My partner and I have a great sex life (i think) and in the last few years since we have used sex toys I am able to orgasm every time we get down to business. Before we discovered sex toys, our sex was still amazing - only thing is for me I always came close to the edge but never reached an orgasm. However he was able to make me cum with his fingers and oral.
Since we have been using sex toys, I finally understand what it means to have an orgasm. My partner loves making me orgasm with the toys.
The other day we were having a conversation and thats when he told me that he does like using sex toys on me - however he feels a bit sad that he’s not able to make me cum as much with just his fingers or oral alone &, he believes that the sex toys have desensitised me to the ‘less’ strong methods.
Has anyone experienced anything similar and do you think that the sex toys can desensitise someone? I don’t really know what to do…if he really feels this way i feel like i want to lay off the toys for a while but at the same time I’m not able to orgasm without them…
While technically possible, there could be other things going on.
So, are you able to cum alone without using any toys? If so, that would suggest no change to your sensitivity.
Have you tried using things like lubricants with heating or cooling effects to increase your sensitivity and give him a head start?
There are also things such as pumps etc that do the same thing.
Aside from physical symptoms, maybe try exploring any mental or emotional changes? Has anything changed in how you see him? Or have your desires changed?
Sorry to throw so much information at you but hopefully something there resonates with you
Yes I am able to come along without toys but it just takes a significantly longer time - like he would have to work for 40minutrs on me before seeing a result.
Oh ive never used lubricants with heating or cooling effects! That’s a great idea I think I will look into those I’m curious to see if it’ll make a difference.
There arent any emotional changes - I love him more and more each day both my partner and I have long journeys back home from work ao maybe that’s also a contributing factor - we get tired more easily and I guess theres not as much time on weekdays as there is on weekends for sex.
Great, loads of useful information there. So if you have the same experience alone as with him, why does he feel that sensitivity is an issue? Everyone is different and people tend to compare performance to other experiences such as other partners or porn but everyone is different and so have to realise and embrace those differences.
Sex in the week is difficult by the time we do our job, maintain our home and have some relaxation time. But sex is meant to be fun and relaxing. If you’re doing it out of routine then that will form a bad habit (if that makes sense because it becomes a routine rather than a desire).
Maybe take some time on a weekend morning with no other agenda, lock the doors, turn off your phones and just explore each other without expectation and see where you go
Do you follow the same basic routine (kissing, hand play, oral, toys then full sex)? Its an easy trap to fall into and can make cumming at a certain point part of the routine if so then try mixing it up a bit so you are suprised and excited about what is coming next.
You could also use toys while during oral or try a blind fold to increase the suspense variaty can make a big difference.
A few thoughts here. First - our bodies do change, and our kinks and interests, so something that worked well for you in the past may not do it for you now. Second - I have heard of people feeling like they have reduced sensitivity after using toys but just if they were going incredibly hard with them, like hitachi on to the max multiple days a week. I don’t think that’s something you have to worry about, unless you do go for that super intensity constantly then sure maybe it could reduce your sensitivity over time. What it sounds like to me is that you’ve just figured out what works well for your body and that’s toys - they help you reach orgasm quickly. There’s nothing wrong with that, sounds like you two have fun together It’s not like you can’t cum without them, it just takes a lot longer. Enjoy!
It has been said strong toys can inevitably desensitise feeling in parts of the body and think studies have been carried out too… luckily it’s not permanent damage from what I gather and just by gradually toning down the level of vibrations on your toys will start to regain some of the senses again.
Over the {very long) time we have been together my wife’s reaction to oral sex has fluctuated widely.
In our younger days she could orgasm easily through oral. After the menopause that disappeared completely though she could orgasm easily with any type of toy. Gradually her oral orgasms returned but not with any degree of reliability. Nowadays it depends entirely on her mindset. Sometimes she orgasms quickly with oral alone, on other occasions she gets close with oral but needs finishing off with a toy and sometimes oral does nothing for her at all.
She uses toys daily and I don’t think they have any desensitising effect at all on her. It’s more down to her state of mind at the time.
Hey! Sorry for the late reply!
Since our last convo we have tried to switch it up a bit and be a bit more spontaneous rather than trying to fit it in on long workdays and it has made such a difference! I have tried to to also not rely on the dex toys during every session and switch it up a bit too in that aspect
Thanks yes you’re so right! Switching it up a bit instead of following the same routine has worked so not the same is expected every time this past month has definitely made him feel better too
Thanks yh i feel like over the years my body just knows what it wants and what the easiest ways to cum are as well. Sometimes I think im addicted to toys haha.
Yh i have been trying to change things up and switch up between the toys i use and also switch to days where i dont use toys at all. So far i cant tell a difference in sensisitt so time will tell with the experiment
I think thats quite right about the mindset - sometimes its difficult to just switch off from the day - i think i just need to stop overthinking and go witb the flow thank you!
Interesting thread.
My OH used to come really easily, and many many times, with PIV or fingers … but that changed as she got older.
She rarely cums without toys now, but the focus of our sessions is more about the sensation and connection of the sex (we like that Tantra kind of vibe )
We go pretty slowly and I often ask her not to cum, take a breather, and then carry on - I find this so exhilarating. She just channels pleasure, when she’s in the right mood.
I’m usually pretty involved with the toys - and I find them very exciting - so it’s not a problem for us. We just play around in lots of ways.
I don’t know if the toys have desensitized her - or age - or just familiarity. We have a great time tho, and the biggest sex organ is still between the ears.
Occasionally we will have a lot of foreplay - just flirting in the day or something - and when she gets really turned on, she will end up having an O, with minimal sexual contact.
The mind is a powerful thing
Hope you guys are enjoying your exploration!
I think I will look into those I’m curious to see if it’ll make a difference.
both my partner and I have long journeys back home from work ao maybe that’s also a contributing factor - we get tired more easily and I guess theres not as much time on weekdays as there is on weekends for sex.
It’s not like you can’t cum without them, it just takes a lot longer. Enjoy!
yh i feel like over the years my body just knows what it wants and what the easiest ways to cum are as well. Sometimes I think im addicted to toys haha.
