My girlfriend has problems climaxing from all kinds of stimulation. I can get her close to orgasm with both clitoral and internal stiulation but she will stop at the point of orgasm and it takes another 5mins to get there again only to have the same problem..
This can repeat for over an hour before she either becomes frustrated with herself or feels bad for being hardwork. I personally dont mind how long it takes but it really seems to get to her.
She has had a bad relationship in the past where she was abused and made to feel her only job was to please her ex and didnt enjoy sex.
I consider myself to be a fairly compasionate lover. She is always up for sex and really enjoys it upon till this point meaning it often ends inher frustrated.
I have spoke to her about it. I've also just bought her a new rabbit for her birthday as hers broke a year ago so im hoping this may help a little.
However I was wondering does Anyone have any suggestions on making her feel more relaxed besides the obvious foreplay/massages/time etc etc?
Hmmmm this is a difficult one, I had an abusive ex to so I understand her situation, has she had anyone to talk to that has been through the same thing? This often helps
I can only suggest maybe she tries self play for a while away from you she needs to learn to open herself up again
After abusive relationships some people put a mental block up without even realising
As a couple I would suggest leaving off sex of any kind for a while take the pressure off
Try just being together cuddle on the sofa, share baths, give each other massages, lay naked together and just explore but in a non sexual way, talk to each other if she doesn't want to talk that's fine some people find it difficult to talk to a new partner about an abusive ex
I don't know how long ago this all happened but getting over any abuse is a long prosess and if she's holding it all in, it will take longer but everything will need to be done on her terms, I know that's hard on you as you just want to help her and that makes you amazing but these things can't be rushed babes
It will take time but you will both get there eventually x
It used to happen occasionally with us, mrs g just used to say "Ive lost IT" cant advise from a womans point of view but as a guy dont make it a big issue cuddle have a drink go out for a meal theres always a next time.
I think it goes in waves ....if you dont get to the top of the wave wait slow down and start again with the next one.
Is her abusive relationship something she has talked about? Not necessarily to you, but to friends, family, even a counsellor? Things like that will always take time to get over, but they'll often take more time if someone keeps things in and lets them bottle them up inside.
I have to agree with everyone else, being in much the same situation. I found that there was usually pressure to orgasm, which makes it worse - sex can be very very enjoyable even without that. Have the toys worked, or improved things?
I've heard of sex therapists, but I'm not sure what they do - maybe that would be an option for her? Damage like that gets stored in the body, so a therapist working physically would probably have more impact than one working verbally. Obviously you're doing everything right, but there's that mental block getting in the way - and it will probably do her a lot of good to work through that abuse and finally be free of it.
I find knowing someone is wanting and waiting for me to orgasm really stops me from being able to. It's a lot of pressure and especially as I talk to a number of men who told me they would dump a girl if they couldn't 'make' her orgasm because they would never feel the sex was good or that they were good enough.
It actually turned out I was relaxing myself out of the orgasm because there I was thinking 'relax, relax, relax' and willing my body to be relaxed and that was stopping it from happening.
It was only when I meet someone and he never mentioned orgasm at all, I felt no pressure (I must admit I was a little drunk the first time) and also he did push me past the point I would normally stop someone one because when I went to push him away he kissed me and started asking me why and asking me questions and disrtacting me from what he was doing just for that extra minute or so and that was enough to set me off.