Hello,
Me and my fiance were talking about a night out we have coming up soon and she mentioned that she would probably end up getting off with a girl, which she has done before on nights out. That was before we were engaged though, i said that to her and she said i knew what she was like before i proposed and that she is the 'free' type. I felt a bit annoyed about that but also really turned on. Is this normal? Is this a relationship on the turn? What do you guys think?
Cheers,
J
I think that whatever floats your boat is absolutely fine. Personally, I'm too posessive to be into open relationships. I and my OH have all sorts of fantasies but we are clear with each other that that's all they are and we both expect complete fidelity in our marriage.
At least your OH told you about it, but are you confident she wouldn't also have secret liaisons?
I understand you being turned out at the thought of your fiancée having sex with another woman (or man for that matter) but unless you both absolutely agree to the boundaries of your relationship, I think you'd be unwise to get married or commit to this as a permanent relationship.
Thank you for your reply.
I've been thinking about it non stop and what i think ive come to realise, is that if im aware and present, if not involved, then im on board with the idea. I think we're soul mates i really do, we work together well. One thing we're sure of, is that we dont want to restrict each other and are always up front about things and our feelings, it works really well for us. I dont feel theres other stuff im not aware of.
You're right though, agree all before actually getting married.
I hadn't even thought about the idea of it being with a man!
J
I would love to share my OH with a fit young guy but she is too resrved to actually act out the fantasy though I've given her permission on the understanding that I vet the other guy and am fully involved.
Its an unusual topic, at least to me anyway. I cant lie, ive watched my fair share of cuckold porn, always just seemed more a fantasy than reality. Im surprised your OH hasnt taken you up on the idea, to a guy i suppose it seems like shes been given a golden ticket, i guess its not something moat females would go for.
Have you tried turning the table and saying you would like to have sex with someone else?
You could even suggest a foursome swap. A fantasy for most but reality for only the select few.
I did think of asking actually, bit it just doesnt do it for me. I love being 100% faithful, shes the boss and she knows it.
Whatever floats your boat I say but and it's a big but - fantasy is a whole lot different to reality. Just be careful and don't agree to anything if you aren't 100% sure about it. Call me old fashioned but once I'm in a committed relationship I'm committed otherwise I would be single😊. Your oh may be the boss but it doesn't mean you have to agree to whatever she wants to do and to what could potentially be damaging.
Her being the boss is ok but......Make sure you're 100℅ happy with anything you agree too. I know a lot of people do have 'open' relationships but I could never do it. I love my hubby......Why would I want anyone else ?
In my eyes being 'free' is an excuse to cheat.....Maybe I'm just old fashioned xx
Youre completely right :) and she is respectful. I know if i asked her not to, she wouldn't, thats why she told me. She's just being honest with me about how she feels. At least thats the way i see it. I am tempted to say to her, before we get married, is there anything you want to experience, anything youd regret not trying etc. And suggesting she has some what of a 'free pass' briefly before we actually get married. I dont know whether she'd respect me less for it though.
I dont think its cheating if i know though, and she clears it with me first :)
Each to their own i guess. Personally (the male half) speaking I'd run the rule of it being by prior agreement only. As everyone says be 100% sure and be sure that you can seperate love and a relationship from a purely biological urge of sex. (Assuming that's what it is) I wouldn't be good with it being a regular thing with the same person, would be much more comfortable with one off liaisons and no attachment.
Aware I've simplified the argument but that's in essence my view of it.
That said, I've never had the desire to have fun without my good lady involved.
Great advice RC. I think thay its best off as one off liaisons, i feel far more comfortable with that idea. Perhaps when we're away for the weekend, on holiday etc. Thank you :)
A relationship is a partnership whereby both parties should be equally happy. If your happy with this arrangement then fine. However if you not totally happy then you need to have a chat.
As long as you both feel comfortable and content with the situation at hand I think it is completley fine. If you are unsure about anything do bring it to the table so there is never any confusion :) Best of luck
This is an interesting subject and one that got myself and OH talking about open relationship.
I agree with everyone else here what ever works for you but there clearly needs to be some boundaries put in place is when, where, how ften etc
I know I could never do this as I would constantly be stressing that OH will develop an emotional relationship or find himself comparing me to who ever he sleeps with.
Good topic!
First off is that your relationship is a two-way thing. It's never a case of her way or the highway. Equally if she wants to be with you, she needs to respect your boundaries too.
Me personally (and my wife is bi), I would find it a turn on to watch my wife have sex with another woman, even better if I could join in. But, I couldn't entertain the idea of an open relationship where she'd go off and have one on one sex with someone else behind closed doors, even if she was up front about it beforehand.
Keep an open dialogue, and never bottle feelings or 'go along with' something you're not 100% comfortable with, otherwise you could irrevocably damage the relationship.
Good luck!
Thank you everyone :) i broached the subject again and we're going to experiment with her and A another whilst im present, then go from there. Im comfortable with that.
Being "free" is fine...for a given value of "free"
If your both happy with it and it causes no emotional pain then I guess it's fine...
But it takes a lot of talking about to get the rules that everyone is happy with
Before you decide to do anything you both need to discuss every aspect and set boundaries so that everyone is completely comfortable
Otherwise there may be mistakes you can't come back from