I hope this is ok to start up to understand and share experiences on how hormones and midlife can effect us personally and our relationships. I think it is a powerful platform to support each other cause this has been a life changer for me from when I sent my 1st post!!!
After my first child, I had a really difficult recovery. The way I was stitched left me in pain for a long time. It affected how I felt in my body. It affected intimacy. It affected my confidence. And I carried that quietly.
Fast forward to perimenopause.
My libido dropped through the floor. My membranes were painfully dry. Everything felt fragile. I didn’t feel like myself — physically or emotionally. It wasn’t just about sex. It was about identity, connection, confidence, comfort in my own skin.
I started HRT. It worked. Then life got busy, I forgot to restart it properly… and everything fell apart again. The dryness. The low mood. The zero libido. It hit me how much hormones were actually doing.
Now I’m back on it. Dose adjusted. The right fit for me.
And wow.
My libido is absolutely flying. My husband and I are having the best sex we’ve ever had. We’re using lube (game changer). I feel comfortable in my body again. I feel happy. Connected. Alive.
I’m sharing this because:
Dryness is common.
Low libido is common.
Pain after childbirth can linger for years.
Hormones matter.
Adjusting dosage matters.
Lube is not a failure — it’s a tool.
You are not broken.
I would hope this thread is a space is for anyone navigating or has a partner in perimenopause or menopause — to share tips, experiences, what worked, what didn’t, what helped, what surprised you.
There is hope.
There are solutions.
And intimacy can get better — even better than before.
If you feel comfortable, share what’s helped you.
Let’s support each other
HRT is not always suitable for a lot of women, i was one that made the choice not to take them because of the risks from hormone sensitive cancers and family history with such cancers linked to hrt, my sister being one who had taken hrt at the start of menopause. She developed breast cancers in both breasts about two years later and died three years after diagnosis at the age of 50. Women need to make informed choices before going down the hrt route. If you do go down this route make sure you attend the breast screening when you are invited to attend and check breasts every month. Unfortunately for my sister she was too young to be called for screening and found the lumps herself but sadly it was too late for her even with chemo and radiotherapy.
Glad to hear your back in the game again so to speak.glad your both enjoying yourselves more than ever .one thing you said really hit a chord with us that your using lube.its a must for us in everything sexual for us and is a real game changer .wonder why we never used it more in the past,there are so many out there to choose from but soon as you find one that you like it’s an essential part of playtime.not only from a comfort point of view but also a visual aspect like watching one of us apply it to various places or toys.very sexy.as said before glad to hear your flying again
What a great post @Sunshine3 and @Wood-Nymph . My wife is just like you Wood - Nymph and would not have HRT due to cancer scares. So sorry about your sister, cancer is so awful and effects so many people.
The last six months of her life were awful, nearly thirteen years ago now and i can still see her sitting in her hospital bed after being told it was terminal crying her eyes out.
I feel so much better the older I get (other than the aches and pains) mentally, sexually. I feel like I am probably entering peri menopause and I am scared that my newly found sexiness and sex drive will eventually dry up. For once I am actually hornier than my husband and he loves it. I don’t want to give it up. I hope if HRT becomes an option for me that it helps. Is it a lot different from taking hormonal birth control?
I’m so sorry to hear this. That’s incredibly difficult for you all and your sister.
Your absolutely right and that post is by no means a promotion of HRT and thanks for pointing out that its essential people are fully informed and speak with their doctor. It worked for me but not my sister.
I just think its Important we call it cause it had a big impact on my ability and motivation to have a sexually active relationship as i am sure others experienced too. There are many other ways to manage it but the first step is to know it is a real thing and we can support eachother and get back enjoying sex
When I met my wife, she had just had a hysterectomy, and was going through all the gyrations of hormone changes that is part of that process. It was a challenging experience for us both, with the mood changes, hot flashes and everything else. After several years of tweaking her HRT she finally got stable and our sex life was tremendous. Now, we are going through another difficult patch. She is off HRT, and has other medical issues that has dynamited her libido. It is tough to go from a fairly good sex life to nearly nothing….overnight. Not just for us as a couple, but for her individually.
As a male, I never understood the effects of hormones had on a woman, and the crazy swings that they must deal with. My heart goes out to those females, all of you, who are at the mercy of menopause and those challenges. And for what it matters, so much of current ideas regarding menopause and HRT are using dated research, and often conducted by males, who have not actual clue about how it feels to be a woman.
