I don’t normally talk about this, but I know how you feel. I too was in a previous emotionally abusive relationship, many, years ago, which totally screwed up my head. (He was very controlling in all the wrong sorts of ways!) I was a total mess, and felt like I was not worthy of anything good and felt as though I did not deserve happiness. This coupled with a very bad incident in my past left me with so many emotional scars…
Then I met the wonderful Mr Scorpius, and he helped me get through this with his patience and love, and now I am so happy and realise that I do deserve good things! It hasn’t been easy by any means, it has taken years to get to where I am now, and sometimes I thought I would never heal, but I really do feel that I am now much stronger than I have ever been.
I still have echoes from the past, but I try very hard to keep them there, and not let them impact me know – I have the occasional wobble, but when I do I talk to Mr Scorpius about it, and we deal with it together.
All I can say is that with the love and support of your partner, you will start to feel worthy of all the pleasure and love he can give to you. If you trust him completely, then please talk to him and tell him everything – I am so pleased that I opened up. If you don’t feel that you can talk to him, then please talk to a therapist, but you do need to talk to someone.
Don’t get me wrong it was very hard for me to do this, and it made things a lot worse in my head initially, as I felt so exposed opening up about it, as I always thought it was my fault and that I would be judged – but I wasn’t.
Please don't let your ex spoil what you have now, don’t give him that power. You are such a lovely lady, and I am so sorry that this happened to you - I am sending you lots of hugs and positive thoughts, and don’t forget that you are never alone as you always have your forum friends, who are always here for you xxx