Hey! Just wondering how to bring up kinks to my partner? They’re pretty extreme and I feel embarrassed sometimes as he’s pretty vanilla. I enjoy rough and crazy sex which I had to teach him to perform. He loves it now but after 3 years I still haven’t found the courage to bring up my fantasies. I really want to try adult baby role play, me being the baby (22 F) and him caregiver (25 M). There’s much more but our sex life in general has declined a lot so I don’t feel like it’s a particularly good time…any tips? 
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If your sex life has declined, now is not the time to add in the kinks. Get the basics back on high octane then go for the other ideas once you are solid.
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The only way you’ll get it out is by talking and building that connection to speak freely about each other’s fantasies… might just need to pick the right moments for it when your partner is chilled and open minded 
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first let me say Greetings and Welcome to the community @Cherryangel 
as you say there is much more…please work on that before adding new ideas or it could take a turn for the worse. communication is key.
Once you are back on track here is another thought, do you two watch porn together? if so, this is a way I’ve gauged my OH reaction to new ideas. prescreen a video that has content of anything new you want to try. then watch it together and ask them what they thought right after.
wishing you both all the best
Welcome!
Q
“How can I/we have better/kinkier sex?”
A
Almost always through honest communication.
Easier said than done for most partners in this situation due to a lack of confidence (or embarrassment) in raising their secretly-held desires/needs with their other halves. You perhaps worry just how they might react to anything you might suggest that isn’t currently on your current sex menu.
How about using a prompt such as a sexual inventory checklist such as a “Yes/No/Maybe” list?
These are freely available on-line if you search on the terms:
- “sexual inventory checklist”; or
- “Yes/No/Maybe”.
There are lots of different lists on the internet - all with different focuses. Some are more generalized, whilst others, for instance, are better for those who prefer BDSM play.
You could produce your very own list tailored to some/most of the things you would like to try/experience.
Making it fun s a helpful way to introduce the list. It becomes a useful prompt and a good starting point in communicating both partner’s needs by your using the completed lists as a means of telling each other what you want to try…
Using the list as a prompt, you could both explore all the diverse types of sex people have.
You might be pleasantly surprised by the outcome(s)!
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I would second the yes/no/maybe questionnaire.
Have a look online, there are loads of them, and you should be able to find one tbat covers the topics you are interested in.
You can both fill it in and it will allow you to explore what you both would like to explore.
This is what I’d do if I was struggling to bring up something niche and different that I really wanted to try. Is you bloke pretty open minded and willing to try new stuff?
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I’m not sure I agree with advice to concentrate on the basics and get your sex life ‘back on track’ first. It may be that it is declining because you both need to find something new to do, which is normal. So the kinks could be exactly what you need.
Your situation is usually one faced by males in a male-female relationship. That is, it’s usually the man who wants to be kinky, and the woman doesn’t. But it seems quite telling that one of your fantasies is a big role reversal. And with the fact that you feel the pressure of coming up with ideas, it suggests to me that you are frustrated with always being the one who has to lead.
That’s something I have been dealing with throughout a long marriage, but in the end I had to accept that a leopard can’t change its spots, and make the most of the situation.
As a first step, aim to be shameless yourself, as that was the only way to get my wife to be less vanilla. You have to send out the message that you want a more liberated, shameless, fun sex life, and give your partner ‘permission’ to follow.
You could start by openly masturbating in front of him. Watching porn might help too - you watching in front of him, or together. And if you gradually explore kinkier porn, you will automatically introduced the subject. Then it is a relatively easy step to say, “That looks like fun. Shall we try it?” Plus kinky porn helps vanilla people to see you wouldn’t be the only ones who enjoy being kinky.
Good luck. I really think that looking to up the pace is a very positive sign, not any admission of failure.
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I’d echo what others have mostly said.
Anything that could be seen as a bit kinky or fetishistic should be an extension of an already healthy sex life and not an alternative to one. If you need to try unusual things to keep the spark going you WILL run out of options in the end and may also have strayed in to some strange practises, perhaps without even realising it but having justified it because it “keeps the relationship going”.
I’ve got a couple of kinks I like to indulge from time to time but it’s only if both sides are up for it.
On one occasion, suggesting to a GF that we try something I liked but hadn’t shared at that point had her screaming at me that I was weird and then running a mile. It just sped up the decline of an already failing relationship.
Hello Cherryangel,
First, welcome to the Lovehoney community. I hope you will find plenty of support here.
To share a little bit of my own story (because I can relate), the first time I told my husband (and long before we were married) that I was into BDSM, his first reaction was “eww”. I know, definitely not the reaction that I was hoping for!
I have good news, though: he’s now probably got the BDSM bug even more than what I have. He’s also my Daddy Dom 
So now let’s talk about you.
I feel like one of the first steps for you would be to let go of this idea that your kink is extreme or shameful. You have a kink, so what? It’s your kink - embrace it! Be proud of it. It’s part of you, just like the colour of your eyes or your hair.
When it comes to introducing them to your partner, timing is crucial. If he’s had a bad day at work, obviously, that won’t be the right time. Tell him that you’d like to speak to him about something, something personal to you, and that you will need to find a good time. If he loves you, of course he will find a good time.
Next, think about how this kink is for you. What about CGl is important for you? Is it, for example, having a caretaker? Is it feeling safe and protected? Is it diaper play? What if he’s happy to be your protector and maybe have you call him Daddy (if that works for you), but he’s not into diaper play? Could you compromise, or is no diapers no deal? Also, what’s in it for him? Relationships are about compromise.
If you really struggle to talk about it, you could try writing a letter to him and saying that you felt too ashamed to say it. It might work, but there is always a risk that it might not, and you will have to face the feeling of rejection either way. I can tell you honestly though that I personally know a number of great men who more than love the thought of being a caregiver/Daddy to their partner, and it is quite likely that yours may be the same
I wish you both the best of luck.
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Communication is the best way…
Or send him links to videos and ask him what he thinks
I am very open minded and adventours and she had not done anything before meeting me. it took time and a lot of conversations/seed planting.
For more specific/kinkier things i actually created a sex spreadsheet 
I copied every type of kink i could find and one evening (pick the right time) we went trhrough and highlighted each kinky a colour depending on how she felt about it.
Red = never gonna happen,
Orange = open to try but not her thing
Green = yes, wants to try it.
White = Tried it and loved it.
Black = tried it and disliked it.
Very dull and ocd but it worked well. I may have planted some of my kinks in there and negotiated.
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@Cherryangel
Welcome to the club and I like the sound of your fantasy- however more unusual than others
As you are only 22 I would suggest dress up fun - drop in the conversation schoolgirl -/ maid / baby and see how he feels - start there are go for it 
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Hi, I agree that most, if not all, man would love to see you dressed up. I understand your issue as Im still trying to get my wife to get involved in my kinks (which are pretty normal I think). We’ve been together for 13y and she does not like sex toys (at least in my presence) and refuses to watch me masturbate or masturbate together. Sex is good but i do miss living some of these kinks in our relationship. I hope you get it sorted out!!
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@Cherryangel
I have dressed as an adult baby in the past but was in a same sex relationship where my girlfriend wanted to breast feed me (loved this) but I did not like wearing a nappy - very unattractive (in my opinion)
I have still got the romper suit - may try it on for my boyfriend to see how it goes - being in a relationship with a man if you loose your dummy he can give you something else to suck
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Is that like a gym romper…?
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Can’t get enough of activewear (pseudo lingerie, though crotchless teddy is still # 1).
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How would you broach with a lady to get a strap-on involved (on her) and is it usually a thing that is enjoyed?
I’ve got a double ended dildo as well that I would love to get involved with her in doggy position, thrusting would be awesome.
Not a dildo fan it seems but would like to gauge some penetration action to be enjoyed after the vibrator.
I understand the challenges you are having . My new bride of 36 years is pretty vanilla and myself a horny kinky sex starved male slut . We have had hundreds of sexual kink talks over the years . We were married about 18 years before I found out she wanted to do anal things to me . She was a little extra drunk one night and as we were in the 69 position I was slightly surprised without warning of a finger in my bum . That was the start of anal play on me and her pegging me . I have to bring up kink discussions many times before she lets slip something sounds good to her . I use several LH sex card games to broach different kinks . Granted every new kink may take way too long in my opinion . Best of luck , I hope you through the great suggestions above to expand your sexual fun .
I think it was a friend that mentioned her dildo/vibrator at home, and I’ve been keen ever since (though that was never seen despite some requests). There’s something about a girl that loves her toys. Mention of it can cause issues when out.
I’ve met up with someone online and we fucked her with some dildos in a car park during the day, was nerve wracking but good fun. Never caught up again but she cam 4 times.