Hi everyone, Myself and my OH have both recently agreed that we would like to spice things up a little in the bedroom. We have been together for 7 years and both enjoy sex and have lots of it but we have never been too adventurous. I am just wondering if there are any couples on here that have been in a similar situation that can share some insight ?? Thanks in advance :-)
I would imagine many couples on this website have been in a similar situation which is why they use Lovehoney to help them out.
It might be helpful if you could narrow things down a little.
What sort of things have you tried out so far and what sort of things might you be interested in trying,
I think a lot depends on how adventurous you want to be. 🙂 We still consider ourselves quite vanilla but after a similar chat about a year ago we discovered a real love for sex toys. We just can't get enough of them. Rabbits, g-spot vibes, bullets, wands, suction toys, rumbly, buzzy, thrusting, ones that heat up, ones that plug into the mains, ones that stroke, whoosh beads up the sides, or flicker. The more unusual the better. And glass dildos are another firm favourite. 👍🙂
There are a couple of approaches you can take, watch some porn together and decide if what the actors are doing is something you'd like to try. It can depend on what type of porn you find, but light bondage, role play, sub/dom, romantic (think massage, candles etc) etc etc etc.
How open are you both to trying new things. A discussion on what you would like to try, would you would like to try but are nervous about, or absolute hard "no go" zones.
Toys can start simply like a scarf to blindfold your partner for sensory play, restrain their hands for light "bondage", a bit of slap and tickle with a household item (think wooden spoon or back of a hairbrush etc) can be a gentle foray into BDSM without having to go full gimp mode.
If you want to try sex toys, decide what it is you want out of them first. If its a M/F relationship, does the F want more / better orgasms, how does she orgasm (clit or G Spot), what works, that should guide you as to what type of toy to look for. It can be common for something like a bullet vibe to be recommended as a beginners toy, works on both a vagina and a penis but isn't over bearing in appearance.
Anal play can be introduced through things like a butt plug. Mrs Sen was (still is) firmly in the no camp for anal, but enjoys PIV sex with a butt plug in. I also opened up a few years ago about anal pleasure and this has lead to some self discovery of prostate pleasure.
You are only really limited by your imagination and willingness to open up to each other and try new things. Fear or rejection and/or embarassment about what we want to try can be a big hurdle to overcome, but if you discuss it in an open / mature way with a "no judgements" approach upfront, thats a start. These discussions can also best be done on neutral ground (in the kitchen, dining room, quiet spot in a bar that sort of thing) to remove the pressure of being in the bedroom and already possibly in a state of arousal anyway.
Good luck
Thank you so much for the responses so far! We purchased a few toys a few years ago and they haven't been used for a long time but we got them back out a week or two ago and have been enjoying the increased stimulation. I think another Lovehoney order is due soon so maybe we can both sit down together and put a good kit together whilst talking through what each of us likes the look of, having been together for so long we are very open its just getting to the conversation I'm the first place - great suggestion @senator for taking that out of the bedroom.
I find referencing the chats in the forums to be a really good conversation starter with Mrs Chimp (I must mention them at least 2 or 3 times day 🙂). Whether it's a forum member chatting about the latest toy they've bought, or a special offer they've seen, or something that's cropped up on the tester list that I've signed us up for, there's always something to talk about. Then there's the threads about activities we've not tried yet - squirting, pegging, rimming, role play, swinging, etc. Even though we've not fancied trying any of them out ourselves it's still interesting to read about, and if we ever read something that puts them in a new light for us there's the opportunity to say something and perhaps give it a go. 🙂
That's a very good idea ! May well give this ago tonight
Ian Chimp wrote:
I find referencing the chats in the forums to be a really good conversation starter with Mrs Chimp (I must mention them at least 2 or 3 times day 🙂). Whether it's a forum member chatting about the latest toy they've bought, or a special offer they've seen, or something that's cropped up on the tester list that I've signed us up for, there's always something to talk about. Then there's the threads about activities we've not tried yet - squirting, pegging, rimming, role play, swinging, etc. Even though we've not fancied trying any of them out ourselves it's still interesting to read about, and if we ever read something that puts them in a new light for us there's the opportunity to say something and perhaps give it a go. 🙂
Like Ian me and my both check out the Lovehoney site/forum. Me more so, and I bring up loads of things that I see/read. I run testers by her, recommendations, blog posts. They all have there target audience but as Ian says it makes for a conversation starter and whilst she may not like the idea of a certain topic she may say something like... but I would try this.
I'm one half of a long-term couple. I agree with others - talk to each other about things you might like to try. It sounds like you have already started that conversation.
You say you haven't been too adventurous, but enjoy sex, and if that is the case it can often make a big difference to explore female pleasure - this can be good for both partners because a 'ladies first' approach means she willl be very welcoming towards you if she climaxes first. Women can orgasm serveral times and one leads to another. If your wife climaxes best with external stimulation (oral or fingerwork), then I guess she would be very receptive to penatrative sex afterwards. She will still enjoy all the enhanced sensations it brings. Lots of couples enjoy prolonged 'foreplay' and often women find this is the key. Take time.
Try 2 or 3 different positions, and maybe add in a couple of toys if you are comfortable with the idea. A bullet vibrator works very well when it comes to enhancing 'vanilla', and it can be just as pleasurable for men if your partner plays with it around your sensitive spots - nipples, above and below testicles to stimulate prostate, and along your shaft. Lingerie, if your parner likes to wear it - it can be romantic or raunchy, it just needs to feel nice.
As others have said, reading through these forums might give you other ideas or just enhance that feeling of wanting to enjoy each other.
It is a process, in a long term relationship. Things can move quite easily from romantic / vanilla to a bit more adventurous / raunchy and back again, going with the flow, even in the course of one night, as long as you both communicate.