Thank you so much. You and everyone else has helped so much.
I've been terrified just incase he would cheat on me. He's became very controlling within the last couple of months. Like his attitude towards me has changed. It seems to be just sex rather than expressing love. He also tries to accuse me of cheating or guys trying anything on me when I'm going out with friends for a few drinks.
I've been in a previous controlling relationship. Do you find this very controlling?
totally agree with fluffbags, but i think hes being very selfish, he wont only pleasure you with oral which tbh is the only way youre likely to orgasm for him. he has no right to stop you from using your toys or having an orgasm. i think he really needs to learn somethings about sex. if you dont want anal dont have anal, dont just try and keep him happy. i dont think he shows any sign of actually wanting to please you. he wants your orgasm to satisfy his own ego, it has nothing to do with you enjoying sex but his performance. perhaps introdue him to the forum, many people here would be happy to answer questions he has and to point him in the right direction for pleasing you.
ussually i maintain a selfless view of sex and relationships, me and the OH put eachother firth, that way were both satisfied. but i think you need to be a little selfish, sit him down and tell him what you need and whats not working and that porn isnt sex, its fantasy.
has he had any other sexual partners before you?
very very controlling! hes taken control of your orgasm which is a massive release of happy chemicals. you need to take a little control back. he seems very insecure and i think this may be due to porn, does he watch a lot? you need to sit him down and tell him all this, everything you need to change and how hes making you feel, he may see it as an attack and be deffensive but you need to get across to him that its not, youre just trying to help your relationship. ussually we'd say to write a letter, im getting the feeling he'd get a few lines down, see it as an attack and refuse to read it, but only you know him and can decide the best way to aproach him about it. but you need to get this across to him
Yes I do think he is being controlling. Apologies I did not read the part about the anal sex too. Plus the cheating accusations....The more you say, the more I am inclined to agree with Young and Fun. Obv we can only go on what you are saying, but he sounds terribly insecure and everything he is doing is done to sooth his own ego.
And his insecurity is not your problem. If you remember nothing else....remember that. You are not responsible for his actions or emotions, nor can you "fix" someone who does not think they need to be fixed. They need to do that themselves. You, as a grown woman, can eat when you want, go out with friends when you want and masturbate how and when you want.
Anyway, you should not be doing anything you don't want to and if that message isn't getting across, it's time to be direct "I said I am not and will never be interested in XYZ. Do not ask me again" Sex should be about two people, doing something mutually pleasing and pleasurable. Not one person getting everything they want, their way and the other not really feeling content, but doing it anyway, to please the other.
Good luck with your chat.
I don't understand it really. Me personally from a guys perspective.....
I do want my lady to orgasm yes, in her time and if its comfortable, admittedly maybe I try too hard after some very helpful advice from some people on here. But I do it for the wanting her to enjoy herself. We are going to look at some sex toys this weekend as she has expressed an interest in having one, and I will go out of my way to accompany her and help buy one as I I want her to have pleasure. It will be her first time she's felt comfortable enough to buy one and had the desire to get one.
Her having a sex toy is something we do together as a couple, that's what counts. We will use it in play time together, and if she wants to use it alone I'd encourage her. Its still our thing between us. Just because it's not my penis in her makes no difference too me, as long as she gets her pleasure. Isn't that the end goal? I still feel I create the environment and atmosphere for her to feel that way.
I also see it like she is comfortable enough to express what she would like with me, comfortable enough to ask me can we get one and doesn't feel restricted (and she shouldn't it's her beautiful body) I still see it as something we do as a couple that she may not get the opportunity to do with another guy so I feel good that I can create that environment and connection with to explore.
Thank you very much.
He isn't one to listen to my feelings but I'll give it a shot.
That's exactly what I thought Curiousme. I thought sex toys were for us to use together and find more out about one another. At the end of the day, I'll always prefer the real thing to a toy.
I know if I show him this thread, he'll most likely just have a go at me in some sort of way.
Going to see him for 3 days next week so I'll try to do everything I possibly can.
Fluffbags, is there any way I can message you about something? I could just post it on here but I'm not sure how everyone would react! It's quite a huge thing I haven't said to anyone.
Erm, sentence #2 of your last post says a lot... :(
There isn't a private messaging service on here, so not sure how easy it is to talk confidentialy
Fluffbags has a twitter. I'm sure it's on her profile.
You could message her there.
However I'm sure everyone on here would be helpful and not judge you whatever it is. X
Hrrrrm. I'll be honest, I kinda just scanned through the posts here, but unless it's been said already, am I the only one who thinks he's being monumentally childish?!
I know we've only had your perceptions to go on, Lauren95, but a loving relationship should be about sharing, give and take, without preconditions. His behaviour is inexcusable and imo, he faces a real chance of losing you if he doesn't loosen his grip and learn that he needs to give you what you need when you're together as well and for you to be free to feel pleasure when he's not there and when you want to.
I'm trying not to rant here, but he strikes me as either insecure, immature or simply not ready for a sharing relationship. I know you've said in another post elsewhere that he hates you using toys (which really, should be tough s***, tbh), but at that time, it wasn't that clear how acute his problem is - and it is HIS problem, no matter how he'd like to present it.
No matter what aspect or context it's in, love, sex and intimacy should be (again, imho, but I hope you guys agree) a sharing, bonding experience, to please one another, explore and discover all the infinitely possible ways that it can be achieved, whether it's manually, orally, or with toys, it should be an enjoyable experience for both; an experience that should bring you closer and to feel that you're the sole focus of their attention and affection. You obviously want him to share in your pleasurable experiences, but his 'manly pride' won't set aside his ego for a moment and realize that the joy is in giving you pleasure, no matter how it comes about. If he's willing to assist you with that, wonderful! But if he's not, it's certainly no right of his to dictate terms as to when, where, how and how often you try to achieve the release that, we'll, you must crave.
I'm sorry that I don't have anything really constructive to say - by the look of things, the voice of reason and experience have spoken already - but I just wanted to throw my tuppence worth into this thread, such as it is and voice my support and sympathy, if that's the right word, for the situation you find yourself in.
The best way to describe him as a person is Immature and Childish.
Going back to memories, I remember a one time where he was letting me have an orgasm and as we were getting positioned, he was getting stressed and uncomfortable. Eventually he just got mad and said to forget about it. Left both of us in a bad mood.
It is against the rules to put contact information on the forums. I can be reached through my website, but I am just one (unqualified) person with an opinion. It may be better to get a number of opinions from multiple people, if you can find a way to word it so that you feel comfortable doing so on here.
One thing I have learned from being here two years is that everyone here is incredibly supportive and open-minded. Just bear in mind that it is an open forum and things can't be deleted by yourself.
Hope that helps
*sighs* oh Lauren, that's just not what you should be going through at all. It's not a race to see who finishes first. If I were with my gf, I'd be getting a thrill from seeing her enjoy herself and that she feels safe, comfortable and confident enough with me to open herself up and share that vulnerability with me. That I'd want to share her experiences by trying to prolong her pleasure when or if she wanted, or let her take her time to enjoy the sensations.
tbh, I didn't quite feel that way in my early sexual experiences with my ex (my one and only sexual partner, so far), as I felt a little intimidated at first that she'd had more partners than me, even if it were only two more. But I did at least try to focus on her pleasure and encourage her to pleasure herself - in part, tbh, because I got off on it, but also because some of her past sexual experiences weren't great and that she had quite a poor self body-image, so I thought that taking the time to explore her own body and what stimulates and excites her would benefit us both, in the long run.
I did have a fair bit to learn and understand about my own sexuality, as well as hers, but at least what I lacked in knowledge, I made up for in humility, to acknowledge that I knew sod all, but with her, was willing to learn. I face a similar prospect with my new gf and I'm as anxious and as excited and as willing to learn all I can and show her all I know, as I was 18 years ago.
In my view, that's the first step for your beau; to acknowledge he doesn't know everything, to have that humility to say 'let's see what we can discover together' when you are together and to encourage you to explore yourself when you're apart, so you can guide him upon his return.
Really hoping you can both resolve this.
It does, thank you very much.
Thank you Magicnumber69, hopefully things will turn around.
But sticking to the topic of the subject, the advice you all have gave me has helped me so much and made me feel a whole lot better in myself. I never realised how many other women go through the same problem. :)