Long post, sorry. Haha
I’m in a bit of an awkward position. It’s been quite some time since I’ve had a girlfriend or female sexual partner. That in and of itself isn’t necessarily weird, but for the past year or so, despite the fact that I’ve never identified as being gay, I’ve been having regular sex with another man.
My ex girlfriend was the catalyst for all of this. Sexually, she was a free spirit, very open minded and non-judgmental. We had a very varied sex life which included anal play and pegging. I felt comfortable being completely honest with her and I told her that despite never having been romantically attracted to men, I was bicurious.
Me opening up to her led to us exploring the possibility of involving another man, and despite my nervousness, she invited a man over and I had mutual oral sex with him. There were parts of it I enjoyed and parts that I didn’t, but she enjoyed the experience, so we invited him over again, which led to us having a threesome and him having anal sex with me.
It was about 3 months later when her work have her an ultimatum, either move interstate or lose her lucrative job. With a lack of other competitive options, she decided to move, and since I wasn’t in a position to move, we broke up.
Afterwards, I met up with that man for sex twice. When it was obvious that it wasn’t headed anywhere serious, he moved on and I started looking for another woman. But when those dates weren’t fruitful, I cast a wider net and started talking with a guy.
This guy and I are in a similar position. Similar age, both exploring our sexuality. So for the last year or so (with a break of a few months in the middle), we’ve been meeting up regularly and having sex.
I wouldn’t say this is a romantic relationship. For the most part, there’s no real affection. We’ve become friends, but we wouldn’t really hang out together if we weren’t having sex. We kind of joke that it’s a transactional relationship, but in reality, it is.
2 weeks ago, after chatting for the best part of a month, I went on a date with a woman. We have definite chemistry and I can see myself dating her. I have been honest with her since the start and let her know that I’m heteroflexible/ heteroromantic bisexual, that I’ve been with men and she isn’t phased by it at all. But since meeting her the first time, I’ve had sex with the guy twice and I feel really guilty about it despite there not being any commitment.
It’s legitimately a difficult situation for me because I do want to pursue things with this woman. I’ve definitely found myself feeling lonely and craving an emotional connection, which I know I can further develop and find with her. But at the same time, I’ve spent the last year as a bottom for a guy and really enjoy it, even if it doesn’t fulfill my emotional needs.
Does anyone here have any experience navigating these kinds of situations? I feel like the solution is obvious. I have to stop seeing this guy and try something with someone who could really make me happy. But in saying that, I will definitely miss getting to be submissive during sex.
