Sexual pen pals

Sex Tips & Talk
1

Over the last couple of years, my wife and I have developed an erotic hobby, and would like some feedback, advice and tips from others on the subject.

Sorry for the long post. It feels like it needs some explaining because it seems like we have stumbled on a fairly niche pastime - and we don’t know why more people aren’t doing it. Or maybe you are…

After registering and then making friends on a porn site, we got to exchanging messages (now emails) with a couple who are of a similar age, and share the same broad-minded attitude to sex - although they are more experienced and willing to physically involve third, fourth and more people in their relationship (which we are not).

Basically, we swap intimate details about our sex lives with them, and it’s honest, no-holds-barred stuff. This generates useful new ideas, but the main reason for it is it is so erotic to get such a privileged and comprehensive insight into somebody else’s real sex life. And at least as enjoyable as hearing about what they do is telling them everything we do and think about sex. It’s also horny to have a positive and creative influence over somebody else’s sex lives, without any physical interaction being necessary.

As well as messages, we have already exchanged a few pictures and short videos, and we involve them in fantasies (providing us with specific people with real names to include in group sex and other kinky scenarios, including some bisexual fantasies).

In the past we have done a bit of exhibitionism - partly for the pure thrill, but also because we got to thinking that although we had/have a great sex life, nobody in the world knows about it, and that was a shame. It’s a bit like the scenario of the falling tree making no noise if nobody is in the forest to hear it. So we saw exhibitionism as a kind of affirmation and celebration, and our pen pal hobby provides a similar pleasure.

Anyway: we would like to know of other couples (or even individuals) who have this kind of pen pal, and, if so, how the relationship came about, how you interact, and any experiences you have that could help us to develop it further. Or (even if you don’t have experience) do you have ideas for adding to the fun?

We would like to have the same relationship with a second couple, but it would be much easier to use a more direct route or specific website to help us find them (if there is such a thing), rather than having to filter out people on swingers’ and porn sites. They usually assume you are there for any other reason than the actual one, and rarely get the point.

Just to be clear: we don’t intend or expect to ever meet other couples. We are not swingers, but just want to find more people who are keen to talk dirty (but constructively) and swap genuine ideas.

PS We don’t need advice on security. We take all the necessary precautions, and we don’t actually know where the other couple live (apart from it’s in the UK), and vice-versa.

4 Likes
2

I would rather be having sex. We would not have the time for that. If it was a great connection and they were attractive we would want to me. Many couples or people will use skype or similar. That is not our thing either. It would feel more like a performance.

I see no issues with what you are doing. Everyone has their thing. If that gets you and your partner excited continue!

Would you have any interest in sharing some of the writings?

I listen to some erotic audio from time to time. I guess this is not that much different. You could create a erotic novel where one group writes for a bit and the other continues. It might be fun.

1 Like
3

We used to do something similar, with a couple who lived within travelling distance, but not too close.

We’d send some raunchy pics, and chat on WhatsApp, in general about sex, but as we got to know each other, more about other things.

We met and socialised a few times too, round town and in a sex club, but not to swing, but did mess around a little for the laugh, just playing around stuff.

Think they wanted more, and wanted to swing maybe?

With that, they let us down quite a few times too, and our relationship slowly parted to the point of losing touch.

Shame, because we miss being friends with them, and the fun that went with it.

Should find another couple again really, it was fun visiting their town too, staying in hotels and socialising with people outside our normal group.

But like you said, it’s where to seek such people?

1 Like
4

I also used this method of communication too, because a previous job meant I had to spend extended periods of time apart from my ex GF, it did work well for over 7 years, and it did hone up my communication skills, which is never a bad thing, I was transplanted to the US from the UK in 1984, we also had to have virtual sex, which sent us down the rabbit hole, but a good one.

1 Like
5

I run two blogs, my main one for kink advice, but a second blog that is more like a ‘diary’, that sometimes gets a little spicy. It’s not explicit, because the way I see it, most people understand the mechanics of sex, but it’s definitely sometimes steamy enough to get the wheels in motion.

There are quite a few blogs out there that do a similar thing, some of them spicier than mine. If that’s something you enjoy, you could try setting up a blog maybe? You don’t need to write long accounts, just share what you want to share. Before too long, someone is bound to come along and enjoy sharing you, without sharing you, as it were :slight_smile:

1 Like
6

This is always a problem with sexual pen pals. You have to manage expectations. I am sure if I contacted ours and suggested meeting up for sex, or even mutual exhibitionism/voyeurism (which I would go for, but my wife no longer would), they would jump at the chance. So we are careful to make it clear that that will never happen.

7

Good advice. Thanks.

I have only had a chance to glance at your blog so far, but will look forward to reading more as it is nicely written. And well done for adding to it so regularly and keeping it active.

1 Like
8

I’ve never had a sexual pen pal, but I kind of achieve the same with my blog. At least the effort gets a wider audience!

4 Likes
9

edited by mod

10

Ooh…that sounds cool.

i sorta have a pen pal but in saying that, we both know each other in real life except our RL interactions are purely G/PG rated while our online convos are :hot_face:

I wouldn’t mind a sexual pen pal especially one I don’t know in RL.

3 Likes
11

I think I’d like the idea especially if it’s someone you don’t know makes things easier i suppose :man_shrugging: give a man a mask and he will tell you the truth do love honey allow to message privately?

12

No it’s not that kind of forum anymore. You can follow people and that’s it. You also can’t have one on one chats within this forum.

1 Like
13

My Ex and I had another couple as sexual penpals arranged through a contact mag.They were pretty much the other side of the country with no desires to meet but for a good number of years we used to look forward to the once a month long and sexy letters.These letters would involve what we had done with each other and our exes and we would also write stories about the four of us and what we would do to each other if we met.We did exchange a couple of photos each time and once a year the girls would exchange their used knickers in a sealed bag for us guys to enjoy.The one year we returned them to each other with us guys having come over them for the girls to also have fun.We had a lot of fun with this.

3 Likes
14

Never heard of this idea, but I love it!

1 Like
15

The pen pal communication does sound like you guys are having alot of a fun, yes im a bit jealous and we would love to be able to be lucky enough to have that scenario for us as well. Would be something we could really get into so we will have to look into it to. Also if you have any luck or advice to share on protocols or how to set it up that would be awesome. We are currently in Australia so not sure how or where to look to be honest but will be definately trying. Wish you guys the best of luck and cant wait to hopefully hear some of your stories in the future. Thanks for your story.

2 Likes
16

Go for it. It’s a lot of fun.

One of the reasons for starting this thread was to find out how other people got into it, because there is no obvious or easy route, and we haven’t been able to find a suitable dedicated site for finding more people.

We found our pen pals by signing up as (free) members on a well-known porn site and using its chat facility. It no longer seems to work like it did back then (three or four years ago), but ‘chat’ meant typing in real time (not talking to) other members, usually with people who happen to be online at the same time. But you could also make friends and send them messages to read when they came online.

This developed into us swapping emails with one couple and sending long messages, photos and videos to each other.

If you try this route, be prepared to encounter a few timewasters, people who don’t really want long-term erotic pen pals (just some dirty talk for masturbation), or they are there for something else, including those looking to meet up. But you should eventually find people who are on your wavelength.

Our main advice would be to sign up and write a detailed and honest profile about yourself/yourselves, explaining what you are looking for, and stressing that you don’t want to meet up (assuming you don’t). Hopefully this will bring the right people to you, but you can also search.

Look for others with long profiles, so you know they are pretty articulate; you would be surprised how many people can only manage one-line or even one-word replies, and the majority don’t have anything in their profile description, either. Our rule is: if people can’t be bothered to write an informative profile, they aren’t going to be much fun to write to, so we block them.

If you are aiming for a worthwhile female erotic pen pal, it will be a big challenge, and only a small proportion of memberships involve couples who are both active on the site - because any porn site is obviously heavily biased towards members who are male.

Don’t rule anybody out, however. It can still be worthwhile to chat with single men, for instance, if they are articulate and interesting. And a high proportion of men on the site will be visiting on their own but will be in a relationship that they would love to write about.

We met our friends by linking up with a man who was happy to talk about his wife and their sex life, and it developed from there so that now we swap emails that are read by all four of us.

As I probably said before, having sexual pen pals is fun for a lot of reasons, but probably the best thing is the satisfaction that comes with sharing details of your sex life with other people. You know that time you had a great holiday or other experience and you couldn’t wait to tell somebody about it? Why don’t we do the same when the experience is sexual? Well, this is your chance!

It’s a shame that the forum rules prevent us setting up our own little group as there seem to be a few people on here interested in joining in, making the lack of a go-to website even more disappointing.

2 Likes
17

Thanks heaps for all the info , it still sounds like something we want to try , and as you said hopefully with the right person or couple, it will be as fun as were hoping for.
Yes it is a pity there is no chat function on this site so i could chat to you guys more and ask more questions. But i dont trust other sites and am happy here so will have to stuggle through it.
If one day your able to share some of your experiences i will be here ready for a good read.
Thanks again for the insight.

2 Likes
18

I’m afraid you might find our stories are a bit disappointing out of context, especially compared with some of the wild beasts on this forum! For instance, we have literally zero experience of sex with any other people, and we don’t really do fetishes.

Not that we haven’t been kinky and adventurous, but what we think our pen pals like best about us is we appear to be the archetypal couple next door - the kind that wouldn’t normally reveal any bedroom secrets, and they love bringing out our dirty side.

In return, we get an insight into their lives, including the fun they have with their friends, who they have swapped with a few times, over the years.

19

How did you have virtual sex in 1984?!

20

Thankyou for this lovely comment, I’ve only just found a chance to reply to you but I’ve been meaning to :slight_smile:

1 Like