Agree with all the above. I usually update my reviews for products I've bought pretty quickly and talk about all areas of the product. I'm always completely honest with mine. A lot of my reviews are positive, but some products weren't for me but I haven't slated them as the product overall was good, it just didn't suit me.
Gruff sounds - I couldn't see you had any public wishlists? You have to keep your 'sex toy testers' wishlist up to date with the products that are in the sex toy tester section and not with products that you 'want' or 'need'. I got caught out with this for a while!
Just keep submitting reviews and hopefully you'll get lucky one day :)