Hey all,
Looking for a bit of advise... the other day I was giving my partner a bj and he asked me to rim him. I instantly said no but regretted it seeing the hurt on his face. I'm not totally apposed to it but I'm still fairly new to all things and it caught me off guard.
I would very much appreciate any and all tips and advise you can share to appease my nerves but make it good for him.
Thanks in advance
Have you spoke to him about it since and explained that it's something you're willing to do, but were caught off guard when he asked before?
If you use the search function and type rimming, lots of threads with great advice and suggestions will come up. The other thing I would suggest is asking him to guide you as to what he likes, what feels good for him and ask for praise when you're doing something he likes as this will make you feel more comfortable :)
i would also suggest him to douche his back passage beforehand. i know this isnt sexy but it keeps things hygienic which is most important when introducing any anal play, and would make you feel more comfortable sticking your tongue in there when its 'cleaner'
i bought this douche from lovehoney and its really good
http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=5181
Can you tell us a bit more about what you think of it? Did you say no because you find it dirty? Because you were caught off guard? Because you have zero interest in anal play? because you,re heard bad things about it? Because you've never done this and don,t know how to proceed? This would help us offer you better advices
Take a shower or bath together make sure he is very clean.
Many people of both sees find anal stimulation very hot. Not only is it nuaghty but the anus is backed with nerve endings and can be very arousiing.
In women this can be even more erotic as the nerve endings are linked to the floor of the vagina . for guys just inside his anus is the prostate and this is like a woman's g spot.
Chat more and let him know your not totally adverse to it.
+1 to all the hygeine advice, straight out of the shower is a good place to start.
You don't need to jump straight into rimming if this is totally new territory for you, especially if you are in any way uncomfortable. A slippery wet finger (lube or spit, your choice) in circular motions can emulate the sensation of rimming without you having to put your tongue there. Just remember to trim your nails or use a glove or you could scratch him. If you want to progress to using your tongue but are still a bit squicky about it you can use a little cling film over his bum hole so your tongue doesn't make direct contact with it.
Most of all I'd say don't put too much pressure on yourself, should you decide to try it out the simple fact that you're willing to stimulate him there at all will likely be enough to make him very happy!
Lovebirds_x wrote:
+1 to all the hygeine advice, straight out of the shower is a good place to start.
You don't need to jump straight into rimming if this is totally new territory for you, especially if you are in any way uncomfortable. A slippery wet finger (lube or spit, your choice) in circular motions can emulate the sensation of rimming without you having to put your tongue there. Just remember to trim your nails or use a glove or you could scratch him. If you want to progress to using your tongue but are still a bit squicky about it you can use a little cling film over his bum hole so your tongue doesn't make direct contact with it.
Most of all I'd say don't put too much pressure on yourself, should you decide to try it out the simple fact that you're willing to stimulate him there at all will likely be enough to make him very happy!
+1. Agreed
He's lucky to have someone like you. I know when my husband brought up pegging I almost fainted in shock. I think its just a natural reaction as all things anal is still such a taboo.
I can't offer much advice, just don't force yourself into the deep end super quickly. Its been a few months now since I have used anal toys on my husband. Rimming and using my fingers(my nails are long and I love them) are no no's. He's very kind and accepting of this. As Lovebirds said just you being willing to try it will be such a pleaser for him.
Good luck with it all.
I can totally understand why he would enjoy it and he's told me that he has done pegging before, but I think that it's just that he had never brought it up with me and just said it in the "heat of the moment" that really put me of guard. I initially thought eww but having thought it through more it's not such an issue. Anal play is not new, but it's just that's it's usually me that receives it. It would be great to give him something back but I don't want to disappoint after his request. Is that possible?mamz wrote:
Can you tell us a bit more about what you think of it? Did you say no because you find it dirty? Because you were caught off guard? Because you have zero interest in anal play? because you,re heard bad things about it? Because you've never done this and don,t know how to proceed? This would help us offer you better advices
Thank you! This may all be a case of me scaring myself without due cause. Since that day we have still been intimate but neither of us have approachedwhat was said. Maybe I should take the bull by the horns and bring it up :)Lovebirds_x wrote:
+1 to all the hygeine advice, straight out of the shower is a good place to start.
You don't need to jump straight into rimming if this is totally new territory for you, especially if you are in any way uncomfortable. A slippery wet finger (lube or spit, your choice) in circular motions can emulate the sensation of rimming without you having to put your tongue there. Just remember to trim your nails or use a glove or you could scratch him. If you want to progress to using your tongue but are still a bit squicky about it you can use a little cling film over his bum hole so your tongue doesn't make direct contact with it.
Most of all I'd say don't put too much pressure on yourself, should you decide to try it out the simple fact that you're willing to stimulate him there at all will likely be enough to make him very happy!
Although cleanliness is important I'm not a fan of douching but as others have said a shower together will help to relax you and make sure everything's fresh.
The first time I tried rimming we used a flavoured lube to help me get over any ickiness worries but since then we haven't bothered.
I love seeing him moan and squirm while I'm down there, it definitely adds another level of naughtiness and kink to our oral sessions.
my hubby was always against me going near this area, over time i used to just roam my fingers around and then when i was sucking his balls would each time go a bit lower, eventually got to the stage of him saying and pleading for me to rim him, now he cannot beleive how much he loves it and says he has been missing out all these years, as others have said hygeine is very important so make sure bathed and showered extra in that area and off you go, just take things slow and at your pace
My husband is against me going anywhere near this area he enjoys me giving him oral but doesn't like giving me oral so I do feel like I'm missing out I also enjoy being stimulated through my back passage so I just use toys that I use on my own.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with being taken aback by his request or being unsure if you want to do it. Some people love it, some people hate it and some people don't want to do it. All of those are acceptable attitudes to have. Also, if you try it and hate it, you don't have to do it again.
I strongly advocate being risk aware in every sexual situation. Rimming does have risks and showering and douching doesn't remove the risks (although I am sure it does make the experience more pleasant). I am linking to a website made by the Terrence Higgins Trust so the information is reliable. It has a pretty explicit picture so don't look if you have someone prudish standing behind you! http://www.hardcell.org.uk/playroom/rimming/things-to-know/ Lots of people say they have never got sick so the risks are made up. That's not how it works. I had unprotected sex with many people when I was younger and never got an STI, but we all know the risk is there.
Using a dental dam might be an option if you are squeamish. It would also help protect you from infections and parasites. You can make dental dams from condoms. This website shows you how: http://www.iknowmine.org/panels/dental-dams
Rimming someone is personally one of my few hard limits. It isn't just because it kind of makes me feel queasy, it is also because of the health risks. I choose to do lots of other things that have risks though. It is all about being risk aware and deciding which risks you are willing to take. My ex enjoys both rimming and being rimmed. He has done it to me and although it doesn't really do anything for me, I am ok with him doing it as long as he understands the risks. Maybe in future I will rim someone through a dental dam, but right now I don't want to.
I definitely agree with the people saying he is lucky to have you, I would love this done to me but I can't see it anytime soon I do it for my wife and she loves it though
It's all about what you are comfortable with doing. As others have mentioned some people love it, some hate it and others have no strong feelings about it. I personally have no issue with it but you shouldn't ever feel you have to do anything you don't feel happy with. I would definitely have a word with him and just gently explain that he caught you off-guard with it and you weren't offended/didn't mean to upset him. Being open with your partner is a massive part of having a great sexual relationship so it really is good to know where you both stand on certain things. If you do decide you want to give it a try then you could try just starting slowly. Perhaps have a shower together and try using a finger to get an idea as to pressure etc. If feeling a little nervous you could start by giving him oral sex before slowly moving down and around to the other side. Ask him to guide you by telling you what he likes.
Gentle giant wrote:
Lovebirds_x wrote:
+1 to all the hygeine advice, straight out of the shower is a good place to start.
You don't need to jump straight into rimming if this is totally new territory for you, especially if you are in any way uncomfortable. A slippery wet finger (lube or spit, your choice) in circular motions can emulate the sensation of rimming without you having to put your tongue there. Just remember to trim your nails or use a glove or you could scratch him. If you want to progress to using your tongue but are still a bit squicky about it you can use a little cling film over his bum hole so your tongue doesn't make direct contact with it.
Most of all I'd say don't put too much pressure on yourself, should you decide to try it out the simple fact that you're willing to stimulate him there at all will likely be enough to make him very happy!
+1. Agreed
The suggestion about first using a finger is a really good idea - a gentler,, easier way to begin getting used to each other, anally. Rimming is a wonderful thing to share, but it takes courage and you both need to be comfortable about what you're doing. That will come, but will do more easily if you work up to it.