Starting Impact Play

Sex Tips & Talk
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We’ve been together a long time now but our relationship has never been static.

For Locktober we are going to try increasing the Domme/Sub aspect and I have bought a leather paddle for her to use on me.

We talked about it beforehand and, as usual, her attitude is that she is happy to give it a try if it might give me pleasure. I’m a very lucky man.

Has anyone got any tips or advice for us before we begin this new phase of our relationship.

I want it to be as enjoyable as possible for both of us as I would like it to continue long after Locktober.

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We have a couple of riding crops and for me the greatest sensual impact is the sound, especially when I crop her when she’s wearing her wet look cat suit

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Omg @rockstar - I cannot believe you have never been paddled before

Choose a wide paddle if you want to have a nice sting - a narrow paddle is less pain but gives you a red bum quicker

Get a few - first time work out the pain each gives - I find start soft and work up to harder and harder - don’t buy cheap paddles - get quality or make them yourself- I have a number of wooden paddles made by my husband that I use on him

Now - these comments are for your wife /partner

This is where you have to take on a different persona - don’t be the caring loving wife - I choose to be the mistress / headmaster / boss - and stay in your character- as you spank him don’t worry about his pain - you are annoyed with him and he needs to be punished

Start by telling him why he is to be punished- I generally tell my husband to lean Over the dining room table - arms stretched out and I walk around the table and tell him what he is to be punished for - make it up or remember things he done recently- my husband often will do things during sex to get extra spanks - these include wearing my wet knickers or cumming in my knickers or cumming too quick

Dress for the occasion- black dominatrix dress works well

If he is a knicker wearer allow him to wear a pair of knickers during the punishments- my husband has 3 pairs he uses - a wet look full bum, a pink frilly type and white satin full back - each will soften the punishment - but during the spank pull his knickers down and tell him for being so naughty- it’s an extra hard spank

Spank in spates of 4 or 6 in a row and then pause - and tell him he deserves more - let him plead for mercy but tell him no - also and back chat or inappropriate chat will get more

Use different paddles and spank him by hand as well

Over the knee spanking works well but takes time to master

Also have safety words - red amber green - stick to these and red - stop - amber is good amount and green just do it

A good spanking takes about 30 minutes and spank until his bottom is red - don’t allow to bleed

And enjoy - this is pleasantly fun for us woman on men - and an impromptu spank is also fun - my husband comes in from work and I’m sat in the kitchen on a chair with a spanking paddle in my hand - and tell him to take down his trousers and get across my knee - just keeps him hard and happy
:paddle:

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If you wear wet look knickers while being spanked it sounds great too

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Hi thankyou for your clear and useful post @batjamboree.
The wife and I have been planning a spanking session with me spanking her (from our usual quick spank in bed). Love the idea of setting the scene and roles.
Thanks x

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I’ll get her some wetlook knickers too!

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Just spank sober - me and my husband just had a bath together after our weekend away and his bottom looks so sore - he admitted I was a bit hard last night but he still loved it

Start slow - talk dirty between rounds and tell them off verbally as well - stay in character- you are there to disspline try hem - my husband hates it when halfway through I ask if I’m being too hard - your job is to spank them

My fav sinereo is him as a maid and I bend him over to spank him for the seam not being straight on his stockings or being lazy

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Spanking doesn’t have to be about punishment or role play. It can just be for the pleasure of the feeling and it can be intimate and sensual. Have a chat further with your wife and work out what is the appeal is for each of you. Amazing kinky fun can be ruined by assuming your partner (or even yourself) should want to do it in a certain way

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I agree with talking to your wife about what impact play looks like for each of you. You need to be on the same page.

For me its very sensual, my favourite impact implement is his belt. Probably not what most people would class as sensual but I love the feel of the leather, the smell of it and how it feels when it licks my skin. I was blindfolded today and he recorded it so I could see it from his perspective. I was fairly stripey after this :wink:

Discuss the parts of your body that you would like her to focus on, preferably fleshy areas. Initially it’ll be experimenting with area, and how many strikes in the one spot you can take. How hard you want her to go, I recommend a build up and that you control the pace.

Don’t forget after care for both of you, you might feel a little emotional, take time to cuddle and soothe your skin and check that you’re both ok.

Make sure to discuss everything once you’ve had time to let it settle, discuss if you both enjoyed it, if you’d like to do it again and if so what changes do you want to make, if any.

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Hello there, I’ve been a kinkster for some 17 years now and as both Domme and sub, and converted the hubby to my wicked ways too :laughing: . I also run a kink education blog, so I’ll be happy to help :slight_smile:

First things first, a safeword is absolutely vital. It doesn’t matter what it is, as long as you both agree on it and will remember it. A lot of people, ourselves included, use the traffic light system - predominantly “red” for stop and “amber/yellow” for “slow down”, you can use “green” as well if you want to, for “I’m okay, carry on”, but not everyone does.

Don’t start on a person. This was some of the most useful, practical advice I was given. Place a pillow on the bed with a small square (1 inch, maybe a little bigger) of paper, and practice hitting that at first instead. It’s not as fun, I know, but it can help train your aim to avoid injury. Only when you can hit that square of paper consistently and repeatedly are you safe enough to move on to a partner.

Start on the safest place of all - the buttocks. They’e soft, they’re squishy, and they can take quite a beating. Be mindful to only hit the cleft of the buttocks, and never the top. If you hit the dimple where the kidneys are, or over the spine, you can do all kinds of damage.

Have a think about the kind of toys you want to use, and the sorts of experiences you want to enjoy. Please, please, for the life of me, please leave that six foot bullwhip until you have both space and experience. My husband took out a glass chandelier trying to crack a small whip and narrowly pinned himself and me to the floor with glass shards in the process. Start small and simple to begin with: crops, paddles, maybe a leather belt. You can move up to a small flogger if you like but learn how to use them before you do. Do not throw a flogger like a whip.

Never play under the influence of drugs/alcohol. Both can impact your awareness of safety/pain, and that’s just a whole level of yuck that nobody wants to deal with. I’ve seen too many play drunk or high and it honestly terrifies me for the community.

Finally, start SLOW. I know you may want to dive in, but your pain tolerance is almost definitely not where you think it is. Speaking again from experience here, there was a time I thought I could take quite a hard thwack from a that-doesn’t-hurt acrylic cane and I was sorely mistaken - the one and only time I’ve ever called “red” (with him). Start slow and gentle and build up. It’s a lot easier to build up than it is to repair scars and broken trust :slight_smile:

Apart from setting the scene stuff, and honorifics and clothes, I think that’s all I’ve got for now. I hope it helps and good luck! :slight_smile:

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Loads of good advice. Just a few things I want to add.

Our spankings are never about our real life. If I fancy doing the whole punishment role play, I just make stuff up. I would never want to change his behaviour (or he mine) to get or avoid a spanking.

As an example, the last one I gave him was “because last time he spanked me, he wasn’t hard enough, so I had to show him what it should have been like.” Total nonsense, but it got me a harder one later :wink:

We often use the “maintenance spanking” excuse. ie you haven’t been spanked enough recently, so you need an example to remind you of what you want to avoid. Another possibility is that I “confess” to something, and I only ever use the word “confess” if it’s made up tosh, so as soon as he hears that, he knows I want a spanking, so the role play kicks off.

I did a “petulant brat” character once, including dressing up, and that earned me a spanking, but again, it is all made up tosh and characters.

And sometimes, the real me just wants a spanking because I feel close when I get one and I want that feeling. Then, there are no characters and it is just him and me and a loving closeness and I adore it.

Secondly, I would suggest a range of tools. We never use a single tool, instead, doing a few with one, then another, then another etc. I think a range of sensations is nice, and it helps to prolong a spanking.

Thirdly, chose your areas carefully. I only like my bum, boobs and pussy to be spanked. Nowhere else. Tried other places and it wasn’t fun. With him, it’s bum only with the occasional clip of his cock or balls, but only occasional. Those are hard limits we never break.

Fourthly (and this is for your wife), you need to trust who you are spanking. The first few times I spanked my husband, I was “pathetically wimpy”. His ass can take far more than I expected, so she needs to trust you to tell her how far to go. My husband reads me so well. So many times, I’ve been almost about to use my safe word and he’s stopped spanking me. She’ll learn your limits and soon have you where you need to be. (Plus practice makes perfect, and both he and I can take much more of a spanking now than we could in early days.)

Fifthly, just enjoy it. Fundamentally, this is a loving act like all the other female led stuff you do, so you can both just bloody enjoy it, and it will likely add so much more to your already great relationship.

Have a great time, build up to it and please report back as you do, as I love you hear your updates.

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Sincere thanks to all of you who replied. There’s a lot of really good advice here which I will collate and we’ll both read thoroughly.

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So we did it this morning.

We experimented with the paddle and she tried it on her own leg and realised that the pain on impact was a lot less than she had imagined and also very controllable.

That eased her worries a lot.

I laid on my stomach with my hips raised on our wedge cushion and she used the paddle in groups of 10 strokes, 5 each side, gradually building up the intensity.

As she realised that she couldn’t do any real damage she really got into it.

Afterwards, with my ass nicely red, she pegged me again with the big dildo.

She’s a wonderful woman as she was obviously worried about the impact play but she did it anyway as she knew it was something I wanted.

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Paddled today for the third time.

We’re slowly finding out what we both like now.

She’s leaving gaps between strikes now so that each sting has time to develop.

She was very pleased to see that by the time she’d done i was rock hard in my cage.

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@KinkyMira I absolutely love your approach! Behaviour modification is a no-no for hubby and I too, he loves that I’m strong-willed and I don’t want to change, or change him. We also make stuff up a lot too, or spank one another (usually not too hard) and for the most obsecure reasons. and because nothing is quite as fun as kink and giggles combined. I’m in a sort of relationship with a switch as well. He’s an idiot too, but the right kind of idiot. A wonderful idiot, if there can be such a thing :slight_smile:

As an aside, and sort of similar, a few weeks ago I “cheated” on my husband (with my husband). Now THAT was a fun night! :wink:

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Oh, I “confessed” to sleeping with someone else (a woman in our village) and in amongst calling me a slut and spanking me, he made me tell him everything, spanking me again for what I said we’d done. Was really hot, but actually hard work making up the details I knew would get him excited. :rofl:

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I got asked whether my (totally make up) husband could do what he did, but it was really hard remembering “fake husband” from “real husband”. I was like “uhh y- no, wait, no. He can’t”. I probably won’t be winning any BAFTA’s anytime soon :joy:

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This morning we took a big step up.

In spite of her initial reluctance it turned out that she was quite happy using the 2" wide faux leather strap/paddle on me so we decided to try a hard bamboo paddle about 4" wide. It arrived yesterday and we tried it out this morning.

Holy crap! That was a big leap in terms of pain.

Previously I was the one telling her to keep going but this morning I was begging her to pause a little longer between sets of strokes. I absolutely loved it though and I love the residual pain afterwards.

I made sure that she knows that

  1. She’s not doing any real damage.

  2. I’m absolutely loving it.

She seems very happy to continue so I imagine it will be a regular part of our play from now on.

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You’ll soon get used to it @rockstar. My ass can take loads of stuff it wouldn’t when we first started.

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@rockstar - no advice to give just thanks for asking the question. I just both us our first paddle and looking forward to using it. All the comments here have been a great help.