really wild/sexy experience on holiday with my friend - now I want her


I'm 34 single woman, and over the past 2 years have become very good friends with a 23-year old woman I know through work. We'd been chatting for a few months at lunchtimes, when she started asking me advice about her boyfriend, presumably just because I was older, though my love life is pretty disastrous - I've been single 5 years!

Anyway, my friend ended her relationship, and joked that she was going to enjoy 'wild times' for a bit before becoming involved with anyone else. So for the last year or so, I've been 'tagging along' and being friends with her has really made me feel younger and better about myself - I was starting to feel a bit middle-aged and frumpy. But we go shopping together and she suggests outfits that I would never have chosen myself, but when I get them on look really good, we go for nights out dancing and chatting to guys, and sometimes she just comes to my house and makes a fuss of my cat and we watch telly.

Easter time L. said she wanted to go on holiday and asked if I wanted to go with her, which I did. We booked an apartment in Gran Canaria, she had the bedroom and I slept on the sofa bed in the lounge, so we each had our own privacy, but we'd go round the town together and sunbathe at the hotel in the day, and go clubbing at night. That's something esle, I hadn't been clubbing in years before I got friends with L, but when I go out with her I dont feel self conscious about my age or my looks at all and just have a good time.

On the last night of our holiday, we went to a club as usual and got chatting to two good looking guys from London. They were in their 20s and they were obviously both keen on L, I did feel like a bit of an 'add-on' at that point, but L was keeping me in the conversation and was trying to get one of the guys (the slightly less good looking one!) to take more of an interest in me. We were drinking for a while, and I was certainly a bit tipsy, L dragged me to the ladies and suggested we ask the guys back to our apartment. I think the drink had made me a bit braver so I said hey, why not, and thats what we did. Well to cut a long story short, we all ended up in the bedroom, having sex on the big bed that was in there - initially her with the better looking guy, me with the other one.

It was the wildest thing I've ever done in my life, but here's my problem, I was finding myself as turned on by my friend as by the 2 guys we were with. Once it was obvious that L wanted to go all the way with her man, I wanted to have sex too almost to prove to her that I could be as daring as her - I was really turned on seeing her do it and her seeing me. There was one second I keep running over in my mind, my guy was on top of me and I turned my head and saw L gently riding her guy, and she looked at me and gave me like a 'conspiritorial' smile, I felt so turned on I actually came, which probably made the guy who was on top of me's night! Later we swapped partners, and I got more into the better looking guy and not so much into peeking at L, but when we were lying in bed afterwards, I couldn't help looking at L and feeling turned on by her. Then we all fell asleep in the bed and got up quite hungover the next morning.

Since then, L's just been carrying on as if nothing happened, it was just one of those things a young girl does on holiday. We do the same things, have lunch, go shopping, go drinking, she comes to my house every so often for tea, but I'm really struggling because I now secretly want to have sex with her. We didn't 'interact' with each other at all when we were with those guys, but it's like a new level of friendship when youre both naked and having sex next to each other on the same bed.

I have no idea whether she's bisexual at all, she's never mentioned anything, but I'm thinking that no woman can be entirely straight if she's happy to be seen having sex by and seeing another woman. I never thought I had any lesbian feelings at all until this, but now I can't stop thinking about the idea of having sex with my friend. The only time I've mentioned our 'adventure' on holiday was asking if she'd got in touch with the guys we met and she said 'don't be silly', as if it was obvious this was a one-off holiday thing. When she was at my house, I really wanted to steer the conversation to see if she wanted to go to bed with me, but I'm too scared of being rejected and losing the friendship.

This whole business has been exciting but also painful as it's made me asked questions about how I feel about L and also about my own sexuality, which I never thought was an issue before - I wanted a boyfriend/husband, I always fancied guys and I enjoyed sex with guys (on the rare occasions I get it!) Now I want to sleep with my friend and in one way it's almost like torture that I can't tell/ask her.

Hi HelenUK,

Welcome to the forums :)

I would personally say that if she wanted something sexual to happen between you, then I tbink something even as small as a kiss would have happened that night on holiday.

I feel like I should also mention that having sex when your friend is in the room is quite a common thing these days. I've never ever done it because I think it's disgusting, but I do have friends who have done it. I've had a female friend that has had sex with a man in a double bed when her friend was asleep in the bed!! And I've heard quite a few other stories about it from other friends. I have asked them about it, and why they've done it but they just say because they wanted to have sex. I've also noticed it going on with a lot of reality TV shows genrally on MTV! It actually really shocked me how common it is.

To be honest with you, I wouldn't bring it up with her and risk ruining your friendship, but you have to ask yourself if you can continue having a good friendship when you have these feelings, you might end up torturing yourself. You could try dropping into the conversation that maybe you had a dream about a woman, or when you were younger you wanted to experience it, or anything really! Just make something up to test the waters and see how she reacts to it.

I hope you manage to work something out :)

Good Morning Helen and welcome to the forums :)

I think you might get some pretty varied advice on this subject and I think only you will know after reading through any adivce given how you need to proceed to be true to yourself and to find a resolution your are happy with.

As a bi-sexual woman I have had more than my fair share of crushes on inappropriate people, mostly straight women, but I would also include some guy crushes in this as well. I am one of those people that can't keep it in. I have to say something, it is always hard and the risk of rejection is always there. But I just have to get those feelings out.

Off the top of my head I can remember doing this with 3 ladies, 2 totally straight, one straight but very tactile, used to old y hand and kiss me hello on the lips (it was college though and these seemed common place then). All of them turned me down :( bad times, but they all did so graciously, none of them hurt my feelings and all of the friendships survived.

However, on the plus side, I have confessed feelings to others and been greatly rewarded for it. So being his way has paid off, more than it has not. What I've gained from being brave and sharing my feelings is worth those times I have been rejected.

I always find that a letter/email is the best way for me to convey my thoughts. You can really make sure you get your wording right, and it gives them time to process it slowly, without knee jerk reactions.

I think so long as it is presented as how you feel and not what you expect it should go okay. At the end of the day, it is usually very flattering to know somebody finds you desirable. Even if you cannot respond in the way they would like.

Good luck and I hope this works out for the best x

+1 Mrs - pretty much agree with what you said.

I hope it all works out for you.

Just a thought, you have become very close friends and that's fantastic. It's entirely possible that your attraction to your friend is not born out of sexual desire, but rather the fact you have developed a closeness as friends - you said it yourself - she's made you feel young and care-free.

I think my first thoughts would be to deternine whether this sexual attraction is unique to your friend, or whether you find yourself aroused or attracted to other women. If you do, then perhaps that's something you can then explore with other people. If it is only your friend, then I worry you may commit yourself to a life of torture if you continue to lust after your friend, who as Mrs said, if she was going to explore same-sex sexuality, it would have happened on your holiday - I think you might just be causing yourself more pain than necessary, and perhaps maybe it's time to perhaps slow things down on the friendship, to give yourself time to move on.

But if you really want to know where she stands, I would go with what Mrs said. Perhaps the next time you have a conversation, just say that you had a dream about having sex with a woman, and that it felt exciting and gauge her reaction.

I wish you all the best! x

You only live once. Don't spend it regretting things!


Sum Sub wrote:

You only live once. Don't spend it regretting things!

Argh! Why didn't I just say this instead of sharing my sad tales of unrequited passion and rejection :/ That is basically the underlying message behind my response, lol. Damn my need to use many words instead of few! x

Whilst it might seem that 'if she was interested something would have happened in that bed' you yourself only realised your interest later. She might be in a similar situation, not realising a possible Sapphic interest existed, so not pursuing it.

I personally think that describing those moments of shared closeness in that bed, and the questons it then raised, plus your confusion, would be an honest and natural thing to share.
You yourself are not sure how it might all pan out, but these thoughts are with you now. If you share intimate or v private thoughts already then it is natural to share these.

No matter what, my best wishes to you (and your friend).

Thanks everyone. Thought I'd been a bit weird for even doing this, but it's like L is a different generation to me, maybe it's quite natural to her. To be honest, I'd never done anything like have sex with a stranger on holiday, and I had two in one night! It's like just without really trying, her personality pushes me to try things I haven't before, whether its something as simple as wearing a new type of top or something as wild as this.

I did kind of think I wanted to do stuff with her while we were on that bed, but it sounds daft now because we were happy to have sex with both of them, but I don't think I could have 'made a move' on L with those guys in the room. I wanted to be intimate with her, but I didn't want to put a show on for these two men we'd only met a few hours ago. Yet I loved 'putting on a show' for L, I love that she's seen and heard me come with a guy and I've seen and heard her.

Anyway, thanks for the advice, what I may do is pick out a pic of an attractive celeb in a magazine and casually say 'ooh, she's pretty, I wouldn't kick her out of bed ha ha' and see how she reacts. If she's horrified I could say I was joking and hopefully move on, if she's interested she might say she didnt know I was into women and it might push the conversation on. I don't want her to be horrified though if she is totally straight, I don't want her thinking I want to pounce on her or something. But if she's open enough to share men and a bed with me, it's not like she's totally buttoned up or anything.

To be honest, I was pretty buttoned up before this. I'm not sure if I'm bisexual or not. Since all this, I have looked at other women in a different way, thinking 'would I?' like I do when I see an attractive man, but I just don't know. I know it would be easy to with L. I do love receiving oral from men, and to get it from L would be something special, as well as kissing her and touching. If I think to much about it though I get too frustrated so I'd better just test the water and see how it goes! Thanks anyway.

At the end of the day it's a gamble, and you're the best placed of anyone to guess how she might react in the event that she doesn't want you.

But people tend to regret the things that they didn't do more than the things that they did!

I don't think it's just lust. Before this ever happened, I was really happy to have made her as a friend. We have a similar sense of humour, we like a lot of the same things, we have a giggle, it was why I was happy to go on holiday with her. I feel more comfortable around her than a lot of the boyfriends I've had, well I did until we had our little adventure with the 2 London Boys in Gran Canaria. Now I get flutters even if she wears a low cut top or something and keep thinking about what we did. It's daft, I even undid a button on my blouse before I met up for lunch with her the other day, then fastened it again when I went back to my own desk. I doubt she even noticed and I'm not even sure why I did it!

I think if she was interested, it would be quite easy for me to slip into the idea of a relationship with her, but I know she doesn't want a relationship with anyone at the moment.

Hi HelenUK, I can totally relate to where you are coming from. Many years ago before I was with Mr Scorpius I too had ‘feelings’ towards my friend. I would not class myself as bisexual, but I was just really curious and wanted to try everything once.

It was really difficult for me too, as I didn’t know how to bring up the subject. We used to have girlie sleepovers and also went out clubbing together, shopping together, and did each others make up etc. Sometimes when we went out we would dance with each other a bit more sexily, much to the pleasure of some of the guys – lol

She was really sexy and the more time we spent together, the more I felt that this could actually maybe happen. After a night out together, we had yet another sleepover, and I decided to be brave and start talking about men and stuff and about how I bet they would love to see 2 girls together. She also started saying that this sounded like a huge turn on and that she had always wondered what it would be like to kiss a girl!

So, to cut a very long story short, we decided to try a kiss and one thing led to another and we slept together. For me personally, I was pleased I experienced sleeping with a women, otherwise I would have always been curious.

I guess I am echoing what some of the other members have said in that life is too short not to take a chance. Your friend does seem quite open with her sexuality, so I really don’t know – just bring up the subject in a subtle way and see where it goes. As LadyS said, it is very flattering to know somebody finds you desirable. Good luck xx