So I purchased these today ... told my husband and he said
“I don’t know why you got them”
i said to try something new, he said so your going to tie me up, I said if you want or you could use them on me (what I really wanted lol) he replied not my sort of thing I’m not into that!
Guess we are going back to being vanilla! And the restraints are going back!
Oh oh but he is happy with the anal lube I brought
I bought these for me and the wife aswell not long ago. She wasn't 100% keen but did give them a go. Only lasted 10 minutes before she asked for them to be removed. She didn't like the feeling of losing control. I got them on offer so keeping them in hope she may want to use them at some point in the future.
Gotta love some anal lube. That's for his butt plug right?! ;)
You know you guys probably just need to have a chat. Talk about what you wanna do - maybe he sees the restraints as a threat because perhaps he doesn't know what to do and that is a threat to his manliness, maybe something else, either way you have a chat and you never know...!
Let him know how much exciting you find teh thought of him tying you up with teh restraints, how it turns you on, etc etc etc... Then see if it's not his thing huh :)
You don’t have to use restraints to not be ‘vanilla’.
Maybe restraints are a hard limit for him. Some people hate the feeling of being restricted or not being able to escape. Maybe he just doesn’t like the idea and that’s totally fine. I would talk through his reasonings and see if there is any kind of compromise you could make? Based on your other thread it seems like you are making suggestions to improve your sex life and he’s turning them down so a conversation may enlighten you as to what’s going through his mind.
Maybe you two should also look through the site together and pick out some things that intrigue you both?
I totally agree with Nat & Sum Sub - communication is so important. Maybe have a glass of wine and just start talking and tell him how you are feeling, and the reason why you want to explore certain things. If you don't feel confident or comfortable talking, then maybe write him a letter saying how you feel, and how much certain items like the silk ties excite you, and take it from there. Just get the communication going and see where it leads...
For me, being Dom for the first time, and I’m a natural Dom, felt like a massive responsibility and was even a bit scary, my inquisitiveness won out though and Mrs Pheebs is a brilliant sub. I think this is normal, especially when you love and respect and feel protective of the person you are ultimately taking control of (even if it is pre agreed). I dunno how I would feel now with the current media climate either. Being asked to Sub if that’s really not in your nature can feel like being locked up with no escape and is incredibly uncomfortable. You need to avoid either of these situations.
The guys above have summarised it well. You need to sit and talk, be totally open, cover all the safeguards, read up on what it’s like, maybe start with a blindfold or some form or restraint you can pop on yourself and take yourself out of like a slipped knot silk restraint or quick release handcuffs. Have fun in these, do all the work but just don’t push and see what happens?
But ultimately, if he’s not comfortable, don’t push it, bondage is meant to be fun and isn’t the be all and end all of sexploration.
Best of luck X.
Agreeing with all the guys above me here.
It also may be because as he's never used anything like that before he feels a bit embarrassed in case anything goes wrong or it doesn't go to plan. But that's where communcation comes in.. you've got to be able to laugh if it doesn't go to plan.
Maybe bring it up after a nice evening with a meal and a bit of alcohol flowing. Just bring it up casually.. mention perhaps trying it just the once to see how he feels afterwards. Just don't pressure him into anything.