Really need some advice

Sex Tips & Talk
1

Ok I feel that I really need some advice. As I have already mentioned in a previous thread, I'm a virgin but lately I have really been enjoying having cyber sex with someone. Just recently we exchanged numbers and I have sent him some pictures. The pictures in question are nothing too explicit. It's only underwear pictures and without my face showing but while it was quite a thrill at first, lately I do feel a bit pressured into doing it. The trouble is I can't seem to stop as the person is so complimentary of me and it's really helping my self esteem but deep down I know that I'm being used. It's just that I'm not used to people complimenting me and it just feels so good knowing that someone finds me attractive. He also says that he would like to meet up with me but I pretty much know that it would sorely be for sex.

I don't really know what to do. I feel so tempted to continue with this but at the same time I'm wondering if I'm making myself "cheap". I just love the fact that someone is getting enjoyment because of me and I would be curious enough to meet up with the person but I'm starting to get second thoughts. I feel like if I let this person go then no one will take notice of me again.

2

If you have a gut feeling that you don't want this, then I'd say end things and keep looking for someone who'll compliment you and make you feel this good, but will also be able to emotionally support you.

But if it's something you want, and the negative feelings are coming more from sociatal pressure, then it's up to you. Sex isn't cheap, it's fun, and having sex -for- fun does not and will not make you cheap, or less of a person. Depending on who it's with and how comfortable you are with them, it can be a lot of fun. If you're feeling anxious or like your being used, it could just be a bad experience. I don't even remember my first time because I was so nervous, and I just had some bad sex for a while. I wish I'd waited for my OH, I feel loved and safe with him, and that makes all the difference to me. But I know some people who first had sex just for fun, and found their sexual identity this way.

Cyber sex is also a lot of fun, but it doesn't have to lead anywhere if you don't feel safe or comfortable. You just have to do what's best for you, don't think about the guy or if he'll ignore you if you don't sleep with him, if that's the kind of guy he is then casual or not he isn't worth your time.

3

PinkVixen90 wrote:

Ok I feel that I really need some advice. As I have already mentioned in a previous thread, I'm a virgin but lately I have really been enjoying having cyber sex with someone. Just recently we exchanged numbers and I have sent him some pictures. The pictures in question are nothing too explicit. It's only underwear pictures and without my face showing but while it was quite a thrill at first, lately I do feel a bit pressured into doing it. The trouble is I can't seem to stop as the person is so complimentary of me and it's really helping my self esteem but deep down I know that I'm being used. It's just that I'm not used to people complimenting me and it just feels so good knowing that someone finds me attractive. He also says that he would like to meet up with me but I pretty much know that it would sorely be for sex.

I don't really know what to do. I feel so tempted to continue with this but at the same time I'm wondering if I'm making myself "cheap". I just love the fact that someone is getting enjoyment because of me and I would be curious enough to meet up with the person but I'm starting to get second thoughts. I feel like if I let this person go then no one will take notice of me again.

Is he not sharing his photos with you? If he isn’t I’d question the one sidedness of this? Also remember, there is no pressure, you can do whatever you need to do at a speed you are comfortable with just like you can face to face. If he can’t accept this then you may need to warn him with the police?

personally I don’t think sharing photos cheapens you in any way as long as it’s reciprocal but if you’re not comfortable then just stop. Same rules apply on the web as in real logic fe, set your boundaries and respect them hon. Hope this helps?

4

Hey, just my two cents is to always always trust gut instinct, our brains and hearts like to sugar coat a lot but if your gut tells you something is t right then I’d suggest retracting slowly. You should never feel pressured into anything either physical or mentally when it comes to sex, it should be at your pace.

It’s a slippery slope when you do have cyber sex buddies etc, I had an experience when someone was acting completely single and I was feeling low at the time so they took full advantage of building me up to then just walk away and block everything which really upset me and made some real barriers when it came to communication with the opposite sex. I’m not telling you this to scare you or push you away from something you enjoy but if you don’t feel Comfortable then you should step back before it gets worse. You have a great heart and reading your posts you are a fantastic and caring person who has come a long way so don’t let anything derail that.another little side note, try and not label yourself too much with the “virgin” tag as you should see this as a positive, you can wait until you feel ready and wait for someone who deserves to share that with you ☺️

6

PinkVixen90 wrote:

Ok I feel that I really need some advice. As I have already mentioned in a previous thread, I'm a virgin but lately I have really been enjoying having cyber sex with someone. Just recently we exchanged numbers and I have sent him some pictures. The pictures in question are nothing too explicit. It's only underwear pictures and without my face showing but while it was quite a thrill at first, lately I do feel a bit pressured into doing it. The trouble is I can't seem to stop as the person is so complimentary of me and it's really helping my self esteem but deep down I know that I'm being used. It's just that I'm not used to people complimenting me and it just feels so good knowing that someone finds me attractive. He also says that he would like to meet up with me but I pretty much know that it would sorely be for sex.

I don't really know what to do. I feel so tempted to continue with this but at the same time I'm wondering if I'm making myself "cheap". I just love the fact that someone is getting enjoyment because of me and I would be curious enough to meet up with the person but I'm starting to get second thoughts. I feel like if I let this person go then no one will take notice of me again.

I was exactly that same as you before I met my boyfriend. I was so unconfident and hated my body, so when somebody complimented me and wanted pictures, I was happy to send them because it made me feel good about myself, and made me think that people actually wanted me. I ended up losing my virginity to someone who I really liked, and then 3 months later he left me for his ex girlfriend, and it was absolutely horrible. It made me lose all my confidence again and this time as well as sending pictures I'd have lots of sex with guys I met on tinder, it made me feel good and wanted at the time, but then afterwards I'd hate myself for it. I've now been with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years, and he's the love of my life and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with him. He's amazing and makes me feel confident and sexy and made me see that I didn't need to do all the things I did before I met him, and I deeply regret it now. So my honest advice would be to not do it, the quick thrill and tiny bit of boosted confidence really isn't worth it. xx

7

Playing "devil's advocate" here, if you are doing it and feeling good then there is the option to continue.

From what I gather, your wobble of confidence is more to do with you having second thoughts about sharing photos with people over the internet. There is nothing wrong with sending photos, you're being sensible and occluding your face, and if it's boosting your self-esteem then all the better.

Just remember that you are the "sun" here, everything is revolving around you and you are in control. Take charge of your own sexuality, you are a sexual being and men are going to want pictures of you. If you want the compliments to continue, then do what you're doing! On the other hand, if you don't want to then that is completely fine and he should respect that (or he's not worth it) the "block" and "delete" buttons are right there and you never have to think about this guy again.

My advice is to tell him what you feel, and state very clearly what you are and are not comfortable doing (pics and meeting up), then the ball is in his court, he can show his true colours and you can decide whether you want to continue with him or not.

You're in charge, do what makes you happiest.

8

Throwing in a guys point of view here.

I agree with Vanilla, If you are enjoying sending pictures and having the cyber fun with him then there is no reason to stop that side of things. It certainly doesn't make you cheap in the slightest!! You are doing nothing wrong however if it is just one sided then i would be questioning why not?

Meeting up with someone that to that point has been online communication is always going to be a bit neveraking but that will be down to you to decide if it's just normal nerves that everyone gets for meeting someone for the first time or because deep down you feel like he is going to pressure you into doing something you don't want to do.

At the end of the day it sounds to me like you hold all the cards, so as above, you are the centre and in full control just voice your concerns to him and see what he comes back with.

The main point to take away tho from myself is sending naughty pictures etc does not make you or anyone cheap... ever!! It's fun and enjoyable as well as self esteem boosting.

9

As soon as you feel something isn't right , you should stop, and I know it's so easy saying it, especially when like you said they are paying you compliments but it seems to be making you feel more doubtful and not appreciating yourself , lowering your self esteem

It may sound sweeping statement but I am sure lots of people can vouch for it , there are so many people out there for you to experience, don't just keep playing around this especially how it makes you feel cheap and no one else will want you. Also they might be getting some enjoyment , but you need to as well, without any shame feeling like you're having

Looks isn't everything, a heart of gold and a great sense of humour is the sucker for me (as a guy) so what you think you see in the mirror isn't what everyone else sees

When looking for someone, don't take it and yourself too seriously and you'll have guys queuing around the block to appreciate you in person and give you that excitement too :)

10

It almost sounds like you have been enjoying this for what it could turn into, not actually enjoying the current situation. If you are still happy to receive compliments, enjoying the knowledge that you are providing pleasure without any expectations then you have no reason to feel guilty or shamed. If however you feeling like you don't want to continue providing what you are providing for what you are currently recieving in return then you may be best to step back and review the situation.

It is not a good idea if your are unsure but containing because if I do this then eventually our situation might become this, if you enjoy the situation wholey in the current state then that doesn't seem too much of a problem.

Just my opinion and as you know I'm just as inexperienced x

11

Thank you so much to everyone who has responded. I deeply appreciate the opinions and advice that has been offered. You are all lovely people.

In regards to my current dilemma, I have been contemplating the advice and I have been in touch with the person and he has agreed to phone me this weekend. I think this will be a really clear indication of his character and allow me to judge for myself whether I want to continue with this or not.

Also he has sent me some pictures of himself (nothing explicit, just pictures of his face and chest) so I feel it has been reciprocated.

It has been very fun and exciting but I still feel quite unsure whether to meet up with him or not (he lives a bit far from me but says he is willing to travel out) but the impending phone call should help me decide.

Thank you so much to everyone once again. ![](upload://ez5kOkpKXRZOxjavAURYmQxVTau.gif)

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You're very welcome, I hope all goes well!!

13

Sounds like a brilliant start PinkVixen, I hope it works out, let us know how it goes!

14

Hi all you lovely people. Just thought that I would post an update on my current situation. Well after getting in touch with the man in question, I have decided to carefully progress with things but I am going to take one thing at a time. I may decide to meet up with him in future but for now I am keeping my options open and just enjoying living in the moment. But rest assured that I won't rush into things and I would still need to be absolutely certain before engaging in any potential sex. Thanks again for everyone who responded to this thread.

15

Being open sexually, even promiscuous doesn’t make a woman cheap nor is it an indication of a woman’s virtue. Bottom line, if you are enjoying yourself, have control over what you do and don’t share, and are not putting yourself at risk then nothing else really matters IMO.

16

Glad things are working out and you're being sensible PinkVixen x

17

This happened to me earlier this year, it didn't end well. Online guy, different country, not been complimented in a LONG time, teeling me he loved me etc. He used to make me sex chat with him, i didnt want to, and i'd say no over and over, but he'd take everything i said in a sexual way and i i'd eventually cave and just do it to get it over with. He kept asking for pics, not even naked ones but just body pics, i wasnt comfortable to do that, he did ask to see my boobs multiple times, and i felt like i owed him so i caved.

I took the only picture i've ever taken in my life that was kind of explicit, it was to show him my nipple piercing, i had a seethrough bra on, mesh stuff i got from here. He would NOT stop after that, he wanted all sorts of nudes, did the whole "you'd do it if you loved me" and "i feel liek youre not who you say you are and might be catfishing me" crap, and i got backed in to a corner. I refused any more pics, and next thing i know he's of with some other girl. Bad part was, we had a bunch of mutual friends in a group chat (we met online gaming and were one big group) and he said a LOT of horrible things about me to all of my friends, my only friends, before deleting the chat so i couldn't defend myself.

2weeks alter she ditched him, he messaged tryin to crawl back, didn't realise what i had etc, but i wasn't falling for it, Cue him asking me again for pics, even resending the one he'd already had. i said no, relieved he no longer had it and couldn't show anyone. Till he slipped up and told me he had it as his screen saver. This was 4 mnoths ago, and i'm still paranoid he has that picturee and could show all my friends, and i'd me humiliated.

I am genuinely scared by my inability to enforce my boundaries, as much as i want to say no, and hope in future having got burned i'll bebetter at it, but honestly i think i could be guilted in to anything.

I feel violated, disgusted by myself, and struggle to look in the mirror as a result of this guy, and im scared of the future. I reallyhope thinggs nd better for youthan they did for me.

18

VirginAngel I'm so sorry to hear about your experience. It can be easy to be strong until you are actually in that situation. I sometimes think myself lucky that I didn't really have a strong desire till much later than most (hormone stuff, or lack of rather) as I am not sure I would have had the confidence to stand my ground if put in such a position.

Self worth comes with age to a certain extent, whilst there is absolutely nothing wrong with sharing photos or chat or anything make sure you know your value first and that the other person will treat whatever part of yourself you choose to share with the care you deserve.

Take care of yourselves ladies (and gents of course)

19

VirginAngel wrote:

This happened to me earlier this year, it didn't end well. Online guy, different country, not been complimented in a LONG time, teeling me he loved me etc. He used to make me sex chat with him, i didnt want to, and i'd say no over and over, but he'd take everything i said in a sexual way and i i'd eventually cave and just do it to get it over with. He kept asking for pics, not even naked ones but just body pics, i wasnt comfortable to do that, he did ask to see my boobs multiple times, and i felt like i owed him so i caved.

I took the only picture i've ever taken in my life that was kind of explicit, it was to show him my nipple piercing, i had a seethrough bra on, mesh stuff i got from here. He would NOT stop after that, he wanted all sorts of nudes, did the whole "you'd do it if you loved me" and "i feel liek youre not who you say you are and might be catfishing me" crap, and i got backed in to a corner. I refused any more pics, and next thing i know he's of with some other girl. Bad part was, we had a bunch of mutual friends in a group chat (we met online gaming and were one big group) and he said a LOT of horrible things about me to all of my friends, my only friends, before deleting the chat so i couldn't defend myself.

2weeks alter she ditched him, he messaged tryin to crawl back, didn't realise what i had etc, but i wasn't falling for it, Cue him asking me again for pics, even resending the one he'd already had. i said no, relieved he no longer had it and couldn't show anyone. Till he slipped up and told me he had it as his screen saver. This was 4 mnoths ago, and i'm still paranoid he has that picturee and could show all my friends, and i'd me humiliated.

I am genuinely scared by my inability to enforce my boundaries, as much as i want to say no, and hope in future having got burned i'll bebetter at it, but honestly i think i could be guilted in to anything.

I feel violated, disgusted by myself, and struggle to look in the mirror as a result of this guy, and im scared of the future. I reallyhope thinggs nd better for youthan they did for me.

VirginAngel, I'm so sorry you had this awful experience. The guy that I'm in touch with once asked me if I could send him a video clip of myself but I made it clear to him that I wasn't comfortable with doing that and luckily he respected that and hasn't asked me again. No one should ever make you do anything that you're not completely comfortable with.

Please don't feel disgusted with yourself. This guy you were in touch with is the one to blame for putting pressure on you to do things you weren't entirely happy with. Unfortunately some people can be really manipulative and have a game plan and in the heat of the moment it can be so easy to give in to the pressure especially when someone showers us with compliments and makes us feel special. If a person really respected you, they wouldn't have treated you like this and made you feel like you had to go through with it. You deserve better.

As for myself, I'm going to see how it goes but only do what I feel comfortable with. If I ever do feel pressured than I will end it. It is ok for the moment but it is still quite early days.

20

I cant really give much advice on this sort of arrangement. However just be careful about pictures/videos paticularly explicit types . After all you don't want these sloshing about the web, which can sometimes happen .Make sure you have full control of any material.