My partner and I are strongly into bdsm, with me being the submissive, which means that sometimes when he wants sex and I don't feel like it, I get pinned down and he takes it anyway.
Now, I love this due to the lack of control I experience but there have been times when I really don't want it and if I firmly say no and he knows I mean it/I safeword then it all stops.
It is only fun/acceptable so long as firm rules are in place and agreed beforehand so both parties are protected.
I try really hard not to judge about these things and I don't like to use the word "normal" when talking about sex, especially anything outisde of vanilla sex.
For example, I like being spanked, having my hair pulled during sex, etc. This does not mean for a second that I would want to be domestically abused by a partner. I would completely understand why some people who had experienced or witnessed violence would be repulsed at the idea of hitting/hurting as part of sexual pleasure. But I do like it, and as long as it's Safe, Sane and Consensual, I refuse to be ashamed about enjoying it or asking a partner to do it.
Because of this, I can see that it can be similar for people who have rape fantasies vs survivors of rape or sexual abuse. Clearly this kind of sex is not for everyone. The question is - is it for you? Is this the right person to explore this with? Is it the right time?
Be careful and do whatever is best for you. Always.
popk1n wrote:
Do you actually like ie fancy this guy? Maybe you should just leave him alone altogether. Have you said that it was an inappropriate comment to him? Maybe he thought you'd find it hot or something idk?
I totally fancy him and right from out first meeting he turned me on SO much!! But he just seems so full on...sex, sex, sex...and I really want more than that.
Still, I told him this and that I thought it was a bit inappropriate this early on and I've not heard anything back in hours so...😕
Oh well I suppose you just wait :) if he doesnt get back to you, you know all he wanted was a f*ck buddy to take part in his fantasy. If he gets back and says sorry, he'll tone it down, then yay :D either way, hopefully you've given him something to reflect on and learn from i.e. don;t come on too strong too soon!
If he's mature and respectful about it - about you and your feelings - he'll be fine with your answer and you can both continue to explore and develop your relationship. If he's not... well then he's clearly not someone who you can trust with such boundaries anyway and will have dodged a bullet.
Caliente hit the nail; as long as it's Safe, Sane and Consensual for all parties involved, anything goes.