I'm into flagellation, necrophilia and bestiality, the question is, am I a pervert or am I just flogging a dead horse??

I spent some time into sadism, but it just got bloody boring; whereas I found incest only relatively boring.

But believe me - buggery is fucking crap!!

Alright, alright, I'll go away. I can't sleep because Mrs.Naughty is snoring so loudly and keeps shouting out "shag me Claude, shag me!" in her sleep whilst kicking me in the leg in what I believe to be 4/4 time. the thing that worries me is the only Claude I know is the bloke who does the drains for the council, and he has halitosis and a wonky eye that never quite looks at you; come to think of it, we do seem to have a lot of bottles of Draino under the sink at the moment. Hmmm.

Now I have third degree burns on the inside of my mouth from snorting hot coffee up my nose.

It was totally worth it, though.