Spreader bars and blindfolds are great for solo play. They can be put on easily and taken off solo, but restrict movement and the vision enough to give a feeling of being restrained and controlled. I’d say they’d be fun additions to your nipple clamps, for sure.
I remembered a thread on the topic of reluctant OH’s from last summer, which you might find interesting. I’ve quoted below (hope I’ve done this right).
Of course he doesn’t have to want to do anything he’s uncomfortable with. I just think it’s interesting to consider whether he may have the wrong end of the stick where it comes to peoples motivations for BDSM desires. It’s not about who we are in everyday life. It’s play. It’s fantasy. There’s irony. It’s not about wanting to be actually abused, controlled or hurt beyond what’s fun.
@Kitty-Cat01 I also have some BDSM fantasies I’d love to try with my wife. Same boat as far as I wouldn’t enjoy it if she didn’t enjoy it, but if she ever walked in wearing PVC or leather and demanded her slave (that would be me) get on his knees and do a she wills, that would take me straight to heaven. My wife is less kinky than I am but she’s legit been a trooper in trying new things. The BDSM scene though I don’t see her being into. At some point when I think the timing is good I don’t think she’d strangle me for bringing up some of the more tame ideas, but I also don’t think she’d get into it. Part of the problem is all my ideas come from adult media which is never realistic. The other part is I have some rather extreme things I’d love to try but I also feel like if I did try them I’d realize extreme BDSM actually hurts and I’d want to quit
As far as actual ideas, I have just a few:
You can try adding weights to the nipple clamps or the connecting chain.
How about clamps on your pu$$y lips? Lots to explore there.
*Have you considered a pu$$y pump? I personally find the resulting engorged womanhood attractive but I don’t know how that would look from a woman’s pov.
Simply wearing a “slave/pet/sub” collar can make you feel all kinds different ways
*Using larger toys for vaginal and/or anal training and expansion
*Vaginal or anal speculum play
*Urethra sounding/play
*Electro-stim play
*Nipple needle play
Female chastity devices
*Nipple suction play
Clothes pins placed around various sexual and non-sexual parts of your body
*Breast tying
*Candle wax play
Ball gag or any gag
*Makeshift scarf or necktie gag with your panties stuffed into your mouth
I can probably think of more but I’ve already kinda listed even some more extreme things. Please, please be safe.
*Though safety should be paramount in all play, these items I strongly encourage researching safe methods of doing if interested. “Figuring it out as you go” is not the best practice. Safe and sexy is infinitely better than injured and now less sexy
Edit: What does “OH” stand for? Google was less help than I had hoped
Edit2: If this post in any violates forum rules I sincerely apologize and am not trying to do so. Just reviewed rules and it seems ok to me but different people have different opinions. Please let me know, not trying to be disrespectful or break rules (saying this as I do mention some ideas that some may consider strong/extreme).
OH is other half, I usually use Misses to save confusion, we try not to do the acronyms but it is faster lol
Post seemed good and informative to be, I liked some of your ideas… Off to do some laundry
Hi @anon8189768, took me a while to write a response!
Exactly! I’m naturally a cautious person so I wouldn’t do anything that would actually harm me in any way. It would have to be non-marking / easily coverable if at all possible because I wouldn’t want to worry my OH (thanks @Toolman31 for explaining that one!) to worry.
I think trying things myself might actually be a good way to introduce it to my OH but it will take time. I’m thinking that, if he knows that I do it to myself then obviously I like it and he might be more open to trying things if he knows that he’s not going to hurt me. For example he is now totally happy with my nipple clamps because I’ve been using them on my own for a long time and he knows that it’s something that really turns me on! He is very aware of hurting me (mainly mentally) due to past trauma.
If you are doing some of these things you mentioned on your own, have you told your wife about them and how they make you feel? Is there something you could wear or use on yourself during sex so that she can see you doing it and get used to the idea rather than asking her to do something to you? You’ve probably already thought of this but I thought I’d mention it anyway.
Thanks for your suggestions, I won’t mention them all since I’d be here all day! I’ve tried the nipple suction thing and enjoy it, I’m thinking of getting some with stronger suction soon. Weighted nipple clamps definitely appeals and I’d not thought of the clamps on the labia but that might be good too, I’ll look into that one! Wax play, gags and collars are on my “to try list” too. I’ve seen a collar with nipple clamps on it which sounds fun. I’m not sure the visual of wearing a collar on it’s own would do much for me on it’s own but I’m up for trying!
Using larger toys is something that, in my thoughts / fantasies / porn etc, really turns me on but in real life I’m not sure about. I struggle with vaginal penetration annoyingly, most likely due to trauma, and psychologically larger toys just aren’t possible although I’m making good progress. I’m finding this really frustrating at the moment because I used to enjoy it and I know I would do if my body would just do as it’s told! I know I need to be patient but it’s still frustrating! Strangely, I’m totally fine with anal sex so I have a growing collection of butt plugs and dildos although I’m still on relatively small ones at the moment. I don’t want to go too big because I’d be worried I wouldn’t get them back out or I’d damage myself! I’ve still got a long way to go before I get to that point though.
As for needles, I wouldn’t go there! I’m awful with needles. Also, I’m diabetic so I have plenty of needles in my life already unfortunately. It’s not great having a needle phobia as a diabetic
@Kitty-Cat01 I’m happy to have provided a few positives in the list I have tried some of these but not all on my own. My wife only knows that I enjoy anal/p-spot toys but nothing else on the list. She also knows I enjoy adult media but has no idea about my strong BDSM fetish. To mention, two things on the list I have experimented with are urethra sounding and needle play; both were several years ago. For sounding I was only mentally able to get myself to go about 1.5" deep. Partly because not only did I lack experience, but the sound was straight and I have a bit of a curve going on and didn’t want to push it (ambiguously). For needle play I was not smart (I cringe at my former foolishness of not doing safety research). I tried sewing needles/safety pins near my nipples. Very not smart. They didn’t penetrate well and if I had been unlucky could have broken off or caused other damage. Today I’d try with hypodermic needles and sterilize the desired area first if I ever got around to trying again. I’d love to try this guy for sounding: https://www.lovehoney.com/bondage/electro-medical-fetish/electro-sex-toys/p/electrastim-uni-polar-5mm-small-urethral-sound-probe/a25302g38502.html as it combines both electro stim and sounding but again not sure how effective that would be for me personally.
For BDSM in general I’m about a 9/10 sub/dom ratio. My ultimate fantasy is being a slave to an “angry dominating Mistress”. The idea of being spanked or paddled till I’m red or raw for whatever infraction I’ve done is such a turn on for me, but again the fantasy might disappear quickly after the third smack lol. The 1/10 dom side of me strongly desires needle play with breasts and the wonderful womanly bits down below. There are a few other much less extreme things I’d enjoy on the Dom side too but the sub side is where I typically focus.
I’m sorry to hear about your vaginal struggles. I find it very intriguing that a woman enjoys anal. I always thought that was something only occuring in adult films. Without a p-spot I kinda figured ladies just did it to please their guy but didn’t actually enjoy it. I’m very curious, if anyone would like to share, on what they enjoy about receiving anal. Is it the naughtiness? The fact that it pleases your man? Actual sexual pleasure from anal penetration? I know I enjoy it but again that’s because of my p-spot.
Anyway, I’m off to take on the day. Hope all you LH types have an awesome day!
@Toolman31 Sincerely, thanks again for clarifying “OH”
It’s hard to explain really. It’s the psychological, naughtiness that made me want to try it. I still really enjoy the psychological aspect of it, for some reason it helps me to get in the sub mindset but that’s definitely only a small part of it. There are a lot of nerve endings around the anus so touching around or just inside can be very pleasurable, it certainly is for me. I enjoy the sensation of pushing something in slowly more than thrusting as it’s that first bit that feels amazing. I love the gradual filling feeling of inserting something slowly and the sensation of fullness when I use a butt plug. It’s also possible to hit the g-spot through the vaginal walls with the right toy / angle. With my OH I prefer shallow thrusting or deep slow, rocking movements. It’s something that lots of women enjoy but equally many don’t, in the same way that some many love it but others don’t. There have been a few threads about this recently, if you search for anal in the search bar some should come up.
Yes my wife is more of a shallow anal fan, big thrusts get too much for her and I think I hit some sort of nerve in there after a while as it gets a bit funny for her.
With your vaginal penetration, I understand there are some non physical issues going on but we usually hit a bit of a slow down on first getting in unless she is super wet or we have pre toyed the area. Highly recommend a thin round glass toy with silicon lub to get the front hole started. Makes further play in that area 10x easier and more present for both.
@Kitty-Cat01 If I may ask, and this could actually be a question only requiring a response in your own mind, but does your OH ever perform cunnilingus?
First of all I think it’s amazing for most guys, but also it could help relax things a bit and help get your natural lubricant flowing even if you don’t cum.
Just an idea to consider for another way to approach. Also making it clear there’s no pressure to make you cum will help him relax and just enjoy what you have to offer down there.
Simetimes I enjoy savagely feasting, sometimes I focus specifically on trying to make her cum, sometimes my mouth and her lips just enjoy a prolonged love making session until she grabs me by the head and pulls me up to begin actual intercourse.
Thanks @Toolman31, glad I’m not the only one. I have a couple of small dildos that I use which helps a bit. I do have a curved glass one which I used to love but it doesn’t seem to do it for me any more. I think it’s just a bit too big at the moment. All the smaller ones are straight which doesn’t really suit my anatomy especially when they are solid.
Not really, no, it doesn’t do much for me and OH isn’t really bothered although he’s shown a bit of interest recently which, so far I’ve either put up with or said no. Mainly due to embarrassment. I was talking about this on another thread recently. This one: question about oral sex. Saves me typing it out again!
Just noticed This collar and cuffs set. Restricts movement but gives you enough slack that it looks like it would be good for using solo (also has pretty design on it )
I searched it earlier and ive seen, 2 different collars, gag, hand cuffs, ankle cuffs, spreader bar and blindfold (might be forgetting something). So pretty
Ooh! I’d live a spreader bar one day. I must be careful not to get anything that would scare my OH though!
I think I have the cuffs, or at least a pair almost the same, they are super comfy and pretty. A bit girly but my OH likes wearing them anyway so it obviously doesn’t put him off. I’ll admit that I like seeing him in them too
I have a sensory deprivation hood with a built in inflatable gag that I love to play with by myself. Just having in on with the gag in my mouth gets me all turned on. I have also worn it while doing wax play. It really helps get in the mood as you can’t see the wax dripping on you very well.
Wow, that sounds really intense, i bet its alot of fun.wax play is definitely something id love to try.
Was flicking through the bondage section yesterday and noticed a few of the nipple to clit/labia chains have O rings in them, instantly started thinking how clipping some cuffs to that would work well for solo.
nipple clamps to cock ring chains too. Lots of collars with nipple chains and normal nipple chains though that could also work with a long connector chain
It’s really great! You have to be careful with the candles you use though. I use white candles since they don’t burn as hot as darker ones. Peeling the wax oof your skin afterwards hurts almost as bad as the initial hot wax drip too.
Ooh that sounds like a lot of fun! As long as there is some freedom of movement with the chains, that would work nicely for solo play. My biggest fear is getting stuck and having to call for help lol.
I’ve still got a long way to go before I get to that point though. 
