I used to be a pretty active member of the forums, but these days I just have a read and keep in the background as my sex life with Mr L is pretty good these days, I don't tend to ask much on here.
Anyway, last night we had incredible sex. Mostly a lot of foreplay followed by PIV. We explore a lot, into anal, nothing is really off limits and we try most things.
Last year we tried pegging, he really wasn't into it and so I made a point of staying away from that area. No more fingers with blow jobs ect.. you get my drift.
Last night whilst giving him a blow job, he moved his leg up (so his bum was on show). I instantly got inside my own head wondering did he want me to touch him there ect by the time I had thought a hundred scenarios I had talked myself out of it. Afterwards, I mentioned it to him as we always communicate and he said in that moment he would have been up for it and in the moment he always enjoys it but afterwards if I ever touch him there he feels dirty and less masculine. This literally broke my heart. I never want him to feel this way so reassured him like crazy. We both agreed next time we would try and use a bit of foreplay around that area as we both do enjoy it and he needs to get over the feeling of it being 'gay'. I think the pegging part is off the cards.
I guess I just want to hear other peoples perspectives. I would love to show him comments on here of other people who enjoy this and don't feel the social pressures of men having to be gay to enjoy this type of play!
For me it isn't a case of feeling emasculated but a I have a terrible fear of it being dirty. I don't mind a cheeky finger, I wouldn't ask for it but if my wife gets naughty she will pop one in.
There are times were this will ruin the mood for me completely because I then worry. I have to make sure I am really clean before we have sex (bath no more than an hour before hand and no trumping after a bath due to particles that escape when a trump is freed).
The lifting the leg is a clear indication that it's a go for her. If she has a little touch and my ass stays clenched then it's not the time lol.
Social pressure certainly has a big affect on men enjoying P spot stimulation, it's hard to ignore all the old play ground "banter" of "you like it up the bum" the thing is those that don't try may be missing out on a completely different type of orgasm.
Pegging isn't for me personally but I see it as more of a domme/sub situation more than being emasculating.
Hi Mrs L, I am a straight male & to be honest until recently, I also thought you had to be gay to enjoy anal play, but seeing other people’s posts and looking online, it looks and sounds fun to try. I haven’t experienced anal play myself, but one day hope to try some of it, best wishes x 🤞
I can see two possibly problematic parts in this: him feeling emasculated and him feeling dirty.
I'll start with the second one, assuming he literally feels dirty. When it comes to anal play, there's always some chance (risk) that poop will make a ''guest appearance''. He can have an enema beforehand, which would help a bit. Either way, put condoms on any toys used, consider wearing gloves (for fingering) or using dental dams (for rimming) and keep paper towels at hand. I am not into scat (poop play), but I am well aware of the human anatomy an how our bodies work. If there's a little poop, I just wipe it off.
When it comes to feeling emasculated, sadly it's the kind of society we live in that is to blame. Chances are he was brought up thinking that only homosexual men enjoy anal stimulation (of any kind). If he (a straight man) enjoys it, this ''means he's gay''. This kind of homophobic thinking is rooted deep inside many of us and isn't helpful in any way. It would be nice if the two of you could openly talk about it, so you can set him free of any shame and self-hatred he might be experiencing.
As always, communication is key. Talk about your fantasies, communicate during sex/ play, and exchange feedback after each session/ contact. I hope you'll find a way to enjoy this amazing eperience! =)
K&c30's: Yeah I think this is such a valid point, and believe it or not this is the same for me if he is to ever go down on me. I am constantly worried about whether the wee I had moments before has left a trace of toilet roll behind, so I always try and shower before - takes the spontaneity out of it though.
Knight1119: Good to see you old friend! Yes thats it, he never really experimented before me. He joined the military young and did back to back tours of Afghanistan and he said its not the easiest place to meet girsl We literally got together via online dating when he was out there so were kinda just figuring it out together and have been since our late teens!
Smultron: With regards to the feeling dirty, he explained it in a sense of, it being wrong as apposed to poop! But yes, you are completely valid in everything you have said. It is such a shame that it is stereotyped in such a way!!
We have tried pegging in the past (must do it again sometime!) but I have never cum just from that stimulation - if fact I don't get hard whilst I am being pegged. Loved it though!
On the other hand (as it were), I love it when Mrs300 fondles my perineum and / or (preferably both!) touches my anus when she is playing with me or when I am inside my Fleshlight. Such a lovely feeling! If she wanted to slip a toy inside me so much the better.
Do I feel 'gay' about this? No - I love to see a nice hard cock inside a woman (in erotica - we are not into swinging etc but wouldn't dream of judging others) but that still doesn't make me feel 'gay': I'm very comfortable with my sexuality - if others think that this makes me a bit 'gay' I really couldn't care less. Their problem.
Could it be a little bit 'dirty'? Maybe, but I still don't care - if you are that close to someone bodily fluids etc are a normal part of lovemaking.
What is the problem with being gay anyway? Love is love: we know gay couples (if that is the right phrase these days...) and they are lovely! Gay friends are pretty unlikely to try to 'convert' you - and if they did they'd have no luck with us. We've been married for nearly twenty-one years and have no desire to experiment with others - again, if that's your thing then hey, up to you!
Enjoy your sexuality: if anyone judges you, then they have the problem not you!
We have only recently got into anal play, plugs, anal sex and pegging and, to be honest, I'm so annoyed that we have missed out on this for so long (we've been married 43 years).
We both find that our orgasm's are enhanced when we're wearing vibrating butt plugs.
My wife was initially cagey about anal sex but once she gets into it she thorougly enjoys it and has intense orgasms.
I really love being pegged. We use a 'strapless strap-on' dildo so she gets stimulation.too.
I do any cleaning up required (although with plenty of water based lube there is usually very little to clean up) and I do not feel any less masculine whilst being pegged by my wife.
Mrs L, thanks, that’s great, I’m really pleased for you both. One of my mates was in the first Gulf War, and he said it was really hard to meet ladies. I wish you all the very best with your experimenting, have a lovely time x
I work in a trades business with mostly blokes. There is always the discussion at beer o'clock about "does that make you gay" type scenarios (particularly aimed at one of our young apprentices, poor thing). Needless to say, I keep my personal life activities squarely to myself.
I think the whole emasculated thing is very audience dependent. Mrs Sen and I indulge in anal play on me, be it a butt plug, dildo during oral, or pegging. She doesn't judge or think me less of a man because I enjoy it, its simply another sex act between us (she did comment when I bought a few dildos, incl a rather large 6inch diamater one about my obsession).
I guess I consider anal play to be "dirty", not from the poop perspective (I do try and be clean but it has happened with a bit of poop appearing on a toy) but from a psychological perspective, but that to me is actually part of the appeal. Indulging in something non-traditional but equally as loving as other forms of sex and allowing myself to simply let go of preconceptions about the activity and just enjoy the moment.
I am a huge fan of anal play... both giving and receiving. I always have the fear of being ‘dirty’ but my OH always just reassures me that he’s fully aware of the consequences... I mean it does go with the territory. It doesn’t bother me if I come across more than I expected... so why would it bother him. There’s always a risk involved, no matter how well you think you’ve cleaned up. For me, if there happens to be a surprise waiting for him after, I prefer he doesn’t tell me. He always says it’s clean, but I’m sure he’s fibbed once or twice to save my dignity haha... which is really sweet. I am also a huge fan of pegging. My OH loves it and he is very comfortable with his sexuality so it’s never bothered him, but I’m sure it’s not something he’d shout about to the world. I definitely don’t... and it’s not because I’m embarrassed, it’s because not everyone understands it and I can’t be arsed with judgement from others who can’t see passed it being ‘gay’. What happens in the bedroom between 2 people who love and trust each other is their business and it is for no one else to judge... each to their own! I think like someone else has said, men are raised thinking it’s wrong and have banter that’s led to there being an unnecessary stigma about it. Gay people give blow jobs too so is it gay if you give your man a blow job? Is it gay to enjoy having your dick sucked? No of course it isn’t, so my view is... what’s the difference? The P-Spot is there to be explored, so explore it. You only live once! I think it’s lovely that you care enough to try and make him feel as comfortable as possible about the situation. It sounds like he has the perfect woman to explore and push these boundaries with. I really hope he starts to feel more comfortable because it’s such fun and I’d be gutted if my OH decided I couldn’t play in his dirt box anymore haha. There’s just something so naughty about it that drives my deviant side wild.
Oh MrsL, that is heartbreaking. Societal pressures again making someone feel bad about doing something they clearly like. I'd like to look at the one sentence in particular. "afterwards if I ever touch him there he feels dirty and less masculine"
Let's start with the "less masculine". It's just an area of stimulus, and an area that gay men have found works for them, but him liking that stimulus is no different from him liking a pinwheel running down his cock. A friend of mine went out with a builder once. Hard as mails this geezer (the language tells you the type), and yet at least twice a week, he wanted to be done with a strap-on. You can't get much more masculine than him.
As for the "feeling dirty" thing, I think it is a matter of perspective. I've come to realise that if my husband makes me feel dirty, then that's a good thing. Why is feeling dirty wrong? If he can get his head around embracing dirty as a good thing, whole new experiences await. I hope he finds a way :-)
I think since you both communicate well maybe tell him that between you and him there is nothing off limits and no judgement. If he likes it there's nothing wrong with it.