I’m after some advice as over the last 3 months I have had a massive surge in sex drive. I’m 41 and female. Had my hormones checked by GP and all is fine so I’m embracing this new found interest in sex and I’m feeling very much liberated, especially after finding this forum and being inspired by all of the chat and personal experiences. I’m so looking forward to exploring my body again and getting my sex life back on track after a stressful few years.
However, I’m finding that my husband cannot keep up with my need for more sex and I feel like a sex pest! The sex we have is great and it’s increased to 2-3 times per week from once every few months but I can’t stop thinking about it, so I would love more. I do masturbate but struggle for time (big turn off/orgasm block) due to young children and everyone being home (one child is clinically vulnerable).
I have started to talk to him more about sex in an attempt to continue moving forward with getting to know each other sexually again, and I think we are making really positive progress. How do I deal with being sexually frustrated?? I feel like a horny teenager! But also I feel a bit guilty when I prioritise masturbating over other life stuff. I also don’t want to put any pressure on my husband.
Thanks for reading, needed to get that off my chest! Advice appreciated!
Hi @Saffron18 , welcome to the forum.
I had something similar happen too when my hormones rebalanced and going from zero to 60 libido wise is a real jolt. I found after a while mine stabilised to something manageable and i got through the horny teenager stage (perfect description by the way).
Im in a shared house too and finding alone time is really hard. Sneaking a Bullet vibe into the shower or bath is a good option. Before getting up or going to bed can work well (Especially is your hubby is happy to watch or help).
Hi and welcome @Saffron18 .
Speaking as a man with a 41 year old horny wife, I often found it difficult to keep my sex drive up and our sex life was more infrequent than yours.
However last year, when she’d asked for some camisoles for Christmas, by chance I stumbled on Lovehoney. I bought her a very tame but very sexy cami set and it changed everything for me.
We started regularly having sex again and spent weeks together looking at (and buying) all of the different lingerie, toys etc that we could wear and use together, that was almost as much of a turn on as the sex!
Now she regularly dresses up and I spend days looking forward to what she’s going to wear next or what our next purchase is going to be (as well as now looking forward to the sex again). So I would say to try and involve him in some sexy shopping, pick out some things together that are going to get you both excited and give him something to look forward to (rather than it just being him trying to keep up with you).
It more than worked for me, our sex life is better than ever and certainly more interesting than ever! Hope this helps a little.
Its good to know that you want sex more than hubby, as others have said embrace it and talk with hubby. It may be he cannot deliver himself all the time but ask if he is willing to watch / help during masterbation.
The idea of dressing up in lingerie would certainly get me going even more so that may be worth a go as @bessnjen said.
This is a great place to hang out especially if you want to share. I find it such a relief to have a place where I can be myself and talk about things sexual.
As @bessnjen said, shopping for toys/lingerie is an intimate way to engage with each other. Lovehoney is a really good company: they ship promptly and their quality items come in plain boxes marked “LH Trading” instead of “Lovehoney”, which is good when there are others around your house. It’s lots of fun. I enjoy doing this together with my partner, and it makes him happy, especially when the items arrive and we can try them out.
I am having a sex drive surge too, and this works for us. I also masturbate quite a lot and am very open about it with my partner. I make sure to tell him in a playful way where he doesn’t feel it’s due to any lack on his part. Actually he enjoys hearing about it. Wonder if it would work for you? Hope you find good outcomes.
I can totally relate to your post, I have had a huge increase in wanting sex all the time this last few weeks, which has unfortunately happened at the same time as my partner is experiencing a lack of such feelings which is leaving me very serially frustrated!
I talked to him about it, and bought some toys and sexy underwear hoping that might help him, but it hasn’t so far and he hasn’t joined in, but at least its given me some form of release.
I did buy some of the lovehoney card games to play with him to try and get talking about it more, maybe you could try something like that
Thanks so much for your support and suggestions everyone. It’s a relief to know others have had a similar experience with sudden increases in sex drive.
I’ve bought a glass dildo from LH and some jiggle balls, which I’ve not really had chance to use yet - definitely a good idea to get husband involved with those though. Thanks for recommending the lingerie, I’ll take a look.
I think sometimes I’m a bit over assertive too in communicating what I want (naturally dominant) However, when we first got together 15 years ago, it was very much him initiating sex a lot. Perhaps I might try holding back and letting him do the chasing again. I quite like the idea of teasing him and withholding sex, but I’m not sure if it would tease me more than him at this point in time
Hi @Saffron18 & welcome to the forum
I’d embrace the high sex drive your having at the moment, don’t feel guilty for masturbating as it’s so natural & if it helps scratch an itch for a bit. Your husband might enjoy the fact that your feeling this way again & it might make him feel good knowing you still think of him in that way
I’ turn 40 next year & im still like a horny teenager my wife isn’t so much but we work around it, definitely talk & lovehoney will have something you can definitely buy to help with alone time. Hope you don’t mind me asking have you ever used a suction cup dildo?
My wife loves them especially because you can stick them against show walls, doors & just bend over & go wild! It’s worth it
Hey great first post and happy to hear of your sexual reawakening. Funnily it’s normal for all people to go through these phases of heightened sex drive as so much can effect our hormones on a daily basis that we tend not to realise it until we get a boost.
It was almost the same for me too, except it was a thyroid imbalance that killed my sex drive, and I don’t think I had a particular strong one anyway when I was younger. Got medication a few months ago and now it’s on the up! OH is enjoying the surge, and I’ve got more toys and sexy undies that I can throw a stick at!
OH isn’t keen on male toys (won’t consider Fleshlights, prostate massagers, etc) but likes to play with female-focused ones on me. I recently surprised him with this Satisfyer Couples Vibrator, which has tempted him a bit and has been lots of fun for us both during external play. Maybe u could look at getting something like that to use together?
I’m kind of in the same boat, minus the children and husband. Up until a few weeks ago mine was through the floor (like my mental health.) Now? Can’t get enough. Just need more money to treat myself to LH goodies…
I feel like this a lot with my husband We only have sex maybe once a week, sometimes twice, but I masturbate almost every day. I try to masturbate using different toys or different combinations of toys so it doesn’t get old. I try not to put too much pressure on him, but he always knows when I’m masturbating and that he’s welcome to join me
It’s a time of life I swear … I’m also in the horny teenager phase all of a sudden. Things get easier as before you know it life sort of gets in the way again but enjoy it and embrace it.
Yeah it does feel good to have things back on track. @PKH I’m the same about trying not to put the pressure. It’s so difficult to back off when you’re so up for it and I feel rejected sometimes when he turns me down, then I feel selfish for feeling like that. We are still working from home so I have to remember that he’s in the ‘work zone’. His finds his job stressful and he needs to think a lot and he has deadlines.
I would like masturbate more but having kids in the house 24/7 means I can’t fully relax until they have gone to bed.
@FortySomethingWife yes I’m thinking it’s an age thing too. I’m even hornier when I’m ovulating but it usually stops afterwards (almost like a switch!) Now I’m finding it gets less but is still high (for me). I’m totally embracing it I feel like I’ve got lots to catch up on!
I’m finding that I’m at a stage where I have to masturbate everyday and want sex everyday. My wife isn’t too fussed about sex but I am having solo fun at least once or twice a day.
I know what you mean, I feel that way sometimes too but now I’m getting used to taking care of myself and learning how to make myself feel good, and then whenever we have sex, I try to make him really enjoy it, so that he knows what treats he’s in for when he joins me
Hey. I’ve just turned 40 and I’ve had an increase in sex drive also. Like major increase. I have no womb but I have my ovaries and I was told id have an early menopause so im wondering if im in what they call pre-menopause. Which can have an increased sex drive.
Not easy when your kid is almost 15 and at home ALL the time and stays up same time as you if not later .
Add to the fact some nights I work till 10pm and my husband gets up at 4.40am everyday
my wife isn’t so much but we work around it, definitely talk & lovehoney will have something you can definitely buy to help with alone time. Hope you don’t mind me asking have you ever used a suction cup dildo?
We only have sex maybe once a week, sometimes twice, but I masturbate almost every day. I try to masturbate using different toys or different combinations of toys so it doesn’t get old. I try not to put too much pressure on him, but he always knows when I’m masturbating and that he’s welcome to join me 
I feel like I’ve got lots to catch up on!
but now I’m getting used to taking care of myself and learning how to make myself feel good, and then whenever we have sex, I try to make him really enjoy it, so that he knows what treats he’s in for when he joins me 
.