A guy I really like just asked me if I was in to "play rape". Not really sure what to say to that. Does he mean like role playing that he rapes me? Is this normal?!
I think it quite a common fantasy. It's doesn't actually mean rape though, please make sure you have safe words in place if you intend to do it.
Hmm. Sounds to me like a role play thing. I wouldn't say it's 'normal' but rape fantasies are some of the most common so I wouldn't worry about it. Just don't do anything you don't feel comfortable with. Xx
Firstly, my deepest sympathy to anybody who has been a victim of rape, it must be a truely horrendous thing to go through.
Secondly, I find anyone who has fantasies about raping someone else, even as play, deeply disurbing.
Thirdly, I have heard of people having fantasies about been raped and kidnapped. I once saw a tv programme, were couples hired a company to kidnap one partner, and them take them to the other partner in a mystery location, so they could then play out the rape fantasy. This is defo not my thing.
If anyone is going to play this out, it needs to be well managed, with strong rules, and safewords.
Be carefull.
j&lxxxx wrote:
Firstly, my deepest sympathy to anybody who has been a victim of rape, it must be a truely horrendous thing to go through.
Secondly, I find anyone who has fantasies about raping someone else, even as play, deeply disurbing.
Thirdly, I have heard of people having fantasies about been raped and kidnapped. I once saw a tv programme, were couples hired a company to kidnap one partner, and them take them to the other partner in a mystery location, so they could then play out the rape fantasy. This is defo not my thing.
If anyone is going to play this out, it needs to be well managed, with strong rules, and safewords.
Be carefull.
Agree with all of this advice here, play it safe!
I think 'rape' fantasy is a common thing, and I personally also think it's a perfectly normal, not-disturbing, fantasy to have.
It's the sort of thing that it's really easy to be judgemental about because it sounds bad, but in reality it's all consenting and about mutual pleasure, so I don't see why it should be seen as different from, say, BDSM which also totally hinges on both parties wanting to be treated in a way that usually people wouldn't desire.
It's something that I've played out in the past and a fantasy that I enjoy. I don't really see why it's different from BDSM except that in my experience it's more about roleplay and a D/s relationship than restraints or impact play or whatever, so actually I prefer it to other BDSM activities.
But yeah, if you're not into the idea of it be honest about it, but I definitely wouldn't see it as abnormal or necessarily a negative reflection of the personality of this guy that you like.
Someone who I've befriended in the BDSM scene, an older, mature and experienced female submissive (who looks on me as a new, vulnerable person who needs protecting and a guiding hand, it's quite sweet) told me; "there is not a single woman on this earth, who hasn't - or won't in the future - had at least one erotic thought/fantasy based around or involving rape and/or got hot at the thought of being hit/spanked".
Now, take that as you will, but I've heard many times before this that fantasy rape is very common. But it's very important to emphasise, I think, that the fantasy (either played out or kept in the head) is worlds apart from actual, real life rape. The former is about indulging in a sexual fetish that provides pleasure, the latter is nothing to do with sex and everything to do with violence, violation and assault.
As said by others, any role play of this nature (or any other kind involving violence, real or faked) should be engadge in with established rules, boundaries and safewords. So, in short - don't freak out, it's quite normal (perhaps the courage to actually open up about it is more rare, though!), but make sure you talk it out and get on the same page about it. Basically, if you're curious at all, ask him more about it. If it's completely a turn off and not your thing, just say so. He'll thank you for being honest and upfront about it, like he was with you.
I agree with everyone else. STAY SAFE and yes, it is surprisingly common.
However, can I ask how well you know this guy? It's a bit dodge if you've only known him a short while. Most people would address such a taboo fantasy after a long time and working up to it.
popk1n wrote:
I agree with everyone else. STAY SAFE and yes, it is surprisingly common.
However, can I ask how well you know this guy? It's a bit dodge if you've only known him a short while. Most people would address such a taboo fantasy after a long time and working up to it.
This is our second attempt at dating but it's not been very long so I was a bit surprised. He is very open sexually. I'm not sure it will come to anything tbh, I really like him but I don't know if he's the one for me really.
Then wait. To be engaging in a roleplay like that requires true trust and it doesn't sound like it is 100% there yet. Just wait and see what you want. If you are surprised, chances are that's your instincts saying "hold on a minute, watch out".
He maybe only asked because some people make out like it's every woman's wet dream to play out a rape fantasy. It isn't, but it is very common... and really, either wanting to do it or have it done to you doesn't make you a deeply disturbing person! Please don't judge people based on their kinks/fantasies/fetishes guys. It's ok if something doesn't appeal to you or even if some sexual act does disturb you but that doesn't make others worthy of being judged. There is a massive difference between someone who would rape another person and someone who would play out a consensual fantasy. Rape fantasy does not = rapist. Rapists don't ask permission or discuss the rape with their victim before hand!
Maybe he even wants to be the one being 'raped'. You never know!
It's worth noting that some people throw definitions around very loosely and forced orgasms, one person being in charge, bdsm type scenes and rape play become interchangeable things (even though they are not). To some it can even refer simply to spontaneous sex, where one person 'jumps' the other. If any of that appeals to you then it could be worth letting him know you're up for some fun but you're not comfortable calling it rape. Or at the very least get him to clarify what he means by rape play.
It was a bit early to bring that up though, sexually open or not! Some not so kinky/creepy (however you find it) fun could be a better suggestion than diving into a rape fantasy surely. Like everyone has said, that's something that requires trust on both ends. I'd wait and see but wouldn't let it put you off him :)
Would never act it out in a role play. Nuff said.
I have heard of women wanting to play this out, which although I do not understand, it seems to be a submissive role where the man would be being asked to perform this, and consequently would only be doing what was asked, nothing more.
However, when it comes to a man wanting to act this out, I would be very wary of this, sounds like it could be all to real, and safe words might not be enough.
In my opinion, just don't, this doesn't sound right.
I honestly think it is far too early on in your relationship. You need a heap of trust. Discuss fantasies by all means, but I wouldn't rush into something like this role play.
Having been raped by my first boyfriend, and managed to escape an attempted rape at a friends place, I find the idea of this disturbing. No, I wasn't chased down an alley by a stranger, but the fact it was someone who I could trust, for me, makes it worse.
Maybe my first boyfriend had rape fantasies, who knows. But for him "no" didn't mean no, and stop didn't mean stop. We had never talked about it before, I had barley just lost my virginity to him, when this occurred. I cannot stress the importance of safe words, and the trust you need for any relationship, but especially those where boundaries in regard to a fantasy, are blurred.
I love sex with my current partner. But I've been with him now nearly 2 years and it's only just that i fully trust him after such events in the past. I wouldn't dream of starting out into a physical relationship with anybody and jump straight into such an extreme fantasy, as it could be dangerous.
I would tread very carefully. Don't let something that is his "fantasy" make you feel guilty for not wanting to go along with it. Whatever you decide to do, have fun and play safe.
sugarboobies2232 wrote:
Having been raped by my first boyfriend, and managed to escape an attempted rape at a friends place, I find the idea of this disturbing. No, I wasn't chased down an alley by a stranger, but the fact it was someone who I could trust, for me, makes it worse.
I cannot stress the importance of safe words, and the trust you need for any relationship, but especially those where boundaries in regard to a fantasy, are blurred.
I would tread very carefully. Don't let something that is his "fantasy" make you feel guilty for not wanting to go along with it. Whatever you decide to do, have fun and play safe.
+1. I completely agree with these comments. I would never do this kind of role play, as a survivor of an actual r*pist, I personally don't understand where the enjoyment would come from. I have nothing against people who decide to experiment with this kind of play, it's just not for me.
It is not unheard of for people to enjoy play like this but I'd say it's unusual for it to be mentioned quite early on in your relationship. You need plenty of trust to consider doing something like this. Be safe and don't do anything you're not comfortable with.
I'm sorry to hear your stories girls. I'm glad to see that your both able to talk about it, I'm all too aware of those who feel they can't. Wish you both all the best in your new relationships 😚
As others have said, it's a very common fantasy for people to have apparently, so I guess in that sense you could say it's normal.
If it's not something you're comfortable with then make sure you're both very clear on that, or if you are interested be sure to discuss your limits & safe words and how you want it to play out. I do think it's a little bit soon, if it were me I'd want to wait much longer before contemplating fantasies like that just to ensure that the trust has built up and the relationship is strong.
Personally, it's not a fantasy I'd ever consider, even with my partner of 5+ years. We do engage in BDSM, I can see other peoples point about rape fantasies being similar, but for me the two are completely different. I find rape one of the most degrading and horrifying things you can do to a person as it's such a personal violation, I think I'd have a very hard time separating my feelings about that from the fantasy, whereas I don't even associate spanking and domination with domestic violence. (Just to be clear I'm not saying people with rape fantasies are horrifying and degrading, those were my feelings about actual rape).
Each to their own I suppose! :)
Good luck and stay safe xx
I think a lot of you have hit the nail squarely on the head...WAAAAY too soon for him to have brought this up. I was pretty shocked when he asked. I don't mind it a bit rough sometimes but it's not something I'd bring up this early on. As I said before this isn't our first attempt at dating, we had 2 dates earlier this year but it didn't turn out well (his fault) and as a result I am nowhere near close to trusting him enough to think about such things...or even just sleep with him. The idea really does nothing for me...aside from the initial shock and a shudder.
Do you actually like ie fancy this guy? Maybe you should just leave him alone altogether. Have you said that it was an inappropriate comment to him? Maybe he thought you'd find it hot or something idk?