Old Toys, New Relationship

Off-Topic Chat
1

So, my ex is now well and truly my ex and there is no chance of rekindling or starting over. She had collected her things from my place and mine from her place.

When it came to 'our' sex toys, over the past four years, it was solely down to me building up the collection of things we have enjoyed, mostly a variety of vibrators and dildos and butt plugs. The collection has recently included a number of kinky items including cuffs, spreader bars and even a swing.

When I was packing her stuff, I just put whatever toys she had 'brought' to the relationship with her stuff and kept everything I had 'brought' to the relationship. Mostly purchased from here over the four years together. Although I did give her a couple of her old favourites because I wes feeling sentimental.

Whilst together, I never looked at these things as yours and mine, even though it was me doing the reserach and the buying.

So now I have a rather decent collection of toys and bondage equipment and yes I still will be using the toys on me whilst I am single. The butt plugs never interested her too much anyway, but I use dildos too.

My question is, what happens when the time comes and I find someone new? Do I get rid of these toys and start a new collection with the new person? Or keep them and use them assuming its ok to use, knowing the collection was started with an ex?

How would you feel if you met someone who had a massive collection of toys and bondage gear and you knew this was stuff bought when with their ex partner?

Personally for me, as and when I meet someone new and I discover their toy collection, I wouldnt think about their ex's etc. I would be happy that this person is as 'toy-happy' as I am when it comes to sex. I say this now and the thoughts at the time may be different but hopefuly not.

I know I probably sounds like an amateur at this, but this is only the 3rd relationship I have had, and by far the most longest and serious, so really this is all new ground for me in terms of break up too.

2

Wouldn't want to see any toys that had been used on a previous partner. Used on him by the previous partner is probably ok. Depends on how much emotion he still had tied up in the previous relationship. That can be a lot, even if it is definitely over. Solo stuff would be fine.

Basically, how particular it was to her, along with consideration of hygiene issues and how strong the old associations were.

If it was bondage gear though, I'd probably apologise for being so boring and leave. Really don't want to be the subject of a "How can I get my OH to do this" thread on here or force someone I cared about to compromise on something as important as BDSM is to everyone.

3

Hi Jenson, for me it would be definitely no to any internal toys, it doesn't matter how 'clean' they were, that would be a big no no.

With regards the bondage gear, this is a tricky one. Firstly, it would really depend if your new partner is into it or not, and also how they would feel emotionally in this situation.

In reality, you don't really want to have to spend hundreds of pounds on new bondage equipment either. A lot depends on your new partner and how they feel about it themselves. If it was me personally, I would much rather start a new collection with my new partner together, but that's just me. Sorry if I haven't helped much and I really hope you find someone special soon xx

4

Me personally I wouldn't see a problem as long as there was no talk of she liked this or she preferred that. If that makes sense. As long as they were cleaned and safe I wouldn't have a problem its only the same as my toys that have been used on myself by someone else there will always be an attachment to them but at the end of a relationship you cant replace everything even clothes she may have worn. When you find the right girl then you will work out if she is ok with your collection or if you will need to trade in for a new collection.

5

I wouldn't like to have used on me toys that were previously used on someone else,especially internal ones.Solo items and bondage gear are ok.

6

New relationships are a bit like hotel rooms. You know they've had occupants before, but you don't necessarily want to see evidence of them.

I'd agree with the above. Anything that gets messy is probably a no-no. Dry stuff, well, that might be ok.

7

Thanks guys - really I am thinking too much into this right ow and the last thing on my mind is to dive into something new anyway.

For the foreseeable it is about me, myself and I - in terms of my work and studying, my family time and my sex life.

Thanks though anyway for the advice and time taken.

8

Honestly, I'd feel intimidated and pressured by a guy having any toys that weren't his own for solo use. Anything bought for or used by an ex, or with an ex, I'd expect to have been discarded before starting a new relationship. Even things like dildos that had been used by you both i wouldn't be happy about being kept. If it has ever been in or on an ex's body, it would be a major no no to me. This is about his own solo toys, i fdon't want toys used on me in a relationship.

To be fair, I'm not like most here, for me toys was about reassuring myself and placating a life long illness that i feared sexual activity would affect my ability to control my bowel or bladder, (which is my biggest fear/phobia in general) and now i know it doesn't I'm only interested in feeling pleasure by my partners touch, toys won't be a part of our relationship, I'd never want them to be.

9

I personally woudn't mind if a guy had a collection. I wouldn't want him to use any of them on me, just in case they had been used on an ex (Do I recall right, that some guy a few weeks ago commented here about "keeping it secret" that his toys were used on a previous partner?)

Anyway, yes, the idea of using already used toys on my body does make me feel icky. However, it would depend. I now know that certain toys can be sterlised by boiling, or in a 10% bleach solution (Such as stainless steel and pure silicone). If the toy was porous or not able to be sterlised I wouldn't have it near me. Still, even after sterilising, the first thing on my mind would be "This has been inside someone else" and it is a bit off-putting.

It's kinda weird when I think about it though. Stainless steel hospital equipment gets re-used after being sterilised....

I think it's just a mental thing.

10

I meant to add....bondage gear is a tricky one. Not many materials used for bondage gear can be sterlised. I guess using the spreader bar etc I would be okay with, but using the crops and whips etc I don't think so. If you ever drew blood, or run the tips of those leather/suede items over genitals, they will have soaked up body fluids. Very tricky one.

11

I would say, when you find a new partner start a new collection. I read a story once about a girl seeing an ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend wearing clothes that she'd left at his house after they broke up and I thought that was weird enough! Nevermind something that's been used for sex. Even bondage gear, I wouldn't want to have been used on a previous partner. Depending on what a new partner thinks, I think its ok to keep anything you use just by yourself, but in a seperate collection not for use with others!

12

I literally started a whole new box with new relationship.

I had some favs that was sad to say bye to but I would hate to think of the thought process going through my partners mind pulling out old toys previously used with exes.

That is a very good idea though about keeping them seperate for personal use though :)

13

I would start over new relationship new experiences :)

14

I have keep outfits but not toys, its odd to think its been used on someone else.

15

Internal ise toys would be a big no for me. Even some bondage stuff would be a no unless it has been washed.
I know I found handcuffs on my husbands storage and he suggested using them. I felt ill at the idea he had used them
With someone else and made him Bin them

16

Get rid and start new. It's as bad as letting a new partner wear her old clothes. I guess she would think you would want her to be like your ex. X

17

I wouldn't be happy with the bondage gear (I wouldn't fancy the idea of being restrained with the same gear that had been used on an "ex" and moreover, I would have doubts about the possibility of cleaning most stuff "properly" - the idea of an ex gf's sweat and other... fluids being still present, having seeped into the leather or fabric feels horrible and yucky), and with shared toys (something a way too intimate to share with anyone but one's partner). A new relationship (once you have started to feel that this one could actually have a future, having already got to know your new OH a bit) is surely more than money you had previously spent on sex toys while with your ex, I think.

If I (after a bit of time together, obviously) learned he didn't have just a Tenga egg or two (and a couple of hands, lol) but actually a drawer full of strokers and plugs he had been playing with regularly but had never shared them with anyone, I would be quite willing to use them on him/with him if he wanted me to do so.

I think you should start a new collection once you have find yourself a new girlfriend. (If you have something you have had for your own, personal use only, keep it.)

18

If it was sterilizable I wouldn't mind.

Not any people think about how many mouthes a fork has been in. They're tools, they do a job. I wouldn't expect someone to chuck perfectly useable things away like that unless they had a negative association with it themselves.

19

Keep your own toys and any mega expensive bondage gear but anything couple or female based is a big no no. I couldn't use something chosen for an ex girlfriend, that includes bondage stuff, I couldn't use it knowing you'd done the same with someone else. But of something cost you £100 you don't want to throw it away to only buy another. Tricky one. If, god forbid, me and OH ever split up I'd give him his box of toys

20

Pixieking wrote:

If it was sterilizable I wouldn't mind.

Not any people think about how many mouthes a fork has been in. They're tools, they do a job. I wouldn't expect someone to chuck perfectly useable things away like that unless they had a negative association with it themselves.

Stuff like this I battle with every day :P

Personally it depends on my mood. I chucked all the stuff we'd used together away, but I had a lot of couples stuff I'd bought but not used or got out because I didn't want to share it with him, so I've kept that.