So I think the title of the post or my initial explanation has been lost in translation, and as a result the replies have been more about the ethos and psychological reasoning, rather than what advice I was actually seeking.
So, firstly - We discussed her lack of fantasy a long while ago, not mentioned it since - so no pressure, certainly zero nagging, and no expectations
The fantasy side was for MY benefit
We have had a sex life over the last?? Years that most men/women /couples would dream about, sex clubs, love swings, snowballing, cleaning up, bed straps, just to dip my toe in our sexual ocean
Most of MY fantasy thoughts we’ve done, or are still doing each week, having her have wild fantasy in HER head benefits me very little
I try to be the best husband, the best lover and her best friend and treat her as good as I possibly can, I’m crazy in love with her, and highly attracted to her, which she often says that “She loves how I Love Her”.
Most of the time I DO ALL the leading
This can be frustrating, but her lack of imagination is the wall, she assures me that she wudn do what we do if she didn’t want to, she’s just crap at coming up with ideas and doesn’t know what she wants?
So, onto the purpose of this post - are you sitting comfortably?
I was asking for advice on how to slowly introduce and play with the topic of fantasy.
Some good replies came in the form of possible books, we saw 50 shades awaken her previously, but we’ve not found any books that have recreated this, maybe the novelty isn’t there anymore or just not found the right book.
The idea was to slowly introduce the concept of fantasy to her, giving her a few thoughts possibly
Once I had information on how and what this was going to be, we’d discuss it.
If she wasn’t into it, fine. It’d get parked.
I don’t need to “Back Off”, as its NEVER BEEN ON
This is solely for HER benefit
I thought it would be nice for her to have a few naughty thoughts to make her smile inside, or think about during sex or masterbation etc
Maybe she does already have Fantasies, but too shy to tell me.
That’s HER perogative, it can stay that way, unless she relaxes a bit one day and decides to share - her choice
She swears she’s just not imaginative, she’s NEVER said she’s opposed to the topic, just not that good at it
Like anything, you have to try it to know if you like it.
But she’s never really played with the subject, being in a previous relationship that was boring, no love and unwanted.
On that note, she said she’d longed for a relationship where she was properly in love, so she must of fantasised about that, so she is capable, she just hasn’t put much thought into it, pardon the pun.
I have my ideas on what a slow approach might look like, but I wanted other ideas of other people, so my narrative wasn’t narrow and just my version, which could be wrong.
I love this woman to bits and wouldn’t push her, nag her or do anything she didn’t want to do, especially for my benefit & she knows this.
She/me doesn’t need psycho analysing, we just want some thoughts on fun ways to inspire fantasy into her world.
And after I collate enough information and filter it accordingly, I’ll discuss it with her, with the possibility of playing with the topic.
It’ll all be fantasy, I have no intentions of bringing a 3rd party into the bedroom or anything like that.
However, if she did have something shed like to do, Id jump at the chance of giving somethings back, she’s done enough for me in the past.
Ultimately its HER choice, if I approach the subject and she says, you know what, I’m just not into it, I’d never mention the subject again
and horny - I’m considering re-reading them. Sylvia Day Crossfire x 5 books also had a similar impact.
The thing is, people are less likely to contribute when they don’t understand what you’re actually asking for and other replies have been shot down. I think you’ve said what you want to ask, but then talked about so many other things, that your actual question gets lost.