Orgasm issues - where do I start??

First off, I find it impossible to cum when I'm with a man, & in recent times I'm even finding it hard to cum while masturbating. Plus my orgasms are nowhere near as strong as they used to be. Before I'd make my toes curl to the point of crushing & I could spend many an hour satisfying myself over & over, now I'm lucky if I have 1 & they're just little o's. I have vibrators, a rabbit which I love but as I said my orgasms just aren't as strong as they used to be. My other vibrator, my most recent purchase, is specifically for the g-spot, something I have yet to find. The day I got it I spent nearly an hour & a half on the hunt, for want of a better phrase, but I only ended up sore. I even have a self help 'g-spot & multiple orgasm' video but all to no avail.

I became my most sexually adventurous with a recent parner & tried a variety of positions, even anal & we brought out the rabbit. Once or twice I got a little aroused but after that, nothing. I'm starting to get really frustrated with myself, thinking there has to be something wrong with me. Can anyone help??

First thing I'd ask is if you're on any new medications, or stressed at all? Both these things can inhibit your ability to orgasm, even getting stressed about orgasming can stop you orgasming, like a vicious circle! Loads of medications can have an effect on sex drive, I know that some I've been on have been like the equivalent of having a bucket of cold water chucked over me!
Second - you said you can't cum with a man. Do you mean through sex with a man, or just that you can't orgasm if someone else is there with you? If it's the first one then most women find it hard to orgasm through penetration alone and need other types of stimulation at the same time to get off.

Lastly - relax a bit. Maybe you're just going through a phase? It's supposed to be fun, and getting hung up on orgasms might be tensing you up. Try having a good think about what turns you on the most, let your imagination run free and indulge your wildest fantasies in your head. Maybe try to have a break from sex and masturbation for a while if possible while you work out what you want most from your experiences, then by the time you get back 'into the ring' you'll probably be gagging for it!

Hope this was of some help

Hi Private Lick!

Thanks for your comments. Your first point is about stress, I think I could be stuck in that vicious circle. I'm not on any medications & I do find I get hung up on not being able to finish, so to speak.
As for cumming with a man, it's not about the penetration. I find I can't concentrate on myself enough because I'm always worrying about him. Well maybe worry is too strong a word but my focus is never on me. I know this is all in my head & I need to learn to get around it, but I just don't know where to start! And believe me, I've tried. I left one poor sod go down on me for nearly an hour & I got nowhere. So that in turn gets me frustrated, back to the vicious cycle!.

I think your last point might be my best option. I did go without sex for a 2 year period, but of course that didn't include masturbation. I'm currently not seeing anyone so I think I'll abstain from fiddling & see where that gets me.

Ta!! :)

I think you should learn to be selfish, put yourself first! If you're not in the mood then you're not really going to enjoy yourself. Relax and be a 'Pillow Princess', let someone totally worship you and your bits and enjoy the attention! I have awful self-esteem problems so when I first started having sex I wanted to please my partner, but I've learned to chill out and enjoy the attention. Remember that you really deserve it.

How's the abstinence going? :D



hi angelicious, read your tale and private lick is right on the button excuse the pun, why not try taking a small dildo or vibrator to work with you 1 day and then on the sort of spur of a moment thing go to the toilet and try there, sometimes the risk of getting caught or not doing the right thing can make you more excited

its worth a try isnt it

Don't give up!
You're not on any medication, but it just might be worth a visit to your GP for a general health check. Then ...
You say you're single - are you going steady with a long-term bloke, or lurching between one-night stands? Because my guess is that most of this is anxiety and an inability to relax and enjoy yourself.
Talk it over with your bloke (trust me, I'm a man and he'll be flattered!) and maybe take the pressure off by agreeing to something less demanding for a few weeks. Just focus on kissing, lying close or gentle massage sessions, but avoid penetration so that neither of you have to 'perform'. You may find this helps.
If you're worried about him, well, there isn't a man yet born who won't respond to a nice oral sex session, or buy him some sex toys - and help him play with them!
Good luck

This is quite natural. I used to be the same-now i barely get orgasms twice a week. A week! I could get 14 in 2 hours (viva la puberty!). But it's normal - i'm working whole day, at the end of the day i'm sooo tired sometimes, that i cannot think about sex at all.I just hit the shower and - bam! in bed! Stress is a big thing-don't underestimate it!When i was single i was even more inactive. Also by depression i cannot think about sex.

I think u should give urself a rest 4 a while. Sex is like your favourite meal-if u take too much of it, u start hating it :-) Well, it's hard to hate sex but it's not that interesting any more.And using vibrators for too long can make your kit-kat ;-) insensitive for a while (this has been scientifically proven, u're not the only one-i know at least 30 people with such problem after long usage of vibrators)- i think u should stop with the toys 4 a while.There's nothing better than the real thing ;-) But seriously, this might damage your "sex-area", it's not a joke-it's a sensitive plce and the sex-toys are not as sensitive as skin...Mayb u have a temporal alergy to the material your sex-toys r made of-check that by ur doc immeidately!

MAybe because you're hetting stressed its stopping you getting the big o if you try to relax and not focus on having an orgasm it may help.

Hang on in there, have a bit of fun, relax and excuse the pun " enjoy the ride". The idea of taking a vibe to work may add to your excitement, try not to focus too much on it, when the time is right, relax and enjoy it....

Relax - a lot! maybe have a week off masturbation, followed by a week of sex but a week of masturbation.. if that makes sense... remember what it feels like to relax and come by yourself.. THEN when you go back to having sex.. maybe masturbate in front of your guy to relax you? Then start to get him involved bit by bit.

But "relax" was the most important advice...

It gives you loads of ways to tackle stress. Look at your diet, exercise and general well-being. All of these stimulations will promote the release of endorphins within your body and have a knock on effect of enhancing your sexual sensation. Try to clear your mind and stessors and the rest will come easy :) If you go into a local health shop you can also pick up herbal remedies, foods and essential oils to enhance sexual pleasure and ease stress

I have this problem sometimes too and get all wound up then it gets worse. I am trying now to relax and concentrate on the sensations and not on trying so hard to fantasise that i get there like that.

Not sure but does anyone else find that too much fantasising can make cumming more difficult to do, like you concentrate so hard you arent thinking enough about how nice it feels or enjoying it enough?????

I tried one time on my own to not fantasise and wean myself off it and only think about the sensation and how it felt until i came, although i think i might have let the odd thought in at the last minute lol ;) but it felt easier and less desperate a race if that makes sense. Then i tried it during sex and was surprised by the quick orgasm.

Having said all this i am back fantasising and having trouble relaxing again so am back on my own advice trying the sensation thing. Is actually really hard to do as your mind keeps wondering but with practise last time i had really good results and am hoping to again if i can get back on track.

Not sure if that made any sense really difficult to explain. I think the whole concentrating on sensations and the 'moment' is abit on the tantric path but most people are in the habit of fantasing as they always have done, am trying so hard to stop lol xx it is very addictive though :)

I kind of have to do the opposite to you, Frustrated!

I find I try too hard, and by fantasising (even if it's just thinking exactly what is happening but in a story type way) then I can switch off and relax better.

Funny how people relax in different ways isn't it!


Yeh, when i am alone the fantasy works best, but i find it hard and get distracted from it whilst actualy having sex.

Like i have maybe worn the thoughts out and they are not having the same 'hit' they did lol xx

If you need to be selfish, adopt a submissive manslave. There are thousands of subs out there without a mistress just begging to be used. Hell, you could probably charge money...