please help me

my boyfriend of 7 years just said i was shit on bed cos i dont just jump or grab at him when we go bed i cant help that i need 2 warm up wot can i do and wot is wrong with me. :'(

I don't think there is anything wrong with you at all.

When you say you don't jump/grab him in bed do you mean that during the act you don't do anything? Or that you don't iniate sex at all?

I think more than anything it's a confidence issue and it's something you yourself need to work on, it's also about being comfortable with your partner, and him telling you that you're not good in bed isn't a way to help people get comfortable.

Also why don't you grab him in bed? Is there something in your head telling you not to? In what way does he want you to grab him?

it cos he say i shit the i think wots the point i will just do it wrong i do try iniate sex but i cant do that right ever i know im fat and ugly but i just hope that i can get him 2 love me again

that y i tryin 2 get this help

more info needed... how would u inishiate sex? wen both in bed..or would u wear some sexy thing n say "hay..u.. upstairs now.." tell us how ud start it 1st...

tell us as much as u can :)

I have to say it sounds like he has completely knocked your confidence, in which it tells me that he's not right for you.

A partner should make you feel sexy and confident and not constantly knock you down which it sounds like he is doing to me.

if it a weeknite then when we in bed i will strip and then strok his back and kiss his neck but he would just roll over and turn his back 2 me and tell me wots the point i will just b shit

if it weekend then i will put something nice on and dance 2 some music but he dont even look at me.

wot can i try that will work

to rozenangel i love him and dont want 2 lose him 7years is a long time when i only 23

I understand that you don't want to lose him and yeah 7 years is a long time. However it doesn't sound like he respects you at all, nor does he even seem to be willing to try, (From the information if I've read from him turning his back on you, it doesn't seem like he's willing to try at all)

If you're only 23, and you got with him when you was 16, It's a long time to be with someone when you're only still young and havent really experimented with other people, built up that confidence and know what it is you want from a partner. Now I'm not saying that everyone who gets with their partner young shouldn't of (My parents have been together since they was 12, and are still very much in love)

But also 7 years is a long time to be with someone who is emotionally draining you, critising you and knocking your confidence. It entirely upto you what you want to do, but as I said earlier a partner shouldn't make you feel any of things you're feeling and you should be able to communicate with each other and work on what you both want sexually together.

thank u 4 the help he on been doin all this for a couple of months but i just taken its tol on me i love him but just dont know wot i doin wrong and how i can change it i just want 2 make us happy again

You said up there that you want to do something to make him love you again.

In my opinion and no one can tell you what to do I'd get rid of him, he doesn't sound like he respects you anymore and without that what do you have?

As I said 7 years is a long time to throw away, but why spend the next 20,30,40yrs misrable because you didn't want to let a failed realtionship go.

I hope things work out for you, and that you start to feel better about yourself, without your own self confidence you're not going to be able to have the confidence in sexual matters.

I agree with FrozenAngel, get rid of him, you're still young and could meet someone who appreciates you for who you are.

Dump him. He's a cock !

Ork wrote:

This sounds like a mentally abusive relationship, physical or mental, when someone starts to abuse you its time to leave, people like that aren't going to change and trying to make them will only lead to further problems, its one thing to not want sex, but its another thing entirely to be a complete dick.

I thought that myself Ork it being mentally abusive.

I agree with you Avrielle, if this has just started suddenly in the last 3/4 months it suggests something happened to cause a change. Especially after 6.5 years of great relationship and then suddenly this. Has anything happened in his life or between you that may have caused this to start?

I also think Avrielle is right that you need to sit and talk together and try to get to the bottom of it as it is not fair on you to be taking those kind of slurs.

To me it sounds like he is deliberately trying to push you away as he is too spineless to end the relationship himself. I know it is easy for people to say on forums like this, but based on what you have told us I would get out before things get worse

to Avrielle_Aniko thank u 4 all the help will try sit down and talk 2 him

Sounds like you need to have a talk with him if you ask me, sounds like something else mite be wrong.

seems he`s a bit self centric and unconcerned about your feelings. telling your other half your crap in bed outright is to my mind a huge no-no and totally insensitive. ditching him might be the ultimate cure. getting your self esteem back will be one of the biggest challenges you`ll have to try to overcome because notwithstanding youve been together 7 years, you may have been labouring under the now apparent misconception that your sex life was just fine. now, everything you do and every time you do it your maybe gonna be wondering "what if" and doubting yourself which will only make you more apprehensive.

bottom line he sounds a bit like a horses ass who if there was a problem, couldnt let you down lightly and attempt to put things right in any kind of subtle way but thoughtless in the extreme just blurting out your crap in bed !

in roman times he`d be in the arena getting the thumbs down lol

good luck with whatever path you choose.