OK... Going to ask as a mum of a 13 and 11 year old boy... I am bracing myself for that fateful time when I find them at it masterbating, or evidence of said event.
My mum never really had a proper sex talk with me, but doing the talk to my sons seems a bit awkward. Not sure if my ex had had a talk about it, but I really should think of the possible scenarios.
Do I act cool about it and even suggest things to help on his solo journey into manhood, or not....?
I already think my 13 yr old is trying to source porn on his laptop in his room.... But I don't want him to get the wrong idea about how women should be treated( porn stars not the best for that!)
As I came from an abusive relationship with his dad, I am even more keen he takes a better caring view of relationships with women
A y suggestions fellow mums/ dads?
To be quite honest dont make a fuss if you catch or you find stains in their beds,its a natural process for young lads to look at porn and fantasise.
I have 2 boys of my own and i only nearly caught one of them at it.He told his older brother what happened and in turn he told me.There just does`nt seem to be any embarrasement with the younger generation nowadays. you`ll have condoms hidden in there bedroom,but just dont tell them off there growing up.
Yeah well the oldest I think is going to be a late starter anyway.... He only wants to play minecraft 24/7😄the 11 year old still not hit puberty fully yet... Already had a gf 2weeks into senior school, now dumped her... And has told me that all the girls are after him again!!!
He's the one that is going to get the action for real 1st I think if I put money on it...😊
It isn't till you have kids hitting this age, you have to stop and think what it was like at that age all those yrs ago.... If my parents knew what I got up to before I left for uni.... Their hair would go white!
I started a bit late( 17),but I did hit the floor running so to speak😅😇
you`ll be ok nm
i came down to the sw when i was 16 and that was really when it started for mexx
Personally I would bring up some form of discussion, for example explaining that it is natural and healthy to masturbate (it wont cause him any damage) and discuss porn and how it is designed for entertainment and does not resemble "real life" sex, but is simply portraying fantasy. Explain that many things in porn or unrealistic for real life, because in real life we share intimacy, kissing, holding and often real sex does not resemble porn sex. You could lead him to some educational sites or places to go if he has any queries or concerns etc. (With the hope that he will pick up information and not feel insecure or abnormal if he begins to compare himself, or his real life sex with porn sex or porn stars)
Let him know that if he ever needs information you will be there to talk to. Most kids will feel mortified (Mum you are embarrassing me! lol) and probably know more than we think at at earlier age than we think! I have this chat coming up in a few years myself...I think I will start thinking about it now! lol
HI NM, well done you. It's great that you are giving your sons this sort of consideration. It is very important that their early sexual experiences are good. As this will be huge part of who they are sexually as men. You are quite right positive input now is massive for boys sexual development. Wet dreams your first ejaculation is a huge thing mentally and physically. It usually happens in bed when you are fast asleep and you have your first big erotic dream and is all so usually UN stimulated, just the mind makes it happen. Can you imagine how intense and baffling this is to young teenage boy. The last thing he needs is any negativity, we tried the same approach as women have to daughters about there first period. So often this is treated with a lovely sisterhood style, you are now a woman and its natural. So when my wife said he had stained the bed "we see you are a man now". It seemed to work.
I don't want to go on but I think what you are about to try and do is one of the most important things in a man's life. To give him confidence, reassurance and underpin his whole core sexually. I don't want to scare you or make you worry about it. Yes you need to start to talk about sex in general, not focus on masturbation alone. Try starting with contraception especially condoms to help them both be safe. I actually gave my son his first pack. If you don't they will get their distorted ideas from their mates who actually know no more than them.
As a obviously caring mum, a thing you could do that is subtle, try putting a small bin a long side each of their beds and a box of men's threeply tissues on a bed side table near the bin. They will get the massage, it might even broach the subject for you, when you are asked what's that for.
To try and talk to them about sex in general now will do you all a power of good. I have a twenty year old son and a thirteen year old daughter. Sex is usually discussed at the dinner table the little embarrassment at the start is long gone and both are children are able to come to either of us and talk openly. The biggest thing was when our daughter said I don't need to do it now ,until I want too.
You are their mum you guide them in every other avenue of their life this is very important don't shy away. Go for it, yes discuss porn help them understand that it is not real. If you have the guts or you maybe all ready doing it don't cover up in the bathroom do it subtly so they see a woman's body. The main thing is too try and take the mystique out of it a little. It's like children and alcohol, because it's an adult thing and they arn't meant to do it they want to try it even more.
So refreshing to hear you want to discuss this, I can only believe that by doing this you and any other woman they come across( no pun intended) will get the respect that all women deserve. Good luck, be brave.
The only piece of advice I can give is, don't catch him 'at it' !!
ROFL.... Doing best not to😊
With technology these days though.... My boys will be able to get info/ images etc that I would never have at their age.... Have to move with the times I guess....
I got the sex talk for the first time off my older sister when she first learned about it, i remember her using my magnentic scetching board drawing me a picture of sperm and eggs :P i must have been about 9, so whatever you tell your older son, i'd imagine he's likely to pass it on to his younger brother, like my older sister did with me.
It was also my sister who was home with me when i got my first period, so was the first to know, siblings share more than you think, so the younger especially may go to the older when he first experiences a wet dream and such, if they have a close relationship anyway.
They are not really that close tbh... My older son is a really quite a bully to my younger son.... And to me tbh.....
They are completely different in temperment . as my younger son is starting to change I am sure he is the one I really need the talk with.... Girls just love him!...
Just before I went into senior school my mam sat me down one night when my dad was out, and showed me sexual education video she got from somewhere. We both sat and watched it and it was the most embarrassing thing I've ever had to do in my life! But now I'm older, I really appreciate what she did, and I know she was just doing it because she wanted me to be well informed. It was really useful, and told you all about everything! When I was younger I'd seen my mum getting pads out of her drawer in the bedroom and she told me it was for her period, and I would get it when I was older. When I first started my period my mum had just gone over the road to the shops, I noticed I had blood when I wiped, so I went in her drawer and took a pad and put it on. When she got home I told her I had started my period, and she started panicking and saying "right quick we need to get you a pad", but I told her I had already done it myself, and she started crying and hugging me. I asked her what was wrong and she just said she was so proud of me. I really hope I have a good experience with my sons, but they're a long way off yet! All I can say is good luck :)
I have 3 teenagers- boy ,girl, boy and have at some point talked to all of them , I bought my daughter a book when she was 10 explaining about periods and puberty and I know her brothers have read it too. The book was a good way to open the subject and offer her advice and I remember having something similar at that age which i kept refering back to . They also have lots of contact with thir dad and its good for the boys as they have a man they can ask if they dont feel they can talk to me.
They have also all been quite lucky that the school they attend provided useful sex education and advice rather than just the boiligy of it all!
I have tried to keep it casual and not a big sit down event. They know hopefully that they can come and talk to me if needed and I am not embarrassed to discuss anything with them which helped when my youngest son decided to have a nosey round my bedroom whilst I was at work and saw my toy collection!
Good luck nm and try not to worry ;)
I would have have been mortified if my mother had sat me down and talked to me about masturbation! Just let them explore it on their own.
I dont really see any reason to have a 'formal' sex talk either, just talk about it generally and anwser any questions.
I'm with Dali on this but you could just let it slip out in conversation that wanking is good for you (as long as it doesn't keep making you late for appointments). Similarly, if you're worried they might pick up a bad attitude to women, best to slip it into general conversation. If you give them the sex talk one of you is going to laugh and the other will be bored - it could go either way - so unless you think they're expecting to tick that experience off I wouldn't go there.
Teenagers generally like to think they're invented sex and that their parents don't do it any more if they ever did, so going on about it is the parenting equivalent of mutton dressed as lamb.
If they ask, answer, and, as I say, put the morals into a general context.
I'd say that the "porn isn't a documentary" talk is probably more imprortant than one about masturbation tbh - boys are normally pretty good at working that bit out for themselves!
Considering how easy it is nowadays for a teenager to get hold of some fairly 'niche' pornography these days, I'd say that the porn talk is pretty much vital.
I don't want to contradict people here as their advice may work. But for me I would never have been able to have a conversation like that with my parents.
As far as sex ed goes, I don't think kids are taught enough about the bad side of parenting. Young and inexperienced people aren't as likely to catch STIs as sex education indicates and this subject dominated my day of taught sex ed. For me the biggest problem is pregnancy and to just as much of an extent the years afterwards. If you can make them realise how much of an impact getting someone pregnant will have on their lives, you've done something right. Maybe you could find a documentary on young parent or something.
He he... Says the evil child puppet chucky!!😁
I know they have had the sex ed at school, and I am glad of it... They both came out with a comic that explains the changes for boys and girls... Atm it sounds like human reproduction is on the class list atm with my younger son... So I am swing that there .Y be an opportunity for him.
I am sure they can and will find out a lot on there own... But not from sex YouTube bids from minecraft!!!😄
If you don't want them finding porn online you can set the parental controls on the laptop to stop them finding anything they shouldn't
I think in these days a porn talk is an absolute must your son needs to know that porn sex isn't real sex
also if having the "talk" is too awkward or embarrassing get your kids to watch http://www.channel4.com/programmes/the-sex-education-show or watch with them i've seen them before thought they quite helpful they may not cover everything so make sure your kids know they can ask you any questions they have
Whenever I see this thread title I think this will be a warning to One Dimension fans about the dangers of large pictures on their walls.