Spicing things up

My husband has a very high sex drive and i used to when we first got together but kids and life and now im mostly just a tired mess all the time. I love sex, i really enjoy being touched and i love touching him. I just seem to be in a place where i need to actively do or see something to be turned on whereas before i could just be randomly horny.

My husband doesnt complain (hes a very special man) and always tells me how amazing i am and beautiful and wonderful. Everysingle day he tells me im sexy. I just dont feel it! I feel fat and frumpy and the furthest thing from the sex kitten he sees lol.

The point of this long post is that im trying to spice things up from my end. Im trying to change my mindset and find my inner queen but i dont know how to actually do this?

He would love some sexy pics while hes at work but i dont know how to take them, were both quite into heated sex but how do i make the transition to light bondage? Ive never done dirty talk or dirty texts but i would love to learn. I guess i just need some tips and hints to get myself back to where i was and show him im still there somewhere.

I recently bought some lingerie from LH, the beginners bondage set, some nipple magnetic ball things, a tickle stick. I juat dont know where to start with using them.
We already have the standard toys, a rabbit, clit vibrators, a couple of different cock rings. Im not a fan of blow jobs and anal is a hard no.

Help me please :slight_smile:

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Firstly @Curiouswifey welcome to the forum, you’re in the right place as the folks on here are a wealth of information and will offer all the help they can.
My input to your post is just a simple relax and don’t worry, just let things happen and build up as you gain experience and confidence.

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@Curiouswifey i would suggest sitting down in a comfortable environment to have a good open chat. I have found discussing fantasies a great place to start, maybe make a sexual bucket list for you to complete. This is a simple way to spice things up.
Also there are plenty of sexy games and apps you can get these days for hot steamy nights in when the kids have gone to bed.
If you are in a position to do so you could plan a sexy night or two away, nothing better than sexy late nights and uninterupted lie ins to bring about the naughty fun.
As for the dirty talk everyone is different, however; Its totaly a confidence thing and I can only comment on what works for my wife and I. it drives me wild when my wife just tells me what to do (Not in a dominatrix kind of way) i.e. youre going to go down on me and make me cum. She may then help by grabbing the back of my head and playfully pull my face into her. She is often a bit apprehensive but as soon as my tongue makes contact her confidence grows as she has taken control, won and getting a great reward for it.
The other thing is if you say something silly or if something comes out wrong who cares as it makes a funny memory together. Youre partner wont judge you, sex is supposed to be fun so just go with it.
Sorry for the long rambling reply and I hope it helps.
CF x

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Thank you :blush: we do have nights away we try for at least once every 3 months (more if we can but kids :woman_shrugging:) but ive got into the habit of using them as an opportunity to catch up on sleep! Im going to book one for his birthday at the end of september and get into the naughty mindset! Xx

Thank you :blush: xx

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@Curiouswifey welcome to the forum.
I think this is something a lot of women go through. My wife has zero body confidence regardless of how muxh i tell her and show her how much i appreciate her body, despite being together for 20 years she’s still not 100% confident in showing her body off to me. She went through a stage of 2-3 years where all sex drive was gone which made things near impossible, she would no longer initiate anything as there was no urge and when i initiated she felt she had to perform her wifely duties which put pressure on her to perform whixh made matters even worse to the point she would dread any sort of inimacy.
I would say the best advice i could give would be to get yourself a few nice bits of lingerie that compliments your body and makes you feel a bit sexier when wearing it.
Whenever there is chance make time for some solo play,that way you csn play around eith different things with no pressure or expectation and it will improve your sex drive.

I’m sure if you pop some lingerie on and take a few provoking photos and send them to him his pulse would increase 10 fold, a cheeky text to say what you’d like to do with him if he was with you… Then have your toys there, ask which you should use as your thinking of him… I’m sure the back and forth texts would get hit and steamy quickly…
Introducing the new toys, have a chat on evening start to touch them, say no sex just working out how to use them so on the night there’s no fumbling around

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Hi and welcome to the forum. You have already started your journey by making a move and buying a few things including the lingerie. (A sure way to every mans heart). Have a look at one or two podcasts for some ideas but relax and make things fun and enjoy. If things go wrong laugh and joke and then move on. Good luck @Curiouswifey

Welcome to the Forum!

If you want to encourage sexual communication and look for new ideas, you could try the app ‘Kindu’ or a similar app. It’s really good as it presents you both with various suggestions each day, If you both say that you are into that particular suggestion then it comes up as a ‘match’ and you can then ‘wink’ to each other to turn the suggestion into action! If one of you says ‘yes’ and the other person says ‘no’ they will never know that you said ‘yes’.

It’s also a great way of getting into the mood by sending each other winks against sexual matches.

Hope it works out!

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I like this advice @FortySomethingWife
Great tips :star_struck:
Cheers!

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