Last night I had a fab time with my OH but I did not orgasm...this is the 1st time this has not happened in the 4 yrs we have been together and I think it is because a memory from my ex husband (who was a nasty peice of work) suddenly hit me hard. I felt myself block off, just for a few seconds but did not tell my OH. How do i tell him what happened? He is intruiged as to what happened. Telling him would mean opening a whole can of worms. He knows I had a terrible time (as i have some phycal scars to tell a story) but I have never been able to tell him all. It is not a trust issue but I am in a fantastic relationship and the last thing I want to do is make him wary of what he does as we have a fantastic relationship.
I really thought the past was over but since we got married in March there has been a few fleeting moments of sudden memories flooding me..they go as quick as they came.
I feel silly but last night has left me shaken all day.
I'm really sorry for how you're feeling, I know you've not asked for any advice; but I would suggest you speak to your OH in regards to everything, so he knows where he stands and try not to put a barrier up with him. You say you have a fantastic realtionship, but sometimes the past has a way of biting us in the arse. If you don't talk to him about it and explain you may very well end up making him wary for all the wrong reasons which could ruin what you've spent four years with him building up.
Due to some of my exes and past experiances with guys it made me really closed up and warey. My OH now for several years tried to get me to open up to him for a long time, we started off as friends and became really good friends, but I was too scared of letting it get past that phase, and he's a great guy he didn't need me and my 'emotional baggage' so to speak. As friends I told him several depressing stories and explained to him why we would never be together, because the thought of someone touching me made me feel sick inside and I'd freeze up and I tried so hard to push him away but he refused to go anywhere, the poor guy spent such a long time telling me how he felt about me without any form of response from myself, until I finally gave into the feelings I tried to bury and things between us are great. He knew why I'd sometimes freeze up and he was always there (Still is to support me), and those momories do sometimes come back to the surface and my poor fella gets what he describes as "Articness" on occasions if something is said/reminds of something I don't want to be reminded of. He's stuck around.
Once you open up to him and let him know things about yourself, your past it makes it easier to let go I guess? You don't have the flashbacks as much, you more than likely won't forget, I haven't. But IMO we've let a couple of assholes dictate our past, lets not give them our future too.
Feel better soon hun. xx
Let me start by my saying I know what your feeling tho I am not married my ex was very abusive. And sometimes I also can't orgasm because of it. It can be really hard to tell your partner what's happened. But once I told him it was like a huge weight had been lifted. And it will probably be the same for you. Before I told him my partner didn't know what was Wrong. He fault it was him. But after I told him he was and still is amazing with it. He helps me everyday. It's not easy honey caused it makes you remember it all again. But you will feel better once he knows. Big big hugs and hope you work it out and feel better soon babe. Xxx
If you can't tell him or you find it hard to tell him get a piece of paper and write down how you feel and what makes somethin trigger the memory and then burn it . I was abused as a child by my real mum & part of my recovery and dealing with all the crap was to get it out my head on a piece of paper so it didnt drive me insane and then I burnt it so no one knew and it helped me so much . x
Thank you all your honest help, it has given me the kick up the back side I need.
We have been given a rare night off on Sun night/monday day so i have deicided I am going to bear all. He knows a lot of vague stuff but I feel my head and heart is telling me to share. I have never told anyone how bad things were but 2 friends are aware of some stuff.
It is not that i do not trust my OH but i worry what he will hear things that will make him very angry and I have to still see my ex has he has weekend access with my daughter every 4-6 weeks. I only see him for handing over and have always doen this in a neutral. My deepest fear is that once i do tell him exactly what i went through it may make him draw back a bit.. What we have is amazing and I know i can trust him 100% so I do not want the tihngs my ex did to impace the good thing we have Kinky i have doen that in the early days but i have not done it for a while but i think I will give it a try again, thankyoux
My dad didn't know about my abuse I suffered and last Nov I told him I bared all it was so hard but for us it brought us closer as there was this barrier between us because I was too scared to tell him the horrible things she did to me because once I have told my dad it he had to deal with it and process it and it scared the living crap out of me but it work for us we have a better relationship now for having it out In the open