Just a question out of pure curiosity, I also don't think there's been a thread on it so the responses might be interesting ... Does anyone have experience of using sex as a weapon to get what they what or has anyone been on the receiving end of it?
I'm also curious about the opinions from other people, most I assume will say its very bad.
So anything to add be it comments, thoughts or opinions on using sex as a tool or weapon?
Weapon-istic euphemisms also welcome...
I think there may be a lot of football or sex over the next few months across the UK lol. I've never had experience of it personally although I guess it could be a good persuasion tactic ;-)
Wizzie86 wrote:
I think there may be a lot of football or sex over the next few months across the UK lol. I've never had experience of it personally although I guess it could be a good persuasion tactic ;-)
Do you mean "I'll fuck you John Terry if you win the World Cup!" from an enthusiastic England supporter?
Sometimes Ad gives me 'happy blowjobs' after a particularly bad loss but to be honest this season some have been so bad I've turned them down!External Media
I think this tends to become more prevalent the longer you have been in a relationship, altho I could be wrong, but for me, towards the end of my last one, it got a bit of a chore so I did use blow jobs as currency to get other stuff.... Not proud of it, and in actual fact looking back it was the sign that the relationship was over but I didnt want to admit that....
Now am happy and in a totally different relationship it's not an issue....
I would never use sex as a weapon, i just couldnt do it and live with my conscience
i think there can be a lot of bad mind games used when it comes to sex and it can be very easy to get caught out with them if youre not aware its happening. for example the ex fuck buddy used to whine and winge at me about how terrible and sad his life was ( when in actual fact he had it better than most) and i'd go running to his so he could get his end away. I'm ashamed to say it happened a few times before i caught on to it!
call me cynical if you want, but now i tend to approach relationships trying to look at it through a third parties eyes and to be more aware of the kind of tricks and phrases people commonly use
WandA gets "cheer up" blowjobs when Liverpool lose and "well done" blowjobs when the win....as he said, turned them down lately though :( they're so bad even *my* blowjobs aren't enough to cheer him up ;)
I don't use sex as a weapon - but we do joke about what favours are "worth"
Ax
I've never used sex as a weapon or a way to get what I want...I think if I did I'd hate myself for it as well, just feels like it'd be far too manipulative, and reckon that doing so could cause a relationship to get rather strained in other areas pretty swiftly.
I think people sometimes use sex and relationships as an attack on the people they have in their own private worlds. Damaged people that is.
I would say that the most common example is when you get into a relationship or sleep with someone to attack girlfriends or boyfriends of the misty past. It's nasty way to use someone and it always ends in tears.
I think all sex, from one night stands to marital love making is wonderful. As long as there's joy in it and that joy is motivating it. But when it's used by someone as a way to vent bitterness, it's just souless. And for me, souless sex is the definition of terrible sex.
Besides how it can hurt others, it only serves to be self destructing if you lash out at ghosts, because it's your own time your wasting.
I see this with people on the rebound who hop into another relationship too quickly. Everyone knows a great couple who work and they're usually not the people who use their relationships to 'demonstrate' something. Nor are they those people who only choose lovers that they think will gain them some kind of approval.
They're subtle little traps to get into, not big stonking stuff like affairs but they're toxic all the same.
Luckily I've been able to tell when a person is like this and I've had more than a few lucky misses.
I've never used sex as a weapon and never would. I've been used and manipulated though and it's not a nice feeling, still I learned my lesson and wont happen again!
xxKPxx
Having said sex shouldn't be a weapon - I do agree that when there are occasions I don't very much feel like it I'll get the ball rolling anyway - part of being in a committed relationship I believe and just cause I'm not feeling it doesn't mean he deserves to miss out...plus once we've started I almost always change my mind on what I feel like :P
Ax
Tigerlilies wrote:
I think all sex, from one night stands to marital love making is wonderful. As long as there's joy in it and that joy is motivating it. But when it's used by someone as a way to vent bitterness, it's just souless. And for me, souless sex is the definition of terrible sex.
Well said
KittyPurry wrote:
I've never used sex as a weapon and never would. I've been used and manipulated though and it's not a nice feeling, still I learned my lesson and wont happen again!
xxKPxx
*Hugs*
Ax
i occasionally joke that if my OH doesn't quit smoking or get me a drink that i won't have sex with him, but I never do it seriously, plus he knows i don't have enough self control for that....last night my lack of self control lead to us having sex 4 times lol i see no point, i'd be depriving myself of something i really enjoy.....
we "use sex as payment" for bets or games, like if you lose you have to give me a bj or if i lose i have to go down on you ect ect.
but its only ever used as joking, messing around, fun naughty times ;-) anyway if it was for real id owe him about 200 plus bjs! (i dont know when to stop uping the stakes :P id be crap at poker lol)
i can see some people might use sex as an incentive to get the other person to do something, like say if you do the washing up for me your find me in the bedroom in them new undies you bought me... ect ect and i think thats ok if you have a normal happy sexual realtionship, it just adds a bit of fun to boring normal house work.
but say your not getting on very well and dont like having sex with each other that anymore then i think its out of order and is going on the mind/power games.
so to answear your question, for me it depends in what context, if its just something to do with having a little bit of fun and you both happy with that, then it fines, as in a way you both concenting to whats happening but if the realtionship is having problems ect ect then no i dont think its a good thing and not something i would do.
Dxx
Yes definitely, especially when they want to buy something 
I suspect that sex is used as a weapon in relationships primarily by WITHOLDING it from a partner. “Conditional” sex is probably the worst decision a person can make in a relationship. “I’ll have sex with you if…” or “If you (insert activity here), then I won’t have sex with you” statements are the death of intimacy.
Probably a bit backwards, I met someone a few times at gigs, we ended up going on a date, didn’t carry on dating because there wasn’t chemistry, but we had some mutual interests, so met up as friends a couple of times. I was quite clear that it was as friends
We would meet up have a nice time doing whatever…
The first time we met up she tried it on, I didn’t make a fuss but made it clear that’s not the kind of friendship I wanted.
Second time she tried it again, I told her we would have to stop if she was going to carry on.
Third time she didn’t try it on. I thought it had gone well and we were past it all…
then she started sending me loads of abusive texts.
My mental state at the time meant I couldn’t deal with any of this and completely removed her from my life. Not seen her since and my mental health improved pretty quickly after that actually…
