Hi everyone, I hope you are well and staying safe?
This is a tricky and really difficult situation that I’m trying to deal with and it’s causing me alot of stress/anxiety and I don’t know what to do, so would love to kindly get some advice please.
Myself and my partner have agreed some breathing space, so we can both meet new people (bit like an open relationship I suppose) and we have sat down and discussed it like adults and still have a very active sex life, so everything is good there.
However what deeply concerns me is…when it comes to meeting new people/strangers would you still give, or would you stay away from oral as I’m very concerned about STI’s and the risks involved, but at the same time I find this a very intimate/important act of foreplay and don’t want to make a fool of myself Infront of a new partner and effectively kill the mood.
So how would you approach this delicate matter please?
I spoke to a sexual advice service who have said the risks are very minimal and providing you use a condom when having sex, then I should be ok, but that’s not what I have been reading, so I feel it is kind of contradictory and therefore confusing me even
more.
Obviously, women like to impress their man, just as us men want to impress our girl too. We want to have fun and enjoy ourselves and to have hot, clean sex (as that’s what it’s all about) so how do I approach this delicate matter please for myself and whoever I meet? Obviously I don’t want an STD or to bring back one to my partner one either but at the same time I want it to be intimate and fun (like we all do) so do the risks out way the fun or vice versa?
Thanks for reading, your advice would be greatly appreciated and I’ll look forward to your replies.
If you’re playing with others then it’s important to do so safely. There is less risk with oral but not none. Some stds can be passed on even through condom use and there can be no symptoms on the other person.
Only you can decide what level of risk you’re happy with, what activities you participate in and who you play with.
It’s important to get tested regularly as soon as you start introducing others into your sex life. Most clinics are non judgemental and are well used to dealing with swingers and polygamous people. They’ll also give useful advice on additional protection such as hepatitis vaccinations.
That’s exactly it and precisely the problem. What woman enjoys sucking on latex and what man wants to give oral over a dam and lick a thin piece of plastic himself, but then saying that, does a woman or a man want semen or vaginal fluids all over their mouth and down their throat with a complete stranger? Hence my difficult question LOL
Ultimately, you have to decide your own risk profile. STIs can be passed by oral so barrier methods are advisable (condoms or dental dams depending on genitals). Regular testing is useful and something I would advise but don’t just rely on it (STIs have an incubation period for example). Knowing what is normal for your body is also really helpful.
Sex can be risky at the end of the day. You can do everything right and things still go wrong. Saying that, you can’t just magic up an STI.
Thing is, what is the worst case scenario if you get an STI? If you get regularly tested then it will get picked up and can be treated. It may be embarrassing but it’s rarely world ending.
That’s very true I suppose. I know HIV is the biggie we all worry about and apart from obviously herpes which is un-curable all the others are easily treated with a simple treatment of antibiotics arent they? So I suppose its not a death sentence and maybe worth the risk? Obviously I’d always use condoms for penetrative sex and I understand the risk of oral is much lower, so maybe it is worth the fun? At the end of the day I want to give a woman a nice time and I’m sure she does too and thats half the fun gone without it isnt it?
Not sure where you are based but would have thought any close contact with strangers at the moment would have issues that don’t involve STDs.
When we used condoms I switched to flavoured ones purely because I hated the smell of the standard ones on my hand after putting it on.
I believe lots of sex workers require a condom for oral so I suppose it depends on how comfortable you are with these strangers and their sexual habits.
I know this might sound really silly if someone I met was carrying an STI, but does a shower immediately before sex potentially eliminate or reduce the risk of bacteria or an STI or does it honestly not make a difference? Because if its there it there if you know what I mean?
Youre not understanding me, sorry I should have said…
When I say I’m planning to meet new people, we are both talking about the end of May/June when lockdown is lifted as we both have no intentions of meeting anybody at this moment in time, sorry for the confusion
When I have had a one night stand (unplanned but it happens) I have always had a full check up and tests at our local hospital. They’ve seen it all honestly.
But never for anything other than penetrative sex.
HIV has a very low transmission rate through oral coupled with changes to HIV treatments which can stop transmission, it is highly unlikely that you would get HIV through oral sex (obviously not impossible but still). If you are really worried about it, look into PrEP.
Herpes can technically be passed even if you do use condoms so the only way to avoid that one is to no have skin to skin contact.
Oral sex with a condom or dam isn’t automatically a worse experience. Flavoured condoms/dams or flavoured lube can help cover some of the taste. If you are with someone who is happy to give oral without using anything, then that’s up to them. Focus on the decision you need to make for your comfort.
As per @CurvyJilly I have never used a condom for oral sex when with a new partner. That is because I feel we are in a relationship and I can trust their behaviour.
Of course regular checks at a clinic if you have doubts will always be useful certainly if you and your partner plan to exchange bodily fluids without protection with people you have no knowledge of.
That’s the thing, in a relationship or if you are seeing someone then you like to think there’s an element of trust, but with a complete stranger you just don’t know their history, what they get up to and who with and I think thats what worries me, but again thankyou for the advice, I really appreciate it
And this is why some (note some) swingers view couples and singles differently. There is a perception that couples are often ‘safer’ because they, like you, are in a relationship and there is an arguement that they will take more precautions when playing with others to reduce risk to partners.
Obviously not always true.
There are many singles who are as responsible as long standing couples. There are many people (couples and singles) who are less concerned with safety. You’ll never know anyone’s history or what they’ve done before meeting you and who with. What people say and what they do are often completely different.
You are the only person responsible for your safety and only you can decide on limits, precautions and what you deem to be ‘safe’.
If you’re looking to interact with strangers there will always be an element of the unknown.
