Hello and welcome to the forum @Nickybrandon88! 
For the forum (see the full rules and more bits here too), I think that:
- ‘Hot’ is being positive, curious, and respectful
- ‘Not’ is anything degrading or negative (e.g. kink-shaming etc)
For toys: I don’t think that it’s a matter of universal ‘Hot’ and ‘Not’ - just remember to stay positive and explore open-mindedly!