it wouldnāt be for him and it would be shot down straight away so I just brought it up in conversation in general not specifically aimed at us, I think I said something along the lines of āso I was watching this documentary the other day on different fetishes and one was bdsm, at first I thought it wouldnāt be for me but by the end it didnāt look that bad actuallyā and he said something along the lines of āIād love to tie you up and still see if you think the sameā so I said ok then letās do it! He was a little shocked at first I think he thought I was joking but now he loves trying new things with me. Making for a very happy me as Iāve always been into it just not found a partner to experience it with, until now. By just dropping it into general conversation and not bringing it up in a way that directly relates to yourself allows you to try and draw some info out on what his takes on it is then if heās open to it then move onto suggesting you try some new things between yourselves. If heās like no itās not for me I donāt like it etc etc then it gives you time to try and change his mind and know which angle to approach from if you have the basic info on what his feelings are on stuff like this. I hope he comes round to it though I love bondage š and itās a very exciting thing to get into
I think the problem with BDSM is the media and public perception. It conjours up images of leather clad dominatrixes in thigh high boots brandishing a whip.
As we all know in majority of the cases its nothing like that. ( I wish!! )
Anyway for beginners I would recommend nothing too extreme/threatening and something like blindfold play , with strokes to the body perhaps a ticker . You can also incorporate ice play and food for an extra dimension .
we just play with each other
always say what we are going to do and get out the bondage gear we aer going to be using for that session
As with all things bondage, if your new or experienced the same rules usually apply. Have an understanding of hard and soft limits, so find what your both willing to do, like is butt stuff okay? Are you both happy to be tied up? Etc. Next you should try and decipher which role you want to play, dominant (the one calling the shots) the submissive (the one taking the orders). Then I would get a safety word your both happy to say which can be used to instantly stop play, this is one of the most important parts of bondage play. Once all this has been discussed I would suggest starting with a blindfold and a bit of teasing, a few kisses on the neck and running your fingers down their body and across intimate areas, nipple sucking and gentle nibbling can be fun and blowing on recently licked areas will be super cold and tingly. After the blindfold has been introduced you can start with some restraints such as restraining your partner to the bed with cuffs or rope etc and then the same as above, some gentle teasing and playing and maybe some gentle spanking. Look up some impact play safe zones to know where you can spank without causing bruising etc. You can also use ice to tease and excite your partner too and maybe use a small toy like a bullet vibe etc. This can all be fun and exciting and slowly you will both find your roles and limits so you can go as hard or gentle as you like. First steps is to discuss your partner and maybe just say you fancy trying something a little different, or want your partner to take charge. The spreader bars are excellent, you simply attach the two cuffed ends to your ankles and this stops the submissive from closing their legs, this is perfect for forced orgasm play and for you to take full control of what your partner has to offer. Spreader bars come in a lot of different sizes but usually you find itās a whole bar or one which is split and you can adjust to spread your partner further and further.
Thank you, you information and advice is so helpful. You certainly know what to do and this has given me ideas and confidence in what to try first (and then build up!) I realise it doesn't have to be a taboo subject. Talking with like-minded people is so reassuring and great! Glad to have joined the forum. Can't thank you enough! š.
Whatever direction you decide to go in dont forget to talk to your partner before hand and set boundaries were both of you are comfortable with . It wolud be a good idea to adopt a safeword as well so that you can abort if either of you start feeling uncomfortable .