Setting the mood

What are some of the ways you set the mood for yiur partner?

My OH has been struggling to come up with ideas to set the mood to get into the mind set of trying new things

She gets nervous and Sikes her self out

Last night she tried a new anal toy on me witch evidently hurt right away I said ouch! ( was due to the angle )

Soon as I said that she immediately hesitated and the mood was gone she was to nervous and anxious!

Anyone ever expirance this or somthing similar and how did you guys over come the nervousness and anxiety?

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My apologies totally forgot about that part I worded it wrong had few other things on my mind aswell thank you for editing that for me

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The below are my thoughts - which can be used either which way.

Personally for me, I start the day with a cup of tea for my OH. She loves it!
I’m constantly telling her how beautiful she is, how sexy I find her, and specifically tell her how hot certain body parts of hers are, especially the parts she’s not so confident about.

My OH loves to feel connected before anything sexual, most of the time anyway, so I do my best to do that.
I’m always thinking, what can I do to help make her day easy? What can I do to make her feel special? Over the years that’s become easier as we’ve talked and opened up about what the other person does that we appreciate, but in the first few years it wasn’t easy. (I don’t do this purely for sex either :joy: although that’s an added bonus of course!!)

I communicate when I would like to have sex though because it’s not often at the forefront of her mind - I’ve learnt to not take that personally, it’s just the way she is and she’s trying to get better at that - so although we don’t often have spontaneous sex, we do plan it in as best as possible. This makes it easier to set the lighting to warm and moody, to put loads of candles out, make the bed nicely, make sure we’re both looking our best for the other one and build up tension as the day goes on. We’ve had to talk about it a lot over the years, especially to ease her anxieties and insecurities.
These are some of my thoughts although I might have more… but just be patient, steady and try to keep communication open and honest whilst maintaining the aforementioned points.

Hope this helps and answers some of your questions and if not, just ignore it! :joy::joy:


Tha k you for your reply will deffently consider some of these points

In my experience sometimes setting.the mood too early can be a bigger turn off rather than a turn on. Or you both are up for it then life happens, kids won’t settle off, or the whole build up gets too much and it feels “forced”

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You are so thoughtful @James89! Some excellent suggestions there :+1:


Ah thank you @Saffron18 :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

It doesn’t take much for either of us to get in the mood :face_with_hand_over_mouth:
With him, if it’s while he’s at work, I’ll send him a very explicit texts throughout the day, just explaining what I’ll do to him that night. I’ll send him photos too. When he’s at home I’ll sit on his lap whisper in his ear and massage his bulge. Or if he’s standing I’ll press myself into him, kiss his chest, again massage his bulge :smirk: and tell him what I’m going to do, my other hand I’ll run my fingers through his chest hair.
With me, he’ll send me explicit texts and photos. And he’ll stand behind me and press himself into me, grabbing my hair and tilt’s my head back, kissing my neck and talking dirty to me. His other hand on my groin :drooling_face:

@Spennymack I try to make a date with her by text if I am at work early in the morning, maybe thanking her for looking after the kids and getting them out the door the day before. Sometimes I will send her something corny like a animated GIF of me doing something dumb and/or sexy or simply straight out ask her “if we can have a date night followed by a soak in the tub tonight…”. She knows what I am getting at and she needs at least the day to prepare mentally.

Springing sex on her is usually a hard “no” especially after a long day.


Lingerie :bum3: It’s hard to get him in the mood, but if I prance around in a little thong or lacy panties, that usually does the trick :laughing: A lot of these replies are all romantic and sensual, but I just need set enough of the mood to get his dick hard because I’m always in the mood :see_no_evil:


@PKH Jealous…

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Great ways for setting the mood is to have dim mood lighting, fresh bedsheets, an arousing scented candle, maybe a warm bath before play or even a lovely massage with some sensual body balm. All these can greatly contribute to relaxing the mind and in turn calming anxiety during sex :slightly_smiling_face:


Yup! That’ll do it! :joy:


I recommend a smart bulb to get good mood lighting, if the lights on it’s easy to feel exposed/self conscious and if they’re off you can’t see anything :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: sim the lights, maybe go red if you’re feeling a bit more erotic :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:


Ooo red lights, very saucy !

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We actually just purchased a bunch of the red strip.lights to go under the bed and under our liberator aswell as the floating shelfs !!! We also got a couple of red bulbs to go into the lamps :stuck_out_tongue: super satisfied with the changes it makes and adds


These are some great tips. I too think it is extremely important to do some nice thoughtful things. I love it when hubby compliments me & praises me for sorting the kids out, rather than just expecting sex. In my/our experience, I’ve found that my man has definitely had a higher sex drive, I’ve not had the time or energy to even think about it in the past. I’ve been too busy working then sorting kids out. But now kids are a bit more independent & I’m working less, its the other way around. I’m a horny devil & he’s quite often too tired from working. So I remind him of this role reversal & he now totally understands how I was feeling for many many years.


Connection is really important as many people have mentioned but it’s also finding the balance between exploring something together (which can easily go wrong for 1 person) and enjoying something new together.
Something I keep coming back to is that you should both try to have a focus on your partner’s pleasure.

“What do you want me to do to you?”
rather than
“I want to do … to you”

If you both follow that approach you should both get exactly what you want in the way you want it.

It can be a bit hurtful to initiate and try something with a partner that they obviously don’t enjoy and you can feel guilty for bringing it up, it’s easier sometimes to explore a bit independently and make sure something feels good or make some changes to the way you build up or find a successful position etc. once you know it works for you you can share that with your partner and show them how to make it feel good for you.


Not sure why I imagine red lights as a setting for a horror ambience :joy: