Me and the boyfriend of five years have a little, ermm, dry spell since our little girl came along! But we're determined not to end up one of those couples who only has sex once every six months in the missionary!
We've made a pact to start trying new things and spicing it up again.... we're thinking about making a list of sex resolutions, such as to buy more toys together or try have sex at least four times a week, hehe!
What kind of things have you guys done to get yourself out of a sex rut? Have you made sex resolutions like us? Got any good suggestions for ones we could set for ourselves?!
One thing I found helpful was to broaden my definition of the term "sex".
I realised that "sex" is more than just a penis in a vagina and includes all kinds of erotic intimacy such as mutual masturbation and infinite varieties of erotic touch. This realisation helped me to feel better about what I was comfortable with doing, and to do more of it without having to feel pressured into penis-in-vagina sex every time I got erotic with my partner.
I once worked out that I spend approximately 67% of my time with my partner cuddling or other kinds of affectionate touch, and that does a great deal to increase both our comfort with touching each other. It lifts the pressure of having to put a penis in a vagina which sometimes we didn't even notice was there.
You've already made A step forward by joining the OA , me and my OH have browsed the threads and the site together and it sets off allsorts of conversations. We've bought a lot of things from here that we wouldn't have dreamt of buying with our previous partners and also reading the reviews helps a lot. x because we are willing to try different things it means it doesn't go stale and we are closer as a result of being so open with each other x
I salute your enthusiasm and passion for your partner...I totally agree with Lubyanka that the best way to spice things up is by expanding your sexual repertoire beyond P.I.V. sex...massage, masturbation, dirty talk, passionate kissing sessions (like horny teenagers...kissing and groping but no actual sex), nude photography, watching porn, reading erotic novels, sending naughty texts/emails....think sexy rather than sex.
I also think a great way to make a sex life more satisfying is to talk about it: share your fantansies, give instructions during sex to get the kind of stimulation you want, if you think your partner looks particularly sexy in a certain pair of jeans...say so. I think the more you make sex and sexuality a part of your day to day relationship the more natural it becomes and the easier it is to just say "I saw [insert sexual desire here] on the LH forum/in a magazine/on TV and thought it would be fun to try. What do you think?"
I've got to say, I agree with Lubyanka and KP.....a turning point in my sex life was when I couldn't have PIV sex, it forced me to see that actually sex isn't all about penetration, it can be anything that brings you intimacy, a passionate kiss, a squeeze of the bum and a cuddle, a squeeze of the genitals during a lovely naked cuddle, some sensual oral, a massage, a good spanking, a sexy look.....and the list goes on.
It's all about appreciating the little things.
If you want a specific resolution - I aim to give my OH some form of pleasure every day, this usually takes the form of a blowjob but it can include just letting him come in my mouth after masterbating if I don't feel like giving head, or a massage if we both aren't in the mood for "sex"....I am lucky that my OH is very appreciative though, I would imagine some blokes may start to take this kind of treatment for granted after a while!
I also aim to relax, I'm working on relaxation techniques as I'm always too stressed to let go and enjoy myself.
And yeah, talking about fantasies and naughty texts throughout the day, even planning when you are going to have "couple" time (oooh I can't wait for Saturday, we have some lovely things planned for our "anniversary"!), can help get you in the right frame of mind so I definately agree with KP's point!....In fact I love all of KP's advice, they pretty much are all things that work for me!
My wife and I had a VERY dry patch - work pressures and several other things ...
After a very traumatic time we decided we MUST make time for each other - jobs be buggered! So we agreed to always be with each other one afternoon a week - children at school ... Sometimes sex was involved, other times a nice slow lunch.
We reconnected and 'things' are SOOOO much better. We still keep one afteroon a week just for us, but that is now the minium not the maximum!!! :-))
My wife and I had a VERY dry patch - work pressures and several other things ...
After a very traumatic time we decided we MUST make time for each other - jobs be buggered! So we agreed to always be with each other one afternoon a week - children at school ... Sometimes sex was involved, other times a nice slow lunch.
We reconnected and 'things' are SOOOO much better. We still keep one afteroon a week just for us, but that is now the minium not the maximum!!! :-))
We do this! Friday is our "meet up" day, we meet up after uni, go for a coffee somewhere, have a wander round town, a chat, and then go home for an early tea together and spend the evening just enjoying each others company....it's nice to get a combo of going out and staying in, sometimes a new setting helps the conversation flow away from distractions such as laptops (and lovehoney!).
