After some conversation with Mrs. Val, I think I have figured out one of her subconscious issues with PIV sex and her lack of interest in Anal sex all together.
After talking about sex the other night and what we like and don’t like, she mentioned that she gets sore quickly during PIV sex. I asked a few more questions and I think it may come down to my size and inconsistent sexual sessions.
I know there have been talks on here about contracting vaginal openings without habitual sex session, penis size, lube type, etc. But I am starting to think that if she gets sore from PIV there is no way her mind would want me in her back side!
Perhaps I need to focus on foreplay longer to get her wetter? Maybe switch up lubes (currently we use a hybrid or full silicone lube to minimize friction), add additional foreplay to the experience? She tends to want me in her quite quickly when we are in the act. We also tend to both shower or bath right before sex but maybe that is drying her out? I’m not long (6.5") but I do have some decent girth (measuring 6.5" around using a tape measure - circumference if you will) when fully erect and am cut so there is no additional skin to absorb or shift back and forth.
Happy to get some feedback on how to make her wetter or if there is a “pre-sex” lube that works to get the “juices” flowing down there quicker? Something that is a bit of a “plumper” to encourage blood flow or internal moisture that can be applied in foreplay that stimulates moisture production, similar to male pre-cum? Some typical water-based or silicone lubes make her itchy but I found one that is an organic blend. Perhaps injecting some with a syringe?
Happy to hear thoughts on starting wet and staying there…
Lube will help with friction, but not discomfort from stretching if girth is the issue. Has she described the type of soreness? Like is it internal and could be from friction, internal and could be from your head pounding into her cervix, internal/external stretching, or external bruising/friction on labia? The other question is how long have y’all been together (I’m sure you’ve referenced before), and how old is she? Is this a new problem, or has it been an issue for a while/always?
You said your wife tends to want you in quickly, but is she open to receiving oral or using a toy before you enter, even if it’s not all the way to orgasm? Arousal not only helps with natural lubricant, but I believe also the the increased bloodflow increases elasticity as the vagina engorges and the cervix draws back, too - which would help with length issues as well as girth. Most of the issues, possibly. If oral is a go, then maybe pairing with some dildos as she becomes more aroused to help prepare for your entry?
I’ve seen ads as well for ointments/oils/lubes that have CBD in them that are supposed to increase bloodflow to the vulva before sex, but have no experience with whether they are effective.
Sorry, that sounds like a tough spot. It does sound like more frequency could help with her ongoing comfort, but a 6.5" girth is not small at all and could require regular prep and an extended increase in frequency before you can abandon prep altogether.
Great points and questions…been together 24 years and into everything except anal as described. I do think she is coming into menopause which is messing with stuff for sure - less sex drive, more moody, more tired and more worried about the kids than “us”. Then the next moment she complains that we never spend any time together… Menopause is a confusing time for me that’s for sure.
Should be called “Men on Pause”…sad but true
When we were younger the cream that would be omitted from her was intense…but I think things have dried up a little. I also think that she tends to have sex more because I want it than she does, so when we start a session it’s not like she prepared for it and gets thinking about it, but instead is a spur of the moment thing which doesn’t help moisture content. My pre-cum flows like someone turns on a tap so I think I tend to lube us both.
I do tend to ease into the PIV and only move to a deep thrust when she repositions herself to take all of me. I tend to enter her from me laying on my side and her on her back so that I’m not over-thrusting - but there really isn’t much I can do about the width… . We are both into oral but she tends to complain it is too intense for her and only lets me play down there for a few minutes…
We aren’t into CBD as I was on the oil for sleep and had a poor experience which has turned her off of it. I was looking at some syringes and some vaginal gels that tend to moisturize internally but there are a million products and nothing that I would run out and buy to start putting inside her. I think that it needs to be her choice and role, but I think more of it comes from the mind not the vagina.
There has been alot of chatter about dick size and it seems I’m not out of the normal range…the average water bottle or pop can is 8.5" around which seems monstrous even though it is only 2.5" in diameter. We have been experimenting with different lubes so I will attempt to keep looking for something that doesn’t dry her out, thus we choose a silicone instead of water based and tend to not used toys for that reason. I never thought of my size as being problematic and that most women who are “experienced” would want a thicker shaft, but it is seeming to come with it’s own issues.
It isn’t actually a lubricant (although some use it as one) but a gel that she would apply internally every few days and it helps keep the vagina more lubricated.
Otherwise, you need to work on seducing her. If she is having sex because you want it, rather than her wanting it in that moment, coupled with the menopause, it may be that she just isn’t turned on enough. But, I don’t think more outercourse before penetration is the answer. I think she needs more mental stimulation before you get that far.
Alternatively, stop and reapply lube at appropriate intervals
it is all about the lube not your size (sorry mate), after all she has accommodated you for many years and the vagina is a very stretchy being.
I have noted others have mentioned silicon lube hangs around longer.
Worth her really thinking about what is sore… pelvic floor changes with age, sex can be more uncomfortable if there is any prolapse, constipation, old scar tissue (even 17 years later I still have a niggly spot from a birth tear that if we have sex at a certain angle gets sore). Is she up to date with smear test and does she have any symptoms of ovarian cancer?
We don’t have PIV very often now (male chastity lifestyle choice) but post menopause we have always used lubricant to make PIV comfortable for my wife and we still do on those occasions when she allows it.
It goes without saying that we have always used specific anal lubricants for any anal insertions including anal sex (in both directions) as the anus is not self lubricating at all.
Thanks @Calie , @steviefun and @GoGirl12 . Mrs. Val is a busy woman and unlike me, sex is usually the furthest thing on her mind dealing with 2 teens and 2 jobs plus a house on a farm.
But I was looking at that very product on another site and thought it would be perfect. Definitely not my place to start inserting gels into her but we will have a chat the next time she brings it up.
And I will ask more questions and suggest that she talk to someone as you all are right, I’m not a horse so it shouldn’t get sore because of me! I have started to slow down the start of sex with massage and teasing… you think you know what you are doing but then we all change and we need to adapt.
Sounds like your doing all the right things and got the best sort of lube going… I’d maybe say perhaps the before washing might be what’s causing her to be very dry down there if she’s fully washing out everything and that yes inserting some lube before going in might just help wet things up a bit more for her
I avoid piv as I don’t get much out of it and I find when my husband does use my vag - he does not last long
Personally use other parts of your body for sex - use more oral and pleasure her more with your tongue and use toys in her - if you insist on piv then use lube as while being a big boy is good to look at - it can be painful if your partner is not totally soaked and even then can be painful and a turn off - she will not orgasm if your manhood hurts her
Thanks @batjamboree . As mentioned I don’t think I have reduced in size over the years so she is likely used to it. Just wondering if menopause has contributed.
I will focus on the tempting and the seducing. She’s the one who wants to hurry things along with me entering her. I am happy to play and make her wetter. I guess I need to do a closer inspection with other items of my anatomy before making my way inside.
Could she try using kegal balls during the evening to warm things up a little? Also, I would try different positions (allow her on top so she can control depth position etc).
. We are both into oral but she tends to complain it is too intense for her and only lets me play down there for a few minutes…
