Sexual Exploration

Recently I’ve been thinking of swinging and it’s something that I would love to explore and potentially do. My partner I don’t think is really up for the idea but don’t know how to approach the subject, has anyone else been in similar situations? I would just like to explore more sexually

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If it is a hard no from him then you should respect his decision. I dont know about the type of relationship that you have but some people do not like to share their partners with anyone else.
Do you currently both play with others? If so he may be more open to it so you should just go ahead and ask but if you dont then it could be too much all at once for him to deal with.
I know if i asked my husband this he would go ballistic but then that is us and we know each other very well. Good luck with whatever you decide to do. I am sure there are others on the forum with more experience in this than i.

Your profile says you are a woman but your other posts seem to be from a male so not sure who i am responding to i think it might be the male. But in any case i would still say do not push if the answer is a no.

Do you usually talk comfortably about sex?Perhaps just bring it up as a concept initially to get an idea where she stands in principle.

If she isn’t ardently against it then you can say you’ve been thinking about it and you’d like to chat about what it might look like for you.

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We sometimes are a bit embarrassed about talking about sex which I am trying to overcome

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We found it just takes practice, with an open mind and a will to listen without preconceptions.

Purely my opinion, but if you’re not completely comfortable talking about your sex life, desires and boundaries then maybe swinging is too big a step right now.

Maybe focus on communicating and livening things up at home first. Have a read round the forum and I’m sure you’ll get lots of good ideas! :heart_on_fire:

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Thanks @ApolloSwallow! We’ve got a new wedge to try when I get home and a new bed arriving next week so looking forward to some hot nights on that

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Just ask them their thoughts on swinging and if it’s something they’ve considered

I’m going to second @ApolloSwallow 's thoughts here: if you’re not entirely comfortable talking about sex, you are definitely not ready to try ethical non-monomgamy.

I’m polyamorous, and being involved with anyone with any kind of insecurity can be a headache - many insecure people just don’t communicate in a healthy way. My first partner hoped I’d have a full-blown affair (rather than just an emotional one) with him so he wouldn’t have to tell his wife about me (he’s now divorced, though not because of me). My last metamour (partner’s partner) was envious of me: she said we were “sisters”, then tried to control my relationship with my friend-turned-partner because of her own fears, all the while manipulating him into guilt-tripping me for setting my own boundaries for her relationship with my Dom/husband whilst I got more comfortable with the idea of sharing him. She’d never communicate directly either; if she had a problem with someone, she would always ghost them until they apologised to her, or communicate indrectly through other people.

I know with swinging it’s a little bit different, but still - whether it’s a casual encounter or an ongoing thing, you need to be able to communicate.

Secondly, it concerns me greatly that you guys already have relationship problems. I saw this in my last relationship, something I call RBAMP - Relationship Broken, Add More People. My metamour admitted to me that she and my friend/partner were arguing a lot, and since joining us, they were both happier - we’d become their “relationship glue”. Guess who was now arguing more instead? Yep, us! Because she was manipulating us instead! I firmly believe she was attempting a “divide and conquer” approach: divide our marriage, kick me out of the picture, then move in as my replacement and leave me with her now ex, or “cowboying” as it’s called in the ENM community. Unfortunately for her, my husband said that he may have loved her, but she could never replace me.

Oh, and by the way, we haven’t argued since splitting from them! Or at least, not to that level of volatility.

Keep in mind that whatever you get, your partner also gets the same. It’s different if, like mine, your partner decides for themselves that they don’t want to see anyone else. You cannot force them to decide that, that would be unethical, only they can decide if they want to stay monogamous while you venture. So, if you want to have sex with other people, your partner also gets to have sex with other people, if they want to. Not comfortable with that? Agree not to have sex with other people, or give up on the idea of swinging entirely.

Oh, and don’t be tempted to cheat: the ex I didn’t mention arranged to meet someone behind my back, they didn’t turn up but I still packed him in the same day. Cheats never prosper.

I wish you both the best in whatever you decide for your future :slight_smile:

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I used to attend Chameleons in the West Midlands. I enjoyed a good amount of fun there but became annoyed at the endless line of single guys following any female around like a reverse Benny Hill end credits chase scene.

Going the first time was a bit nervy but the staff were very welcoming and warmed me up to the lifestyle. I ended up with a semi regular female “friend” who liked going, but not on her own.

Just talk it through with him.

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A couple of people have recommended there for a first time club experience, but that behaviour sounds terrible. Is that normal behaviour at those places ?

There were days when it was couples only, or couples and single ladies.
But on those days where single men were allowed it was a bit busy.
It is a safe environment though.

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Thank you that’s good to know it is safe.

It was recommended to us as we are naturists and not interested in dressing up formally or erotically and would prefer just to be naked while there, irrespective of if we decide to play or not.

Socially we are comfortable in any environment with clothed or naked people around us, but have never visited an adult club yet.

When it feels right give it a go.
I just mostly sat at the bar my first time.
Then had a look around and a quick sauna.

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