I’d always go for safe sex over bareback unless I know the person and trust them enough.
1 Like
I’m 100% monogamous and my wife and I are mutually each others’ only sexual partners. She was on the pill for just a few years and then we had 10 years of condoms/NFP-ish and pregancy before I got snipped. Now at about 6 years of totally raw sex and no regrets.
2 Likes
I go bareback, but only with my current girlfriend and we don’t have to worry about STIs with each other because we both are clean and gets checked and tested if we think something is wrong.
1 Like
Always bareback, the only time I have used a condom is when my wife had a yeast infection and did not want to get it passed to me. I did not orgasm with it on as I am usually slow to cum anyway, and the condom changed the feel enough I could not. I have never had one night stands or other un committed partners so safe sex was assured.
1 Like
@Latestr8 I’m similar with regards to the feel difference. My dick gets and stays erect for longer without a condom. The Cumming sensation I find is more intense for me when Cumming bareback.
Unless Cumming on my lovers feet I like to cum inside
1 Like
Bareback post vasectomy and its great. One time hav used condoms and taken it off halfway as a thrill and being naughty
2 Likes
I had a very interesting conversation with my husband about this topic yesterday. My husband and I are both ENM (though he hasn’t found anyone else as yet and I don’t think he’s that bothered). On the topic of bareback sex, I expected him to say “absolutely not” to anyone outside of our marriage, which might have caused some issues as breeding is also a kink for my other partner and me. I was clear that if all was good (ie if the other woman and I were known to each other and on good terms as both my partners are, both had been screened etc) then I wouldn’t have an issue with him having bareback sex with another woman, but I would be worried about a woman who pulls the “I’m on the pill” when she’s not. Basically, my issue wouldn’t be jealousy — it would be trust, and the ramifications that such deceit would have on our marriage.
1 Like
Sorry but if i was in your situation i would not trust anyone. Ok they can be tested and be clear but that is then. Can you really trust that they are exclusive to you and no one else. Also the pill situation if hubby ended up with fathering a child with someone else where would his loyalty lie. If a woman is determined to steal your husband she will be deceitful, nearly happened to me many years ago, but he told me about her, a colleague of his who tried it on with him after her divorce, he was strong and turned her down but in a ENM relationship that could have been a disaster. She stole someone elses partner in the end. Although hubby stayed friends with her which i found difficult. We were invited to her wedding and yes she did get pregnant before they were married as i remember the baby being present at the wedding and the reception along with the child she had with her first husband.
1 Like
We’ve both had partners try to sleal us from the other (“cowboying” and “cowgirling” as it’s sometimes known, though some use “cowpersoning” to keep it gender neutral). Both relationships ended in disaster for the outside parties because we both chose one another, and will keep choosing one another over and over again. It’s a prerequisite for both of us that any other partners respect our spouses. No respect? No deal.
I do trust my other partner, he understands how important communication, respect and consent is and he would never do anything deliberately to hurt either of us. He values us both as friends above all else and friends don’t hurt their friends.
As for another woman, I think that would be the question. Right now it’s not happening and to be completely honest I don’t know if it ever will. My husband said he’s been envious of seeing how happy I am with my other partner but there’s a difference between “aww that’s sweet” and “I need someone too!”, he’s just not that driven to find someone else and I am his number one woman. To be completely honest I wasn’t looking for anyone else either but my partner set his sights lol.
1 Like
@Tenshadesandme with regards to the lying about being on the pill, luckily I’ve not been in that situation and to be honest it’s something I never really considered ever happening. That being said all my sexual partners have been prostitutes so I’ve just presumed they have been on something with regards to birth control.
If any of them wasn’t I guess I got lucky. That being said 15 of the 32 years I’ve been using prostitutes I used the same one.
1 Like
At least you have that understanding and have got through it once although the experience seems to have put your hubby off trying for himself again.
When my hubby was made redundant in 2010 this woman tried to get him to get a job where she worked after she was also made redundant a few years before, So i know they were still in contact then. He didnt apply as far as i know but i think she would have tried again had he done so. That was during the period i completely lost interest in sex so not sure if it would have been the same outcome as before. But to be honest i would have put my foot down had it come to that.
1 Like
With prostitutes if they’re not insisting on barrier methods and they’re consenting to barrier-free sex then I think it’s reasonable to assume they’ve taken some preventions themselves. There’s not even only the pill, there’s IUD, injection, implant etc, so they may have longer term protection that they don’t have to worry about regularly. It’s just that the hormones in a lot of them doesn’t agree with me, and hormone in the pill I take does.
Yes I think it has. I think the experience put both of us off involving another woman/couple again to be completely honest, but we have to remember that not all women/couples are the same and we may meet one one day who is much more grounded and respects us both. I’m bicurious, so there’s a very real chance that if the woman he meets is also bisexual/bicurious then that could be a thing. Not guaranteed and again is not something we’re actively seeking, but it remains a possibility.
The problem I find with people is that you can only control yourself, not others. I hated how my ex-metamour behaved — she often tried to inject herself in my time with hubby, would encourage him to masturbate over her while I slept next to him, expected editorial rights over my blog and would ignore him for hours over some perceived slight. I told him in the end that if that’s what he wants for a partner then the best of luck to them both but I wasn’t going to hang around and be disrespected by her, or watch her disrespect him. She was gone within a week.
We both now have veto rights over metamours, but they’re only to be used in exceptional circumstances. We see it like the nuclear option of polyamory - it exists, but its almost unthinkable to consider actually using it.
1 Like
From the moment me and my OH (now hubby) started having a physical relationship we used condoms up until he had his foreskin snipped. After that he had alot more control over his orgasms and wouldnt cum without warning so we stopped using them.
1 Like
First time me and the mrs had sex it was bareback, she hates condoms
3 Likes
As mentioned previously in other threads when me and the OH got together we started our sex life together using condoms, she later tried the pill, but couldn’t get on with it. We them moved to the method of following her cycle, on safe days we would have sex without a condom and I frequently came inside her, on the high risk days we either abstained or I pulled out and came on her stomach. We were successful with this method, but it isn’t for everyone.
1 Like