Hi I need help or advice . My husband & i have been married for 26yrs we have a good sex life or we did . my husband is finding it hard to get hard , it dosent matter how much fore play we do its always the same if it dose go hard then he only lasts for a few seconds . I carnt get him off he says hes not bothered him as long as im happy , but its starting to bother me . I think maybe i dont turn him on any more . ive asked him to go to the doctors but he wont , & he gets mad if i keep going on at him to go . can any one help me please im desperate i love my sex & my husband .
Do you mix things up a bit?
Maybe talk to him about what you'd both enjoy in the bedroom - roleplay, dressing up for each other, using toys etc. 26 years is a long time after all!
Could be medical, could just be age or stress. Also men can get into a horrid cycle of performance anxiety after one erectile misfire. Make a night where you give your partner a massage and he returns the favour without the promise of sex afterwards.
If you put too much pressure on him then it's only going to make the problem worse rather than better.
Most likely you'll need to change the whole way you do sex. As men age (and they lose testosterone at about 1% a year after 30) things change; one of them being that it's much more difficult to keep it up while you're getting the OH ready to go!
Add to that the performance anxiety this causes, and there's a pretty surefire way to put sex on the back burner for ever if you don't have a rethink about it.
We men are notoriously difficult to help, and don't often take advice well, so first off be sure to proceed gently. Next, I suggest taking penetrative sex off the agenda, at least for a while, and look for other things to try - oral, mutual masturbation, watching porn together, cuddling, kissing and whatever. The only thing is that it's understood it just goes the way it goes and it's not a great long prelude to you asking hime to get it up anf give you a good rodding.
If you can get this far and enjoy contact without penetration, there's a reasnable chance that things will improve without medication or counselling, so it's worth discussing it openly (if you can). While all this is going on, you can encourage him to take more exercise (with you, of course; fair's fair) and eat more carefully, cut out fags and most booze (which is not usually as hard as you might think, as it's often the woman that has problems with cutting stuff out). With improved fitness there may wel be improved sexual vigour, and it won't hurt in any case.
I'm 58 and have been through all this. I've come out the other end with different ideas about good sex, but most importantly, we both take opportunities when we can (difficult with young kids) and if that means using lube to be able to start with less arousal for you, then that's not the end of the world, is it?
More controversially, I've tried using a strap-on (when I was officially ill and had a catheter in so couldn't perform normally anyway). Far from feeling emasculated, which I expected, I felt empowered as I knew I could pleasure Mrs P. for as long as it took. I got her to amazing orgasms that way, but unfortunately she was less enthusuastic about it after a while when I wasn't "properly" ill any more. But if you can countenance it, it's a valid way of getting laid when your man can't perform normally. If he goes for it, thst is. If he doesn't, then you'll have to use a dildo on yourself (I hlped Mrs P. do this and enjoyed that, too. There again, my biggest pleasure is making my partner come, so it might be different for a more overtly masculine guy.
But at the end of the day, however macho he is, the body doesn't generally perform at 50 like it did at 25, and it's likely to get worse. It could be a long job to make all the changes you need, but keep at it and don't be afraid to have a good wank if you get frustrated. It's not the same, but it helps ...
I have had this problem,it`s not from lack of desire,it`s just age! Just persevere,and believe it when men say,that as long as you`re satisfied,we are too! It`s not a comment on your lack of attraction etc. Really,we men have no real control ovwr how our penis reacts!
Ann, it's not you at all its him he is suffering with erectile dysfunction (ED). All men at some time in their life will suffer with it in one form or another. There are many factors that can cause it. One around our age is stress. Others are weight, fitness , smoking and diabetes..
Ann there are many threads on hear that can help you both, just type it into the search bar at the top of the page I will find you on on my next post. Hydration and PC exercises can help. One thing I can tell you he will need your love and support. I dont usually advocate their use but this what viagra and cialis are for.
Ann, please try to get him to go to GP, just to rule out it is nothing more serious. I don't want to sound morbid or cause panic, my my late-ex-father-in-law had similar problems and it turned out to be a sign of heart disease which he nor my ex-M-I-L knew about until a fatal heart-attack. It's probably not this, and I really don't want to upset or cause panic, but it's definitely worth ruling out.
There are only two things I can suggest I'm afraid
1. Forget about penetrative sex, for a while, you can sexual experiences without penetration, he has other erogenous zones that you can use a vibrator on or kiss, massages, watching porn together, strip clubs, don't expect him to have an erection and don't focus your attentions on his penis, it puts pressure on and by focusing on it it's harder to achieve, like an orgasm.
2. Cock rings? Have you tried them? If you can get him at least semi-erect, add a cock ring, a thick one that offers restriction, then keep up whatever you're doing (sucking, stroking, vibrators ect) this helps my OH stay hard partially due to the restriction, partially due to placebo effect, he expects it to work so he relaxes allowing his body to work itself.
best of luck, if neither of these work I would suggest going to your doctor, NOT to fix his penis or get help producing an erection, because underlying health problems can cause ED, it's not a fault with his masculinity, this is important to remember.
I'd guess that if he can get hard but only very briefly then it's probably medical.
Go and see a doc!
In my opinion he should go see a doc too, cannot rule out medication, tiredness, stress or a medical problem.
Nothing to be embarrassed about. I had a problem with ED, went to the docs and it was diagnosed to be a medication I had started taking recently. I walked out of the clinic with a prescription for a different medication, a prescription for some viagra (cialis) to last a month while the new medication kicked in and a smile on my face things had been sorted. I'm 36, it's really nothing to worry about.
i had this problem
turned out to be anemia i now get injections 4 times per year for the anemia
and now i get better and harder erections than i have ever had
how does he feel is he tired all the time
get him to see a doc it may solve your /his problem
If it's a rather recent change, I would agree with those who have suggested a trip to your local GP. It's something they see daily, but can be due to various different things.
The most likely one is a change in stress levels, but as others have stated, it can be various other things.
Good luck, and if you have no luck with the doctors, let us know. There's loads of tips I'm sure we can suggest to you and your partner.