Hi,
I'm 34 single woman, and over the past 2 years have become very good friends with a 23-year old woman I know through work. We'd been chatting for a few months at lunchtimes, when she started asking me advice about her boyfriend, presumably just because I was older, though my love life is pretty disastrous - I've been single 5 years!
Anyway, my friend ended her relationship, and joked that she was going to enjoy 'wild times' for a bit before becoming involved with anyone else. So for the last year or so, I've been 'tagging along' and being friends with her has really made me feel younger and better about myself - I was starting to feel a bit middle-aged and frumpy. But we go shopping together and she suggests outfits that I would never have chosen myself, but when I get them on look really good, we go for nights out dancing and chatting to guys, and sometimes she just comes to my house and makes a fuss of my cat and we watch telly.
Easter time L. said she wanted to go on holiday and asked if I wanted to go with her, which I did. We booked an apartment in Gran Canaria, she had the bedroom and I slept on the sofa bed in the lounge, so we each had our own privacy, but we'd go round the town together and sunbathe at the hotel in the day, and go clubbing at night. That's something esle, I hadn't been clubbing in years before I got friends with L, but when I go out with her I dont feel self conscious about my age or my looks at all and just have a good time.
On the last night of our holiday, we went to a club as usual and got chatting to two good looking guys from London. They were in their 20s and they were obviously both keen on L, I did feel like a bit of an 'add-on' at that point, but L was keeping me in the conversation and was trying to get one of the guys (the slightly less good looking one!) to take more of an interest in me. We were drinking for a while, and I was certainly a bit tipsy, L dragged me to the ladies and suggested we ask the guys back to our apartment. I think the drink had made me a bit braver so I said hey, why not, and thats what we did. Well to cut a long story short, we all ended up in the bedroom, having sex on the big bed that was in there - initially her with the better looking guy, me with the other one.
It was the wildest thing I've ever done in my life, but here's my problem, I was finding myself as turned on by my friend as by the 2 guys we were with. Once it was obvious that L wanted to go all the way with her man, I wanted to have sex too almost to prove to her that I could be as daring as her - I was really turned on seeing her do it and her seeing me. There was one second I keep running over in my mind, my guy was on top of me and I turned my head and saw L gently riding her guy, and she looked at me and gave me like a 'conspiritorial' smile, I felt so turned on I actually came, which probably made the guy who was on top of me's night! Later we swapped partners, and I got more into the better looking guy and not so much into peeking at L, but when we were lying in bed afterwards, I couldn't help looking at L and feeling turned on by her. Then we all fell asleep in the bed and got up quite hungover the next morning.
Since then, L's just been carrying on as if nothing happened, it was just one of those things a young girl does on holiday. We do the same things, have lunch, go shopping, go drinking, she comes to my house every so often for tea, but I'm really struggling because I now secretly want to have sex with her. We didn't 'interact' with each other at all when we were with those guys, but it's like a new level of friendship when youre both naked and having sex next to each other on the same bed.
I have no idea whether she's bisexual at all, she's never mentioned anything, but I'm thinking that no woman can be entirely straight if she's happy to be seen having sex by and seeing another woman. I never thought I had any lesbian feelings at all until this, but now I can't stop thinking about the idea of having sex with my friend. The only time I've mentioned our 'adventure' on holiday was asking if she'd got in touch with the guys we met and she said 'don't be silly', as if it was obvious this was a one-off holiday thing. When she was at my house, I really wanted to steer the conversation to see if she wanted to go to bed with me, but I'm too scared of being rejected and losing the friendship.
This whole business has been exciting but also painful as it's made me asked questions about how I feel about L and also about my own sexuality, which I never thought was an issue before - I wanted a boyfriend/husband, I always fancied guys and I enjoyed sex with guys (on the rare occasions I get it!) Now I want to sleep with my friend and in one way it's almost like torture that I can't tell/ask her.