Red flags or not?

Sex Tips & Talk
1

I’ve broken up with the first partner I had after 20 years of no one, it lasted about a year. So I’m wondering if these things that I thought were odd, actually are. (I am a perimenopausal F)

  1. Never telling me that I’m pretty or beautiful. He did say sexy though.
  2. Not wanting to look at me in bed. It was kind of a relief though, since he looked older when lying down–like a different person, even. So I wondered if my face did the same…
  3. Performing oral while facing towards my feet.
  4. I told him he should make an effort to get me to orgasm and he said “you take forever.” With his ED, he didn’t always cum and it wasn’t fast either. The 2 times I’d gotten close to O, he stopped and said he needed a break. Did not come back to try again. How long have you worked to get your partner to cum?

I imagine I’ll add on after some thought.

4 Likes
2

Perhaps not red flags in the abusive sense, but definitely selfish. “You take forever”? How would he have felt if you said the same to him about his ED? Not too great, I expect!

Not wanting to look at you or care for your pleasure tells me he was likely only in it for himself and possibly wanted to fantasise about someone else during sex. Goodbye and good riddance, he’s just made room for someone who will care about getting you off too.

Best of luck.

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3

Most of those things seem very selfish, which i believe is indeed a red flag. Sounds a bit like different expectations from this relationship

4

What was your relationship like did you do things together did you support each other, seems there might be loss of love in the relationship.

Sorry to hear this I feel for you, doesn’t sound it was a good relationship to be in.

5

Sounds a bit of a hypocritical jerk to me, they do exist…sorry, I had to deal with a woman that had some of the nerves so her clit severed (botched episiotomy) and hadn’t had sex after the birth of her son, I tried lots of things and we eventually found something that worked. don’t know why I added that bit

6

As others have commented, he sounds selfish.

My wife sometimes takes a long time to orgasm. I simply take my time.

7

It sounds like he treated both you and sex as a means to an end, rather than something that should be mutually enjoyable for both of you.

Calling you sexy but never beautiful or pretty is also definitely a red flag, shows compliments came with sexual intent and never with just admiration.

You’re most definitely better of without him, a good spicy audio or book and a vibe sounds like a much more satisfying time until a partner who knows how to give a proper compliment (and who doesn’t need to be asked to make an effort ) comes along.