Sometimes it is easier also to share and open up to someone outside your normal emotional circle. I’ve had a couple of ‘interesting’ life experiences recently and though my family are sketchily aware, as the said ‘stoic male’, I dread the thought of them bringing them up. Something disclosed to family is done for life and can become an unwanted topic of conversation for months/years. I’d be much more likely to open up to someone less central in my life, or even a complete stranger. Somehow the stakes aren’t so high.
Of course, everything depends entirely on the sort of person he is, and good advice in one situation can be equally bad in another. As a male who doesn’t open up easily, for me, forcing anything would be counter-productive. For me, a better approach would be to say something like “if you need to talk, I’m here”, and leave it at that, that would work for me. More importantly, if it works and he does open up, be true to that statement, listen without necessarily giving advice unless explicitly asked for, sometimes just having someone listen without necessarily giving any response or advice can be cathartic.
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There’s good advice throughout this thread. Another tip is along the lines of the climbing idea, parallel play where you do something else and talk around it as you are doing that. It makes the talk less of a focus and provides an opportunity to have a less intense talk without direct eye contact. If he chooses not to talk it can still be good and set up that sense of safety for when he does.
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Offering to have a cup of tea or coffee can help!
The time it takes to make a cup, for it to cool enough to drink, and drink it down indicates a willingness to give a bit of time to a conversation.
People often ask “how are you” without wanting a full answer. So it‘s hard for someone who‘s retreated inwards to feel confident that you‘re interested in their problems.
Coupled with “I‘ve noticed you‘ve been a bit down shows you want to help”
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I’m a fan of “how are you today” to make it specific, recognising that feelings and emotional climate may vary day to day.
I used be part of a team that went all over the UK to do research with families in pretty intense situations. The car rides back were great spaces for the team to debrief because of this exact thing! Something about sitting side by side instead of face to face that allows for deeper discussions.
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Encourage him to contact his Employee Advice Programme at work.
100% anonymous, 6 free sessions with an unbiased open and impartial minded individual who will simply listen, won’t judge and suggest opportunities for him to manage his stress and life style.
Biggest challenge is for your housemate to realise he needs to speak to someone as things may only fester and get worse. Been there, done it, bought the T-shirt.
Your housemate has already lucked out by having you notice and taken the first steps to offer to help him. If you can’t approach this verbally then leave a few strategically placed leaflets - downloadable from the internet to help him move onto the next stage.
May I just say well done VanillawithSprinkles!
Keep us all posted
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@VanillaWithSprinkles I know this thread was a while ago but only just came across it! It’s a good job there are people like you in the world! I’m sure some serious good karma will get a hold of you one day! I would never open up to a male face to face about anything! It would have to be a lady and even then it’d be touch and go and would probably be similar to him and would have to be asked! Too many people like this, especially men! And too many people see the signs and don’t say a word! How is he doing now? 
And excuse my ignorance but what is Stoic?
Stoic is stiff upper lip, take the shit without complaint, just get on with it, no matter how much of a struggle it is.
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