Hi all just some advice please.
I had put some sexy items in my basket and showed it to my wife. Instead of saying that she likes them she rejected all of them and sais that she isn't interested in things that she cannot wear outside.
I'm really hurt by her view. Am I overreacting?
Please help
Have you caught her at a bad time of the month? A lot of women feel fat and unattractive before and during their period, mostly due to water retention, but also hormones. I would get her the items, by the time they come she might feel different about them, if not they can be returned.
No she can be very negative when it comes to sex.She feels that i should buy it for her to wear it. I don't have a problem buying it but i know she won't wear it like other items i have bought
Sounds like she's the one with the problem rather than you. Perhaps she should be reminded of the millions of husbands who don't buy anything for their wives - and here you are buying her sexy underwear!
I feel sorry for you - wish you all the best.
Does she have issues with her self confidence? Its only been recently I have started wearing more lingerie. Maybe she doesn't like the style you have chosen? Thee are some amazing bra sets on here that aren't only sexy but practical. She may feel like she's getting more use out of them that way?
I agree with Rosy! Maybe start with a not so intimidating bra set! I love this one:
http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=35800
It was night gowns so nothing deep
For what it's worth I think it's very sweet of you wanting to buy your wife beautiful lingerie :)
Thank you every much.
I hope that she will change. She can be very Vanilla but she can be very open with her friends and has bought sexy underwear for them. She doesn't think that woman should seduce their men
Please don't shoot me down when I say this but, does she ever accuse you of being sex mad etc.? It sounds to me as though she's rolling her eyes and saying to herself oh gosh he's off again. 😌
If it was me i would be thrilled but maybe you've caught her at the wrong time. I say buy it anyway and explain to her that you've bought it for her and not for you (even if you have she doesn't need to know that lol)
Just an alternative perspective for a second here. Do you think perhaps when she feels pressured by you to wear sexy lingerie, what she is hearing from you is "you body is not good enough, I want you to be sexier for me" ? People who aren't very secure can often feel like an attempt to change their style is confirming their fears, that their body isn't attractive, and hence act in a defensive manner, rejecting all items like you described. She could even be thinking "I'm not attractive anyway, so trying to be seductive would be ridiculous". Now if she picks something out herself when out with her friends, that's different, because it didn't come from her sexual partner she's free to explore without triggering insecurity.
Perhaps you should try reassuring her that she is sexy to you whatever she wears would be more helpful. Maybe then in the future she'll choose her own lingerie that she'd be confident enough to share with you. Just my 2 cents.
Some very good suggestions up there! Was just gonna repeat the same old mantra: communication, communication, communication :) Just ask her what she would like to wear, what makes her feel beautiful, why she rejects these things. Let her know how you feel while listening to her as well. Maybe she wants other clothes and not lingerie? Can't know unless you ask :)
Personally I don't think you should buy it anyway. I think that this should be handled as you'd handle other sexual limits and boundaries. If you were asking how to make her do a certain thing in the bedroom that she's uncomfortable with, then I think most of the feedback would be to respect that, so I would offer that advice on this situation too.
I do think you should talk to her about it and see what it is that she doesn't like about it though. Lingerie doesn't have to be worn to seduce, it can be worn purely for confidence reasons! Maybe she feels pressured by you just planning to purchase things without even asking before adding to your basket? Maybe she's self conscious/has body issues? Maybe she just doesn't want to? Regardless of her reasoning, I would respect it and talk about it with her. There might be a compromise afterwards, such as a nice bra set or some pretty hold ups?
Yes I will have to speak to her when the mood is right.
Ladies when would you think is the right time?
Not in the bedroom. Always avoid the bedroom for talk like this. Also try puck a tine where she isn't tired from work, having a well deserved rest or preoccupied. Aim for a time when you are alone together without any plans to go somewhere.
pusseypleaser wrote:
Thank you every much.
I hope that she will change. She can be very Vanilla but she can be very open with her friends and has bought sexy underwear for them. She doesn't think that woman should seduce their men
This plus the fact that you are saying that she's a bit negative towrads sex makes me think there might be a problem. Have you ever asked her why she thinks that? I know that I personally tend to be a bit negative, and feel objectified if I feel pressured to seduce my man and I feel nothing back from him. I don't think it's fair that only women are expected to wear lingerie. Maybe if you make her understand that the lingerie's not for you, but it's for her, so she can feel sexy and have nice things to wear, and maybe if you also purchased some lignerie for you and show her that it's not that "woman should seduce their man" and that it goes both ways. I'm just suggesting this taking into consideration that our reasons might be the same. However, I don't know what her's are, and you don,t know that either. So you should try to speak about it together, and try to put accent on her feelings, and not how you would like her to be more positive with sex and to wear lingerie for you etc.
Hope this may help
Firstly it is very nice of you to offer to buy nice lingerige! I know that when it comes to your significant other, i enjoy browsing to try and find nice things for them.
I could just be that you have caught her at a bad time, work related stress or even just a long day can completely change someone's outlook.
But if you have said before that she has previously had a negative reaction towards sex it could be that there is a different deeper issue that you two would benefit from sitting down and talking about.
All problems can be solved with a bit of communication and i hope that you are able to have a chat with you wife so that you both come out feeling positive about the situation.
I hope it goes well for you
i will keep you updated