So I’m wondering if the New Year is the time to finally try to kick my lingerie-wearing kink/addiction.
I know this forum is fantastically open and has a very strong “Just be yourself” attitude, but I wondered what others really think, especially those (of either gender) who just don’t get lingerie on a man.
I tend to go through episodes of deep self conscience and inner embarrassment, thinking I look stupid and am being a bit weird….almost sick in some people’s eyes……by wearing underwear meant for girls, but then I’ll come around and tell myself it’s my private business, other people do far worse, it isn’t harming anyone and can sometimes be a bit sexy in a kinky way.
Over the holidays I’ve worn lingerie a few times and more than ever I’ve ended up with a quick thrill only to be followed by thinking “Honestly, look at the state of you” and undressing as fast as possible.
The fact lingerie styled for a woman’s body will never look entirely right on a man didn’t really bother me in the past and was almost part of the fun, but lately…seeing bra cups pulled flat across my chest, knickers stretched and suspenders strained about as tight as they can go just to fit (even with good sizing)…. I’m beginning to feel what can only be described as a bit freakish.
I mean lingerie….its meant to enhance and grace the beauty of the female form isn’t it? I used to think wearing it would be somehow empathetic to females (tenuous I know) but now wonder if girls would just think “Great, I wear that combo and look damn good in it, and this guy really thinks it suits him too?”. It makes me wonder sometimes what people like the LH team think too, when they market gorgeous underwear made to look fabulous, only to discover it’s been bought by a man to squeeze in to and try to look weirdly sexy.
Time to give up? Or just leave it a while and come back?
Whaddya think? Be honest, I genuinely won’t be offended….
I occasionally doubt myself when I’m wearing lingerie {I’m not exactly svelte} but fortunately I have a very supportive wife who loves to see me in full lingerie.
I also wear women’s knickers permanently so I’ve got used to the look over time and moments of self doubt are getting rarer.
Personally I am not a fan of men wearing woman’s lingerie and find it difficult to understand, however if you enjoy it and don’t hurt anyone doing it, don’t stop.
Oof, there’s a lot to unpack here.
First, it sounds to me like you have a lof of negative self-beliefs going on? I’d hazard a guess to say that you’re quite a sensitive soul who lets other’s judgements of him affect him far more than he should? Stop, now. You’re beautiful, and you deserve to feel beautiful 
Being a flatter chested girlie myself, bras? Eh, I’m over them. I have one bra that gets pulled out for times when I need to act proper (and even then I pad it out with “chicken fillets” 
) and that is it. I live in t-shirts and tank tops, and I’m fine with that. If you want to feel more feminine, find clothing with a lace trim. I’m a tomboy, I didn’t think I could ever be feminine - a bit of lace proved me very wrong!
From my personal experience, the more you try to close off a kink or a quirk, the more likely it is to come back even stronger. This is you, it is a part of you, no more than your toes and nose are. You need to learn to embrace and accept that. You like to wear lingerie, and that’s okay.
If it is more of an empathising thing for you, try to understand the physiology of bras: think of bras a bit like a boob holder for the women who need them. They look pretty, sure, but they’re also functional. Would you buy a shelf unit you didn’t need? No? So why buy a bra to hold up the boobs you don’t have? Unless you think it looks pretty on you of course, in which case embrace it, and rock on
Little ironic to read this now as the OH and I were talking last night and I told her how I’d like to start wearing women’s lingerie under my clothes when we go out on our date nights.
To your question though….remembering back to my human sexuality class at university….
“A fetish is only a problem if it interferes with your normal life. Meaning impacting relationships, social or professional functioning etc in a negative way”
Go for it.
I wear womens knickers permanently and occasionally, when we go out, I wear suspenders with a leg harness.
Some very valid points there. Regards the fetishistic angle, lingerie wearing is like an addiction for me. I don’t quite know why I like it, I just know I do….the naughtiness, the “wrongness”, the intimacy of it……it all excites me a little.
But honestly, more and more I just feel I look something of a freaky mess and that in turn takes away from the pleasure.
And yes, I appreciate it’s all about what makes me feel good and to hell with what anyone else thinks.
Usually, wearing a bra, knickers and stockings makes me feel stupidly fabulous or fabulously stupid, both of which I find strangely satisfying but just lately the……fizz….has gone and I just feel plain weird.
Interesting point about the actual need for a bra rather than the desire to wear one. Obviously as a man I don’t actually need one so maybe that’s behind this latest lack of enthusiasm. I have been wearing my black set a lot which is both wired and padded and thus clearly meant for someone with boobs, and therefore looks plainly superfluous on me. (Technical terms, I know!)
Maybe I need to revisit what styles and types of lingerie I’m choosing?
I would say almost certainly. Try different colours as well - black can wash you out. Pastel colours, wine red and navy blue are personal favourites.
You are fabulous, you’re just a little disenchanted rignt now. Have a wonderful new year, take this advice into the new year and reinvent your wardrobe
Also, if stockings are making you feel a bit daft, try stripey knee-length socks, the bolder the better! Yes you’ll look stupid but you’ll look stupidly cute! 
This post was kinda lovely in a way to read and get an insight into your mind. I’d always say go with what you feel comfortable with and do what makes you happy, so if your feeling like it’s time to give it up then go for it just as long as it’s your choice and not been influenced by others cause in the end clothes are all just fabric what comes off the same roll, they have no gender until someone says they do.
You must wear what you feel best in. You can only feel sexy when comfortable with what you are wearing, no matter what it is
It sounds like there’s a lot going on here. It sounds to me like you gave a big tug of war going on between the part of your brain that wants to embrace your love of lingerie and the other half which is full of shame and self doubt (maybe from a conservative upbringing or unhelpful and judgemental attitudes from less enlightened parts of society) and maybe a small part of you that’s not sure you have the right styles for your body shape. Please ignore the shame and self doubt part, if you enjoy lingerie and get pleasure from it then go for it. Like @Tenshadesandme said, maybe it’s time to try some new styles and see if you can find something that you feel truely comfortable in? If the bras are not making you feel confident, ditch them and enjoy the knickers on their own or with stockings. You could try a crop top or maybe consider a harness (I think harnesses look awesome 
) instead of a bra if you still want something on your top half. If stockings are not fitting well, maybe try some crotchless tights or mock garters? You could try a body stocking if you haven’t already, they look good on all body shapes. Ditch the shame and experiment some more!
@marbles1 omg been through this exact same thing several times with my own lingerie addiction for the past few years
I throw everything away
I delete my social media accounts where I shared my pictures wearing my lingerie
I delete my NSFW postings on other accounts
I deleted my Skype accounts
But I come back to it
I bought more lingerie
I buy more anal plugs and lubi cam n cum with more guys and other lingerie wearing guys
It’s an ever ongoing cycle
I read it’s known as purging in cross dressing circles
I don’t know any answers unfortunately
I’m right now in the middle of another cycle
New lingerie bought in store
Not yet tried on even
And more feelings of remorse and shame and guilt overwhelming me
All good points too.
I know I mentioned my black set has a wired and padded bra which is possibly the least forgiving type on a man, but my other couple of bras are more relaxed and I did get a completely non-wired bralette a few months ago which works really well so I can appreciate how different styles and types of lingerie can work.
Maybe I do just need to stop trying so hard?
@Kitty-Cat01 dome great advice
As a guy who frequently gets very similar feelings about his lingerie wearing what you suggested makes good sense and I can tell that you understand the problems we’re facing
My lingerie wearing and cam masturbation sessions while wearing with other guys is definitely an addiction
The advice on trying different lingerie styles is great too
I loved how I looked in a crotchless body stocking and a little lacy thong
Same as how I felt in a little baby doll nightie and matching thong
As I told the lingerie shop assistant that did my bra fitting I never really felt comfortable in a bra and it really only completes the look when I’m wearing my stockings and suspenders and a tight little thong or gstring
Can I suggest an alternative to the norm with I’m also in agreement with as you should be able to wear what you want.
But here’s the alternative. Take a holiday from the woman’s clothes 1 or 2 months just go cold turkey. Then try it on again and see how you feel analysis your feeling in the holiday reflect on your choices and if it’s in your draws or somewhere, put it in a suitcase and put it out of sight.
Find yourself, the strength, conviction and confidence will come. Whichever way it falls I and whatever you choose, happy to be a sounding wall for you.
I think another elephant in the room is falling foul of choosing certain items of lingerie that, even on a girl, require a very toned and trim figure to look good.
Not trying to body shame anyone, or be at all ageist, but let’s be honest, lingerie models aren’t exactly middle aged nor do they have the female equivalent of a dad bod 
Fashion houses are missing an opportunity. I’m there with you on the dad body. Let’s form a union. Hope you find a solution.
@JGood theres a few companies that produce lingerie aimed at the guy market
Some are full on gay oriented with emphasis on the cock and strappy kinda studded looks
Others are frilly pink and silky sissy style
Others seem aimed at guys with athletic skinny bodies as the bra tops and bikinis are definitely designed with no man boobs in mind
My preference would be for regular women’s lingerie
Somehow squeezing into a tight fitting thong really appeals
“Men’s lingerie” has never, ever done anything for me.
One of the things I like/liked about wearing it is the idea of messing with gender roles a little, but without going down the full cross-dressing route.
There’s nothing more bazar in feeling than a woman’s thong riding your crack and bisecting your testicles while the sheer lace fabric is rubbing against your glands exciting you and emasculating you with one of the most erotic feeling of your life to that point