my partner has always been into porn. i like it but only to watch on my own (i dont anymore).i have had 3 children and my youngest is 8 weeks. but if he wants to watch it, it makes me feel so shit. like im not good enough. this morning i tried being ok with it but i cant, he watched a very sexy mother being fucked off 2 guys and some woman with big tits. im nothing like that. i cant do all them things the women do. he doesnt care about me watching porn. but to me porn is mainly about the woman, he wouldnt think twice about watching a not very nice looking woman. i hate getting my body out to him because im a fat mess, and im ugly. we tried watching it together last night, i cumd but when it was his turn he touched me which made him cum. when i know for a fact he would be excited if he was doing it alone. im more annoyed because he doesnt admit this to me. if it wasnt upto me putting videos on last night (which i wasnt comfortable with) he would of ended up on page 50 odd trying to find a video when i know when hes on his own he will find one instantly. to me sex is a loving thing that should be shared between 2 people. yes masturbation is ok but when hes watching porn it makes me feel like im not enough for him. its ruining the relationship
Hi, i think you are doing really well to be back in the swing of things 8 weeks after childbirth, as it took me months! and you aren't a fat mess/ugly i am sure, you have just to give your body time to recover, and you need to remember non of us have the perfect body after have babies x
with regard to the porn, have you actually aired your view on it with him? I really think you should sit down and talk to your other half about the negative effect that him watching porn has on you and your body image.
Could you suggest two weeks/ a month perhaps where you make time for each other but without the porn?
I'd say in this case it's your low self-esteem that's the problem and not the porn. If you are confident that your partner finds you sexy, then obviously a woman on a screen can be no competition for a real-life partner. Porn is a masturbation tool and nothing more. But if you think you're a "fat mess" and "ugly", that's doing more harm to the relationship that porn ever will.
You need to do some work on getting to love your body. Until then, ask your husband to be more discreet about his porn consumption -- you don't want to know about it, or see the evidence -- no net history left behind, no crunchy tissues lying around the place. Hopefully that will give you enough space to get your own head straight, and begin to learn to love yourself.
You are only 8 weeks past childbirth. Give yourself a break! Of course you don't like your body right now. You're exhausted probably, and don't have time to pamper yourself and make yourself feel good. You don't have to go back to being a sex kitten so quickly.
Hi I second what Fizz and Sparkle have said. I started having sex after 7 weeks of the birth on my 2nd child and whilst things have gotten better, it's still not there with how it was before. When I had my first a nurse at my GP's said it takes around a year for your body to recover from childbirth. Try not to put too much pressure on yourself, as it will take time.
All good advice from the girls here !!
And I agree.
And from a blokes perspective, Like Shelly said, Its a masterbation tool, I see it in some strange sense as a virtual sex toy, Thats all.
Slow down and let your body recover at its own speed, Including your hormones etc...
I agree with Shellyboo also, porn is probably not the problem here...
Ild also like to add that my Fiance has the same attitude towards porn.
I can say with my hands on my heart that for her this is actually more to do with her self confidence, Trust issues etc than it is to do with my watching porn.
I keep mine discreet and only watch/use porn now if shes sound asleep or out.
( We had a bit of a porn problem ourselves a while back, But that was more to do with my becomming addicted than anything else )
But I would like to state again and this is also from speaking to other guys, Porn is just a tool, The women in the vids we wouldnt touch given the chance, Most of them scare me lol, And like ORK said, Its all fake. ( Apart from amateur porn of course )
I honestly know how you feel, I was 100% the same :) So your not alone!!! What you feel about your body is probably far from true...
I've had 4 children and really believe my hubby when he says he thinks im beautiful!! What he watches means nothing, U will probably find hes not actually looking at the woman on the penetration side of things.
Tell him how u feel and mayb ask him if he can lay of it for a while until ur feeling a little better about ur self!!!
Lifes to short to argue about porn :) xx
Porn is just a masterbation fantasy tool where u are the voyeur. Nearly ALL guys wstch it and nearly ALL. guys have girlfriends who dont look like pornstars, how msny women do you know actually look like that anyway?
Men dont percieve REAL sex and porn sex as the same thing..otherwise we would all feel rather short changed in the trouser department !!
I dont see porn as the same as sex either.. Its the same as masturbating. Im not looking at specific people on it and being turned on by them. Im looking at the wholesex act and being turned on by that. Try watching porn on your own?Naked_butler wrote:
Porn is just a masterbation fantasy tool where u are the voyeur. Nearly ALL guys wstch it and nearly ALL. guys have girlfriends who dont look like pornstars, how msny women do you know actually look like that anyway?
Men dont percieve REAL sex and porn sex as the same thing..otherwise we would all feel rather short changed in the trouser department !!
The argument of men knowing the difference between porn sex and real sex is not always true. When i met my hubby we were both into our thirties and he had never had sex before but had watched plenty of porn, he expected sex to be like it is in those movies and although he enjoys sex it will never match up to the expectations porn. We went through a bit of a rough patch over the porn as i had body isaues myself and then found out he was secretly watching porn. i had never had a problem with porn and was very much each to their own but did some research mainly to see if i was over reacting and was shoked to learn just how many relationahips break down due to porn use (think it was one in five!!!). we managed to work through it but ii wasnt easy. I know its difficult but you need to discuss it with him, i would also suggest finding some research on porn and relationships if i can find tlhem again i will post them.
I also agree with the others here in that it is still very soon after having your baby s
hadnt finished but posted by accident!!!!!! as i was saying,its still very soon after having your baby and your relationship needs time to adjust to that.
thanks for all ur posts, we have been arguing alot about it recently, he doesnt understand how i feel and what i mean, i tried being fine with him watching porn this morning and i couldnt. :( it sounds sad but it hurts knowing he likes to watch it. dont get me wrong i like it but i know he hasnt got any insecurities so he doesnt mind. i get thishorrible sickly feeling that feels like its actually hurting. its horrible because i dont want to feel like this, am i ever going to feel ok about porn? i told him this morning i feel like i love him in a whole different way and making love is so important especially when its with smebody you want to spend your life with. ive been doing alot of research on porn and alot of people say every man and woman fantasise about their ideal partner, i seriously dont, i dont even look at another man, he say he only thinks about me when hes masturbating or when we have sex. i dont no wether hes telling the truth or what, i know i sound pathetic and people might read this and think i need to get a grip (as my partner would say) but its hurting so bad :'(
I look at a lot of porn when my wife isn't around, but I do keep it discrete as I know she'd have an issue with the regularity of it. She too has body issues (since having a baby by caesarian and 2 lots of key-hole) but those things don't bother me at all; I still adore her as much as I did the day I proposed.
Like all the men that have commented above, porn is completely different to sex; I would never chose porn over sex. Apart from being a wank-aid when I'm on my own, porn is a bit like research; we both enjoy a lot of kinky bondage and I get a lot of ideas from the porn I watch.
I think you should encourage your OH to be a lot more discrete, but I also think you need to realise that he isn't replacing you with porn or comparing you to the girls in the porn in any way. The things that turn me on in porn isn't the girls themselves and how attractive they may be, but the actual situations (for example the girl being tied up and spanked)
The bit I don't understand is you're saying all this but yet you watch it yourself. How do you justify that?
Yummymummy, please stop worrying. Not many of us can do what these actresses do, and remember, they ARE actresses. Most men including your man knows this and none of them would realistically expect you or us to look like those actresses, or indeed do most of the things that they do.
You have just had a baby and you are bound to be feeling a little body conscious, hormonal, vunerable and tired, but please don't put yourself down, i'm sure your man doesn't see you as a big fat mess at all. Nor are you ugly!
Maybe you could ask your man to either watch it alone, or perhaps try building up to watching porn by starting off with something less hard core and more erotic first? Take it gradual. Try to find something that you feel comfortable watching with him.
When i first met my man, i couldn't watch porn with him either, although i could quite happily watch it alone, why? Because for some reason i just felt too embarrassed. However by building up gradually by chatting in general about it and a few softer, more erotic type of films, i eventually relaxed enough to watch it with him and actually enjoy it.
Good luck.
i dont watch it myself, but i dont mind it, but i hate my partner watching it because of how i feel, i wonder what hes thinking and wether im good enough for him. its tearing us apart, hes lovely though he says he wont watch it because he loves me so much and he cares about my feelings
S&A wrote:
Why don't you both watch it together??? :)
My OH and i watch porn together and find it great fun and very sexy… I recommend it
If you're not comfortable watching porn then:
1. He shouldn't expect you to watch it
2. He should only watch it when you are not around
As he likes porn it would seem perhaps a bit much to expect him to give it up but it wouldn't be too much to expect him to not make you feel uncomfortable by watching it hen you are around.
I used to love the idea of Mrs Cappy watching porn with me, not sure why but it did / does appeal to me. She is not a huge fan of porn so I don't push it and once or twice she has watched.
I do tend to view porn as a tool, plastic acting with plastic moans and zero feeling
yummymummy445 wrote:
i dont watch it myself, but i dont mind it, but i hate my partner watching it because of how i feel, i wonder what hes thinking and wether im good enough for him. its tearing us apart, hes lovely though he says he wont watch it because he loves me so much and he cares about my feelings.
Yummymummy.
You have just answered your own question there, when you say that you wonder whether you're good enough for him, followed by he loves you and he cares about your feelings.
As i said earlier, you have just had a baby and so your bound to be feeling self conscious about your body and this in turn will make you feel a little insecure. I'm sure that most mums have felt like this so soon after having a baby about themselves, but in time, those feelings should disappear as your body reverts back to its normal self.
If you feel self conscious about your post baby body and you want to get back into the 'swing of things' maybe you could try wearing a corset? LH have a fabulous range. If you feel that they may be uncomfortable just yet on your boobs, try an underbust one.
It sounds like you need a massive injection of confidence so order a nice corset / basque and some stockings, get rid of the little ones for the night if you can, pamper yourself in a lovely scented bath, put a little make up on and knock your man dead.
Put it this way, when he see's his own living, breathing siren giving him the come on, i guarantee that all thoughts of watching porn will be banished. Who wants to watch when it can be made?
Once your confidence has been boosted, try watching a little soft porn to begin with and take it from there.
He loves you, and from what you say in your post, he respects you and your wishes, so go for it. Make him beg if needs be, it's your playground.
Happy times ahead.